Viziturs!

Arnty Nick n Unkle Lorraine camed rownd wot wos WEEELY WEEELY HEXCITING cos yoo know wot thatz meemz????
Yes, is time for MASS DUFFIN wiv sistur Kylie (the slappur) n Zeeb.
WoooHOOOOO......

Wait tho.... Arnty Nick - chekk, Unkle Lurraine - chekk, Kylie (the slappur).......
ABSUNT! Zeeb......... ABSUNT!!!!

Wot is goin ons???? No Kylie! No Zeeeb! Cant BELEEEEVE IT! Did lotz of bowncin on Arnty Nikk and Unkle Lurraine to make surre weren'ted HIDING Kylie n Zeeb undur ther jumpurs, but ALL TO NO HAVAIL!.........

The hoomanz is OWN THEIR OWN!!!! (Shokk, gasp)

Mum sed is cos hoomanz need hooman time sumtimes, wivowt doggees!
Why, why, why??????? (Does snot COMPOOT)

Wos WELL DISSAPOYNTED! (Hurrumph, Grrrr)
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Then Artny Lurraine tukked sumfing owt of hur bagg.
Sumfing wrupped upp in Crispmush papur.
Sumfing wot smulled HINTERESTIN.....
Sumfing wot was a PRESUNT FOR CANA!

BOYNG, BOWYNG, BOYNG...... (nom nom nom nom)

........ Kylie who?

Gud Bye Nora.

Mum n mee hadd a loooooong talk.
Mum explainded to mee wher my frend Nora has gonnned.

She sed Nora woz visitin us for little holliday cos Nora's pups wos gettin on top of hur n she neededed sum 'time owt'. Nora's babees needed hur tho n wos very sadd that Nora wented on holliday to teech thems a lessun n wantud Nora to cum home.

Mum sed Nora liked bein wiv us, but she luvs hur ickle rat babees so is very happy now she has gonned home agin. (Specially cos they has bin tort a lessun n happreciate hur bettur now!)

Mum seys that Nora livs in a luvlee farm in the country sumwher n she can run arownd wiv hur ickle rat babees ALL DAY n hav lotz of fun times. :o)

I askeded Mum if Nora will vizit agin soon cos I liked havin hur to stay? Mum sed maybee butt Nora is very buzy so it cud be 'sum time'.

Oh well. Gudd lukk Nora. Woz luvlee havin yoo to stay.

WUFF XXXX

Wher IZ Nora?

Nora? Nora? Nora? Nora?
........

Nora? Nora? NORA??????

Wher IS yoo?

Sniff..... sniff......

Nnora? NORA! NORA! NORA!!!!!!????????

Hooman Trap!

Mum n Dad got hooman trap (HUMANE trap! Ed) n putt it in kitchun.

(Bitween yoo n mee iz bit small for hoomanz tho. Maybee only ickle ickle ickle hoomanz...)

They putz peenutt buttur n chokklit innit cos that iz wot hoomanz like bestest to eeet in HOLE WURLD! (Mee too.... Grrr)

Mum n Dad left hooman trap owt ALL NITE, but ther wos NO HOOMANZ in ther thiz mornin :o(
(I know, coz I givved it a gudd sniffin n chekked all the cornurs cos I is a gudd NitWit n HEXTWEEMLY RESPUNSIBUBBLE)

No - Definuttly NO HOOMANZ!!

Why iz they tryin to catch hoomanz anywayz??? Ther is lotz of themz. I seez them on walkees EVURY DAY!!!

Maybee iz Nora's fault? Evurywun knowz that rats keepz hoomanz in laburrowtories n do HEXPERRYMUNTZ ON THEMZ! (Gasp!!!!) Norty ratz keep hoomanz in craptivity n makes themz wear MAKE-UP N STUFF n TEST THEMZ!

Is terribul terribul fing. Poor hoomanz get maded to wear make up wot is ALL WRONG FOR THEMZ!!!!

(Pursonully I likes 'Mucks Facotor'. Nora likes 'Clin-Eeek')

Wot to do? Wot to do????

Nora continooed....

Went for HOOGE bowncy walkees wiv Bonkers n Asty n Artny Biff n Mum. Wos BESTEST FING! I givved Bonkers a GUDD DUFFIN, then Bonkers givved Asty a GUDD DUFFIN, then we all wos DUFFIN n GETTIN DUFFED at wonce in HOOGE MASS DUFFERUPERIN!!

Asked Nora if she wantud to cum too but she sed no, she'd prefur to stay behind the kitchun cubbords fank yooo. :o(

Nora's games is a bit borin hactually. She lik...es playin hide n sneek for HOURZ N HOURZ N HOURZ.
Zzzzzzzz...........

Mum n Dad still bin playin TAKEKITCHUNCUBBORDSAPART.
Nora likes thiz game too.....

Dad has bin playin LIEINWAITFORNORA N THROWBIGTOWELOVURHUR.
Nora dusn't like thiz game tho.....

Raoul has bin playing SITONKITCHUNWORKTOP N WAITFORNORA.
Nora dusn't like Raoul much tho.......

Mum n Dad sed they is goin to gett 'HOOMAN TRAP' tuday???????
(HUMANE TRAP! Ed)
Trapz for hoomans?
Is very stwange fing!

Must HINVESTIGATE! >>>>>>>>>

Noo Frend!

Has bin WELL HEXCITIN DAY!

Mum gotted mee a NOO FREND. Is small n furry wiv poynty snowt n long tail.....
??????
IS A RAT (She is calleded Nora)
...
Nora camed in thru kitchun wall n wos hidin in the cubbord. Then Mum opuned the cubbord door n Nora jumped owt...

SURPRIZE!!!!!

