Big Impawtunt event in Doggy Calundur cummin up..... CROTCHS!!

(CRUFTS!!!!! Ed.)

CROTCHS is HOOGE fun day wot is organasized by doggees to showw offs ther hoomans.
Doggees leed ther hoomanz arownd a BIG ring. All the doggees hav to sniff hoomans n then theyz putt upp ther paws for BESTEST wuns. Bestest hoomans win PRIZES - like yeers supply of TRIPE! (Yum!)

Hoomans must bee enturererd in classes....
Class Wun: Blakk wuns
Class Too: Brawn wuns
Class free: Wite wuns
Class For: Yello wuns
Class Five: Big wuns
Class Six: Ickle wuns
Class Snevun: Finn wuns
Class Ate: Fatt wuns
Class Nine: (Yes, yes I think we have the idea now Cana.... sigh...)

Fings wot make hoomans win prizes....

1. Theyz smells nice.
2. Theyz givvs yoo treets.
3. They iz gudd at throwin ballz.
4. They iz gudd at collektin poo.
5. Theyz like goin for WALKEES.
6. They is gudd at TIKKLING TUMMEES.
7. They tikkle tummees FOR AGES.
8. Wunce theyz hav stopped tikklin tummee, theyz havv short brake n do itt agin.
9. Theyz recognize HIMPAWTUNCE of tummy tikklin for ALL FINGS to livvs in PEAS N HARMUNY n be HAMBASSIDORS for tummy tikklin WHER-EVUR theyz go n NEVUR STOPP in thers qwest to make NON-TUMMY-TIKKLIN a FING OF THE PAST for poor depraved hoomans wot don't know bettur.

(Er, right then... Ed)

www.crufts.org.uk/ticket-office