O'LYMPICS

Is WELL HIMPAWTUNT fing goin on in HOOMAN WURLD.

Iz called the "O'LYMPICS" (wot wos startud in I-Lund - 'Ireland. Ed' - a long long time agoo) n is wen poor hoomans tryz n throwz themselvz arownd like doggees.

Thiz is cos hoomans hav HINFERIORITITTY chomplexes cos theyz only havs 2 leggs n ICKLE, ICKLE teeny teefs n iz SNOW GUDD at HIMPAWTUNT fings like duffin, stompin on fings, chewin tablez n...

rollin in mudd.

Thiz is why theyz BANN doggees from all HEVENTS!! (Shokked n HAPPALLED wuffs) cos wee wud DUFF themz at EVERYFING! (Snot fair - Grrr)

Fings wot hoomanz do to tryz n makez themselvz feel bettur.....

1. Chasin wabbitz reeely weely fast cos theyz needs a gudd duffin. (100 metre sprint? Ed)

2. Find luvly patch of mudd n throwin yooself innit asqwikklyaspossibubble befor Dadd seez yoo. (Long jump! Ed)

3. Steelin sumwun else'z stikk from thems (wot is reely yor stikk, theys just don't knows it yett) n runnin reely fast so theyz can't catch yoo. (Er..... 100 metre relay? Ed)

4. Duffin up sumwun gudd n proppur. (Boxing Ed.)

5. Duffin up sumwun gudd n proppur n then holdin thems down in FIURCE NitWit hedd lock n BOWNCIN in thems so ther is SNOW MORE DUFFIN for thems! (Hmmm, er.... oh yes - Judo! Ed)

6. Feelin weely HEXCITED cos yoo fownded HOOGE, LONG stikk n feelin WELL PLEEZED wiv yooself n HACCIDUNTLY runnin betweens 2 treez, but havs EVUR SO SLIGHTLY mis-judgeded it n then HOOGE stikk getts STUKK n yoos end upp n a BIGG HEEP n then hav to pretund that yoos ment to doo it all the time HANYWAYZ. (What????!!!! - thinks - ...... the pole vault!!! :o) Ed.)

Moor hooman O'lympic hantics next time.

WUFF!

Song

(Ahem - coughs - Cana's Editor here.
Cana has decided to cheer everyone up with a song about the British weather. Not that she minds the constant rain, but she is worried about the effect it's having on us poor 'hoomans'. She's a little nervous, but here it is. Quiet everyone please....)

"I’m MINGIN’ in the rain
Just Mingin’ ins the RAIN
Wot a gloriowse feelin'
I’m FILTHY agin
I’m bowncin’ in th...

e ditch
N stompin’ throo the grass
The sun’z in my hart
N I’m reddy fur mud
Let the NitWits all chase
All the bunnees from the place (Grrr)
Come on wiv the poo bag
Ther’s a smile on my face (Eeee-Ya!) :o)
I BOWNCE down the lane
All covered in stainz
Just mingin’
Mingin’ in the raaaaaain

Bowncin’ n Mingin’ in the raaaaaain…. la le la la, wuff we wuff wuff....

(Hadishonal verse)

Why am I smilin’?
Why do I sing? (Sing??? Er…Ed.)
Why duz thiz summer
Seem sunny for mee?
Why do I gett up
Eech morning n fart?
Happy n head up
Wiv a joy in my hart? (Well THAT’s true! Ed)
Why iz eech noo task
A trifle to do?
Cos I’m livin’
A life full of pooooo.

La le la la, wuff we wuff wuff....

WUFF!

*FUR HEMURGENCY!!*

Tuk Mum n Dad for walkees, but insted of goin to parkk like wot we shudded hav dun, theyz HINSISTED on goin in HOPPOSITE DIRECTSHUN, Grrr.
Tried to tellz them wos ALL WRONG using my SUPUR NITWIT POWERZ:-
Dugged my pawz in n REFOOSEDED to moove,
Did TEN-TON-BOTTUM impresshun,
STAREDED HINTENTLY in direktion of park,
but theyz tuk SNOW NOTICE!!!

Anywayz, decidud to letz them ...

1. fink they wos winnin (just thiz wunce) n be CALM HASSERTIVE.
   Town wos FULL OF HOOMANS tho :o/ Herds n Herds of thems wot wos WELL dangerowse fing cos hardly any of thems wos ON LEEDS!
   Theyz cud hav startud runnin arownd HUNSUPURVISED n causeded MAYHEM!!
   (Cue worreed wuffs)
   
   Fortunuttly ther wos lotz of doggees ON THE LUKK-OWT n A LURT n VIGILUNT AT ALL TIMES (like mee).
   I contakted them wiv my SUPUR NITWIT POWERZ by STARIN HINTENTLY>>>>>>>>>
   All of us doggees tuk our RESPONSIBILITITTYS very seriowsly.
   (Cue himpawtunt wuffs)
   
   Aftur bein A LURT n VIGILUNT for AGES we spotted a hooman DANGEROWSLY OWT OF KONTROLL n runnin arownd HUNSUPURVISED n OFF THE LEED, holding a HOOGE FURLAME in his paw!!!!
   (Hmm, was that the olympic flame? Ed)
   
   Wot to do? Wot to do?
   FUR, FUR, FUR!!! KEEP CALM HOOMANS! CANA THE NITWIT IS HERE TO PROTEKT YOO wiv FUR BRIGADE. Wuff, wuff, WUFF!
   
   Tried to bownce on silly OWT OF KONTROL hooman n save EVRYWUN n be CANA-THE-FUR-TWIT-WOT-SAVES-POOR-HOOMANS, but Dad wudn't lett mee. Grr.
   
   Decideded to do HOOGE POO insted.
   Ther, thatz bettur.
   Giveded Dad sumfing to do as well!
   
   WUFF!

*CRIME BOTCH UPDATE*

Hav bin very buzy NitWit tryin to solve TERRIBUBBLE MUDUR wot wos committud RITE OWTSIDE OUR HOWSE! (see below. Ed)

SHOKKING FING is MORE mudurs hav bin happuning, wiv DeddedFings EVRYWHERE! Wot to do? Wot to do????

Hup-to-date lizt of FINGSWOTHAVBINDEDDED:

Anuvver mowse
Two snailz (wot wos CALLOWSLY sqwished beyond ALL RECOGNISHUN on stepp owtside our frunt door! Hmm, mite hav bin mee - oops)
Wun baby burd
Wun EXTWEEMLY small ant
ANNOVER ant
Anovver ant
YET ANNOVER ant (er yes, I think we get the idea. Ed). May hav stomped on wun of antz mysulf, but wos an HACCIDUNT!
Annover snail - Fortunuttly snot Terrence-the-Snail wot livs in the gardun, but pozzibly wun of hiz many relativs :o(