'Av new mate innit - name is 'Redbull' an is a Staff. Know-wot-I-mean? 'E is well sorted an well 'ard an I is 'is bitch now. Respect!! I said to 'im, 'I is Cana and I is Souvvern Innit, innit? 'E wos well impressed.

Fed up wivwalking past vet's an never going in, so today... Dad took me in! Yey!! Had BEST time. Likked everywun, smakked king-charles-spangle (was already brokkun - honest) an got to sit on scales. Had treat for being so clever. Then nice man turned into .. NASTY NEEDLE MAN!! Owwww! Better when he stukk thermometor up my bum though; that was quite nice. Mmmmm

Pooo, too hot. Nice paddle in river last nite though, luvlee. Got a bit deep though. Even though am brave an fearluss Suvvern Innit, must be wary of sharks an stuff. Maybe even cat-fish, yuk.. Was worred Mum might follow me, so saved her with guard dog instincts by coming back. Shook all my furry water over her which helped and showed am loving, caring dog. Will go back today and report on sharks.

Strange.. luvlee, sunny day, but Mum an Dad inside watching magik window (TeeVee?). Lots of jumping arownd an showting. No good tho as now look very sad, like have lost favourite stikk. Never mind, looking forward to dinner as Dad says will be fed whole England football team!! Great! He says sugar n spice n all fings nice is wot little girls is made of.

Havin BEST time wiv my frend Jessie, the border collee. In between playin suduko an applyin for mensa, she is re-wiring the howse. I am helping her by holding the instruction manual; 'dogs guide to basic domestic electrics'. Bit soggy now... may as well eet it. Watchin Jessie makes me feel tired zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Had BESTEST DAY.... Mum gave me a ........................... PLASTIC BOTTEL!!!!!!! It kept tryin to escape, but I cortt it an held it down an bit it an gnawed it an ripped the top off an threw it ovur the hedge an cort it again an killed it - twice.


Think is ded now, not movin, even when I nudge it and hit it with my paw of steel.

Mum n Dad tryin 2 get me to eet more so had lots of luvlee raw minse for brekfast... yum. Finished it off by likkin cat bowls cleen, don't like them durty, not nice. Raoul not happy as wos still eeting his. Settled for likking his bum insted. Mmmm, don't know wot he ate yesturday, but it tasted gooood.

Mince again this mornin. Gettin BORED now. Spotted tastee steaks in 'shop-of-dedd', Mum seys is 'butchers'. Fink will hold owt for that now. Hexterminated anovver moff last night in operation 'moffs-must-die-die-die-until-they're-well-dedded'. Dad sed that all creetures desurve to liv in peace and harmony...... no understand? Moffs? Dad is ill?? (maybe ate slug?) Will likk him lots.