Had the BEST day! Tuk Mum n Dad 4 a luvlee walkee. Met up wiv ALL my frends n tuk charge of everywun cos I am pack leedur. Is VERY importunt jobb. I leedured everywun into lots of mudd n we wos all covvered wiv it - espeshlee mee. I wos bestest at mudd attack. My fur wos luvlee n stinkee at the end n Mum opuned ALL the car windows so everywun cud smell it. WUFF!

Helped Mum wiv the gardun tuday. Dug a BIG hole n got rid of ALL the nastee grass. That's bettur! Mum wos very pleesed. She gave me an ASBO. ASBO is 'A Super Bowncy Order' n is a very gudd fing 4 extra speshal doggies. Will try n get lots of ASBOs to show wot a gudd dogg I am. WUFF!

Cana likes 'Eau-de-Tripe'... by 'Long-Tongue', because she's worth it.

Thort 4 tuday -Fleez. Fleez r teen-weeny creetures wot fink doggs r karpets. Fleez liv in karpets, but sumtimes they get mistuk n fink karpet is walkin arownd. Fownd my very own flee yesturday!! Hur name is Florunce. Mum dusn't want mee to hav my own flee cos they r hexpensiv n must go 2 kennuls in the holidayz. Yoo mu...st take them 4 walks evury day (wiv ickle-wickle leads). Must luk aftur my flee!!

‎'Kasman n Canaaaa, bee gud to eechovveeeer.... Kasman n Canaaaaa, gona luv wun-anovveeeeer' (feme to mistur n missus). I luuuurve Kas. Is my bestest boyfrend...... like Kiba. We r goin to be marreed n hav babees n luuuurve eech ovver 4 evur n evur n evur. Goin to liv in an ickle howse wiv a wite fence in the cuntry n s...pend ALL day in bed togevvur, n not eet. Jus luk intoo each ovver's eys cos we r in LUUUURVE! Aaaaaa

‎'G' is 4 'GUD GURL'! Am gud gurl ALLWAYS. Gud fings I doo are... fechin post, hexterminatin moffs, lickin... um EVERYFING, takin Mum n Dad 4 walks, diggin the gardun, eeting flowurs, elping Dad wiv huvering, bowncin on viziturs, rollin in mud so my fur is all luvlee, n protekting the HOLE familee from fiurse insekts. A...m NEVER Bad. (Not like Kyla. She is veree nortee n shud hav a gudd smakk.) WUFF!

'F' is 4 FUD! Fud is sumfin wot hoomans try n forse yoo to eet. Fuds I like r antz, krisps, qat fud, cheez n chi-sneez take-urways. Fud I dont like is dogg fud, dogg fud, dogg fud, fud 4 doggs, n biskits, (cept hooman wuns). Mum sez I am AMINAL-REXIC, like Kate Moffs. Sumtimes, wen I dont eet, they buy mee hexpensif stuff from Wait-toads. I like Wait-toads! Wuff!

Por Raoul. Mum has had him on a die-ut 4 AGES. He is soo week, he can hardlee get off sofer. Raoul says he cud DIE n no-wun wud care, cos that's wot die-uts do. Very worreed! Wot if Raoul starvs to deth?!! Gave him sum of my fud, but Mum wos angree n sed he's a fat littul b****r n ort to be owt catchin mowses. Will try n sikk sumfing up 4 him. He will like that :-)))

Here is Raoul. He is week n feebull arftur Mum put him on a die-ut!

Kyla is my bestest frend n I HATE hur! I tryd to play wiv hur toys n she kept grabbin them off mee. Snot fair! Must lern to SHARE, like mee. I shud hav big toys n she can hav small, brokun wuns. She finks her teefs are big n sharp, but mine are HOOGE. I gave hur an incey-wincey nip n she gave mee a MAFFISS bite n cud hav MURDURD mee. Gave hur gud smakk to sort her owt. That’s better. I luv my sistur, she’s a BITCH!

