HOWLnWEE!

HOWLnWEE is wen Wher?Wolfys r owt. Wher?Wolfys get losted n use ShatNav to find BoogieMan who is havin a party.

I wos fiurce Wolfy tuday. I killeded a WABBIT. Wabbit wos alreddy dedd but I killeded it anyway n wos undeturred by wabbit's sharp teefs n dangerowse eers!

Mum wanted wabbit too but wos MY WABBIT wot I killeded myself!

Then Mum put fingur in my mowf got wabbit off mee. SNOT FAIR!

Grrr

The ArseSmell wos nice....... but can I hav the Ham now plese??

Dad is goin to see his bestest PawBall teem tomorrow; ArseSmell. They r playin WasteHam.

Must be loyal Suvvern Innit n howl for ArseSmell, but keep finkin abowt WasteHam! Arses or Ham??? Wot to pick? Very confoosin. Luv Ham...., but Arses r Best Fing. Maybe Ham furst then Arses?

On ovver paw, maybe go for LiverPoo like sistur Kylie (who is norty Norvun Slapper n is well overdoo 4 gudd biffin).

CONFOOSED!

‎'Q' is 4 Qween! Qween is well posh doggie wot livs in Lundon. She is short n stumpy n wears reely bad frocks n hooge glasses. She has pointed eers n fat ickle legs n yapps a lot.

'Q' is 4 Qorgi 2, wot is wot Qween is! Qorgis r bad tempurred n bite 4 NO REESON! They r spoilt (like my sistur Kylie) n play wiv DeddFings ALL THE TIME n bring ther stikks IN THE HOWSE!
Hooge howse called MuckinHam Palace

Snot-fair Grrr

We went to the SEESIDE! Seeside is wot happuns wen yoo go to sleep in car n wake up again. Is BESTEST Fing n has WATUR n DURT - lots of it! There's lowds of room 4 bowncin n diggin n rollin n spashin n chasin ovver doggs.

Ther wos sum hoomans wot had a picnic, wot is BEST Fing EVUR. Picnics r gudd for stompin on wot makes hoomans very hexcited n wave ther paws abowt.

We went home aftur that.

Luvlee! zzzzz

My frend Ok-Yah-to is visitin us! He is well posh n is a Lard n livs in a hooge howse called Quendon Hall. Dad sed is a Bone Ranger! He smelled all cleen at furst but then came .... HURRICANE CANA! Bownceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....................

He is well Cana-ed now. WUFF!

Annover 'P' is 4 POO!

Poo cums owt of yor bottum wen yoo go walkies. Doggs r very gudd Pooers. Hoomans like 2 keep them n put them in speshal poo safes wot can only be opened by Poo Police.

Is VERY himportant to poo in EXACTLY bestest place. I sumtimes serch 4 AGES 4 best poo place n go rownd n rownd in curcles while dad seys 'Gudd Gurl Cana'.

Sumtimes he sings the Nike song 2 me - 'JUST DO IT'.

WUFF!

'P' is 4 PAW-BALL! Paw-Ball is like FutBall but 4 doggs. I play PawBall wiv Dad wot is Bestest Fing. Dad's teem is ArseNil, but I like WestHAM, NottinHAM Furriest, Totts-in-HAM - n my favorits; Full'oHam n BlackbumRovers!!

Mum seys I am a BoltingWanderer, but Dad seys I cud play 4 WOLVES!

Dad goes to see ArseSmell. Wish I cud go too. ArseSmells are BEST FING!  WUFF!

My frend Shanti has turned into a ladee. Ladees hav wimen's problums called monflees wot r a BAD FING! Wen yoo r havin yor monflee, yoo need to eet lots of biskits (choclut wuns) n cuddul up on sofur wiv Mum. Sum STOOPID hoomans fink yoo shud ride arownd on rolly-skates n wear hot pants!

They need a gudd duffin!!

Shanti needs 'DoggyForm' for hur monflees.
"Whooa DoggyFoOorm, DoggyForm for yooooooooo"! WUFF!

My frend Ben is ill! Ill is not eetin enuff worms. Don't fink he sniffs bottums either wot is a BAD FING! If yoo don't eet worms, sniff bottums, roll in fux poo n likk sikk, yoo get ill.

Famowse chi-sneese philosifur dogg "Confused-us" sed:

"Don't sniff bums n get the runs!"
"Likk yor bits, don't get the squitts!"
"Eeetin poo is gudd for yoo!" WUFF!

Dad wos owt but now is bakk!! Owt is wen yoo dis-hapear n get losted. Dad wos losted ALL weekend n I lukk!ed n lukked for him. Behind sofa? No. In bin? No. In bedd? No. Under bedd? No!! Bureed in gardun wiv DeddFing? NO!!!! ??????

Wos very worreed! Dad is old n seeline n needs lukking aftur ALL the time. He needed lots ...of bowncin wen he came bakk. Por old Dad, he is geri-hatrick! WUFF!

‎'N' is for 'NooFing'. NooFings r wot Mum n Dad bring home n wot smell noo. NooFing is DeddFing wot is not dedd yet. Sumtimes NooFing turns into DeddFing quite qwikkly. Is himportunt to chekk NooFings propurly 1. Sniff NooFing 2. Likk NooFing 3. Choo NooFing to see if Chuwee 4. BOWNCE on NooFing to see if bowncy 5. STOMP on NooFing if not brokkun yet. Bury NooFing wot is now DeddFing. WUFF!

Dad is owt so am readin Wippet-edia. Hurparently, Cleo-pats-hur, the famus Egyptian princess (like wot I am) liked barfs too! She barfed in Arse's milk to make hur fur smell nice. I like barfing in Arse's milk so I am princess too!!! WUFF!!!

How to Hav a Barf!

Stepp Wun: Find barf. Stepp Too: Get in barf. Stepp Thwee: SHAKE! Stepp Foor: Repeet. Stepp Five: AGAIN!

Cos I am a ladee, I hav barfs ALL the time. Durty boy doggs don't hav barfs (yoo can see here) wot meens ther fur is all skanky...... not like wot ladees hav. WUFF!

Is my frend Meeeeeeea's bifday tuday. Hippo Bifday Meeeeeeeea!! She is 9, wot is a bit oldur than mee cos I am .....(finks).......WUN!! Cos she is hooman, she is still an ickle puppee n needs lukin aftur by Bella (Who is WELL stoopid Suvvern Idiot n sits on wasp howses!). Meeeeea is a gud gurl (LIKE MEE!) n has nice chewee eers. SLUUUUUUUUUUURP! xxxxxxxxxxx

Cana models the stylish new 'Jess' collar by 'JB Leatherworks'. One of this season's haute couture collection. (Because she's worth it.)

Mum's bin doin hur 'Ugh!-Cownts' tuday. Ugh!-Cownts is wen yoo sit at kitchun table, chukk lots of papur on it n growl a lot. Mum pulls hur furr n drinks lots of tee n eets biskits. Cos I am gudd wiv numburs, I helped. I cownted my paws. (Kept losin cownt - got to 2 tho!)  Then got bit dizzy, then I chewed sum papur so table nice n tidee, then I had a snooz. Is HARD work Ugh!Cownts! WUFF!