Everywun wos WELL HEXCITED!

All of a suddun WOS PONDIMONIUM! Mum wos showtin 'NO CANA' a lot n I wos bowncin up n down n tryin to hugg Nora (cos she is my bestest frend now) n Nora was runnin arownd n then we playeded HIDE N SNEEK.

Nora hid behind the kitchun uunits.
Nora stayed behind kitchun uunits for a very loong time.
Nora is STILL there.
...... Game is gettin a bit borin now.

Then Mum n Dad decidued to play TAKETHEKITCHUNUNITSAPART.
Nora didn't cum owt tho.....

IS BESTEST MOST HEXCITIN PRESUNT EVUR. Nora n mee is goin to bee VERY GUDD FRENDS. I is gudd at chasin Nora n she is gudd at runn awayz.

WUFF!

CPR - Cana's Poolmonary Resnusitation - continooed....

THE TURD HEMURGENCY SERVICE!

Patiunt is snot breaving, bowncin or dedded n snot respondin to likkin, ear nibblin n HINTENSE STARIN>>>>>>>>>>>

CUMMENCE CPR....

1. Turn patiunt on theirz bakk. (Is WELL comfy positiun. I cans lie like thiz for HOURS!)
Nudgin thems wiv yor snowt is a gudd way.

2. Place paws on patiunt'z chest n lean on themz. (Like wen Dad is doin shit-ups).

3. BOWNCE!
Snot usual bowncin (like wen VIZITORS cum to door) wen yoo goez ALL AROWND THE HOWSE, on wallz, on furniture, hoomanz n EVERYFING, but in

SERIOWSE CONTROLLED MANNUR.

(Thiz is WELL HARD for NitWits, but practice mukks perfikt - I can bownce for AGES!)

Yoo willz soon discuver if patiunt is snoozin.......

But remumber, hoomanz wot is snoozin may need RESCUIN. Yoo can NEVUR BEE TOO CARFUL!

WUFF!

Snott Well!

Poor Joel is SNOT WELL! :o(

Nevur mind Joel, Dr Cana is here.....
Nee Naw Nee Naw Nee Naw..... THE TURD HEMERGUNCY SURVICE!!

Will purform CPR! (Cana's Poolmonary Rescnusssitation) but furst, HEMURGENCY HASSESSMUNT!.......

1. Is patiunt breaving?

Thiz is WELL HIMPAWTUNT. Patiunt cud be snoozing.... Try likkin thems n chewin their eers. Anyfing? (Usual responze is "Gerrroff' Cana")

2. Is patiunt bowncing?

If patiunt is snot bowncing is VERY VERY SERIOWSE FING! Call for HELP.
(WUFF WUFF WUFF!!!)
They mayz be Dedded! :o/

3. Is patiunt Dedded?

If patiunt is snot breavin OR bowncing then is probubly Dedded, in wot case, take DeddFing into gardun n bury sumwhere nice n safe (behind shedd alwayz gudd). Leeve DeddFing for few dayz til nice n stinky, then digg thems upp again. Purfekt!!

More on Cana's Poolmonary Rescnusssitation next time.

Shhhhhhh!!

Raoul - 'So Cana, how abowts sum proppur fud then...'
Cana - 'Proppur fud? Wot, like BONES?'
R - 'NO NOT BONES! Chipz n cake n chocklit n stuff. Yoo know, HOOMAN fud!'
C - 'I LUVS chocklit. I snevur HAD any tho, but I snows I wud LUV IT'
R - 'Chocklit, yeah! Maybee chocklit n CHIKKEN?'
C - 'Chocklit n chikken YEZ! Chikken is BESTEST FING! Speshlee wen still havs fethers n stuff n RUNNIN AROWND or EVUN BETTUR, bin burreed in gardun for AGES n got luvly wurms n maggots n stuff! SLURRRP'
R - 'Errr, yeah...... Definutly the runnin arownd wiv fethurs Cana, but tell yoo wot, yoo can keepz the maggots n wurms eh?'
C - 'Reeely Raoul? Yoo is BESTEST FREND EVUR!'
R - 'Only wun problum tho.....'
C - 'Problum? Wot? Yoo meen.....?'
R - 'Yez, is WELL TRAGIK Cana. .... Mum n Dad is VEGYWARIANS!!!!'
C - 'OMD, OMD (Oh My Dog! Ed.) Wot to doo, wot to doo? ALL IS LOSTED!'
R - 'Nevur feer Cana. I haz a CUNNING PLAN!'
C - 'Phew! Thankz Dog yoo is here Raoul.'
R - 'Yez, yoo n mee must wurk WEELY HARD n find lotz n lotz of DeddFings n brung thems ALL bakk n puts thems in Mum n Dad's bedd (wot is reely OUR bedd, butt will calls it Mum n Dad's bedd just to HOOMER thems)....
C - 'HOkay. Sownds WELL TIRING tho. Wot abowt our booty sleepz?'
R - 'Will be wuff it in the endz Cana. Mum n Dad is BOWNDED to startz eeting meat like NORMUL HOOMANS wen theirz bedd is full of DeddFings! We willz soon gett our 19 hourz sleepz-a-day agin! Fink of all them luvly wurms n maggots n stuff too.'
C - 'Hmm, .... they IS tasty!'
R - 'Thatz the sprite Cana! N remebur, NOT A WURD TO ANYWUN!'
C - 'Yoo can TWUST me Raoul! I is snot a NitWit for NUFFIN!
ZiiiiiiiiiiiiiPP!'
R - 'Ssshhhh, qwick - is sumwun cumming! Lukk like yoo is just sleepin n DON'T LUKK GUILTY!'
C - 'Sleepin, YEZ! I SNOWS HOW TO DO THATZ!'