VERY egciting day. Tuk Mum n Dad to see noo carz cos ours has shrunked. Ther wer LOTS of cars n I wos very egcited an had a gud sniff rownd them all. Then... I did a HOOGE poo rite next to the bestest wun. Dad put it in a bag, cos he likes to keep them. We left quite qwikkly. Ther wer no bins so Dad tuk the poo in the car. It smelt luvly. Mum opened all the windos so EVERYWUN cud smell it. Mmmmmm

This is mee wiv my sistur Kyla. We had a fab day tuday!!

Tuk Dad 4 walkees this mornin n fownd poorly wabbit. Dad sed he had 'myxed-em-up-toeses'. Myxed-em-up-toeses meems wabbits cant hop arownd n hav to sit n cownt their toeses ovur n over again. Tuk Dad n wabbit to nice ladee vet n she put wabbit in speshal place to unmix his toeses. Poor wabbit. Hope his toeses get bettur soon. :-(((

I haf a very himportunt job. Is called 'post-dogg'. Wen the postman cums, (his name is Tracey) I trot to the dore an chuse sumfing to bring to Mum n Dad. I like cardbored bestest cos is nice n tuff. I wagg my tale a lot an try 2 wuf, but my mowf is full. Mum says I am cleverest-est gurl in hole wurld. Sumtimes I try n keep the post cos I am still lerning. I am a gud dogg! Wuff!

‎"Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black n white Inuit"

Raoul likes hexercising, - but lyin down. Here he is, goin 4 a run!!

Worreed abowt Raoul. Has bin put on a die-ut. Mum says he is too fat, - maybee shud eet ants like me? Die-uts are wen yoo starve until yoo get thin an die. Raoul says he's not fat, just has big bones! Confoosed? Mum givs me big bones n I am not fat! Am supper-modul doggee, like Kate Moffs. I eet ants an she eets moffs!

'E' is 4 'EVIL LEEDUR'! Supposed to be 'gentul' but is EVIL! It raps arownd yor dose so yoo can't dalk proporly. Is very dangurowse, cos can't show Mum n Dad the way. They haf to leed themselfs, wich is a BAD FING! They talk to peeple 4 AGES n I can't do nuffin. All doggs no that hoomans can't luk aftur themselves n need doggys to elp them. Especiully brave n feerluss Suvvern Innits like me. HEXTURMINATE EVIL LEEDUR. Grrrrr

Kiba and meeee!

Mum an Dad tuk me to see my frend Kiba yesturday. He's my bestest boyfrend now an I lurve him! He wos all wite wen I met him, but after a little wile he terned a bit brown an soggy, - like me! He had luvly eers. The were all soft an chewy ..... at furst. Wen we left, Mum sed they looked like doylies. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I fownd a crikkit ball yesturday!!

Fownd noo game called 'crikkit'. Crikkit is wen yoo find a ball in the bushes an it is a reeely hard, tuff wun. Mum says that's called a 'challange'. It tuk me AGES to kill it. At leest harf an hour! Wen yoo've killed it, it terns intoo spaggetti. I sikked sum of it up this mornin. That made it tayst evun nicer!!!

Thort for tuday: Gard yor bedd!! I left my bed for an incy-wincy minit tuday an Mum said 'IT STINKS' an put it in machine wot goes rownd an rownd an makes yor eyes go funny. Confoosed? Stink is no gud?! Then she hunged it up owtside. Wot for? Is no gud in sky, beds shud be on grownd! Is bak now an am not movin off it EVER! Smells funny too, like noo bedd. Don’t like noo smell. Like stinky smell. Grrrrr

Tuk Dad into lundun larst nite. We went on a trane, then a toob, then a walk an then a pub! I had the BEST time. I licked EVERYWUN in the pub an they all patted me an called me bootiful. Then I lay on my back an showed them my tummy. Then Mum came! I jumped all ovur her and give her lots of kisses. Ther was a nice ladee wiv big boobies. She lent ovvur me so I gave boobies a gud licking :-)))