NOOS! NOOS! NOOS!

COMPITISHUN RESULTZ.......... n the Winnur is........

Anna-Marie Jeffrey
wiv "I went to the zoo the other day, it only had one dog there, it was a shitzu".

Fank yoo to nice lady hooman at Kennul Klub for drudging (JUDGING! Ed)

Well WELLS DUN Annuh-Murrie. Yoo havs wonned 2 hooman tikkets to Crotchs (CRUFTS! Ed)

WUFF

(Anna-Marie, Cana doesn't have any contact details for you. Can you let her know your email address please? You can email Cana at cana@live.co.uk. Ed)

Drudging!

Jokees hav bin sented to nice hoomans at the Kennul Klub for drudging (JUDGING! Ed)

I iz chewin mys claw-nailz in HAMTICIPATION n HEXCITEMUNT!!!!!

Whooz will win?........

HIMPAWTUNT ANNOWNCEMUNT!

Is lasted day for Computishun entrees. Winn 2 hooman tikkets for Crotchs (CRUFTS! Ed) in Brrrmingham.

All jokees must be inn tuday! Winnur HANNOWNCED TOMMORROW!

Inn the MEENTIME tho...... On to BARK N REED! Cum on hooman pups STORY TIME!

'B' is for BADGERZ!

BADGERZ is HIMAGINERY, MYSTICUCLE amimules wot wiv in burrows, like WABBITS, wot is very suspikious fing cos wot mosted hoomanz dont know iz that BADGERZ is weely WABBITS IN DISGUYZE!!!!!!

Wabbitz fink dressin upp in Cana costooms will CONFOOSE me! SNOW WAY Wabbits, I iz far too clevur for THATT trikk. I snow yoo is weely wabbitz, but disguyzeded as mee wen I wos ickle pup!

Only fing is..... dressin upp as Cana-pupz n callin themselvz 'BADGURZ' (stoopid wabbitz!) makez wabbitz WELL FIURCE! Evun fiurcererer than USUAL (wot is very, very furce anywayz as ALL DOGGYS snow, yooz hav to be a BRAVE NitWit INDEED to chase wabbitz - GRRRR)

REMEMBUR - Is HIMPAWTUNT to leeve PRETEND MYSTICUCLE BADGURZ WELL ALONE just in cases they iz fiurcerer than wabbitz!

WUFF

www.thekennelclub.org.uk/barkandread

Computishun Time!

Computishun for Crotchs (CRUFTS! Ed) is goin WEELY GUDD!

Remumber, closin date is by 24th Februarury so gett postin yor jokees if yoo want yor hoomans to winn tickuts.

Iz lots of HEXCITIN stuff to doo ther like sniffin bums, chewin furnitutututure (to see if chewy), likkin fings (to sees if tastee), diggin holes (Er, are you sure? Ed), pullin hoomanz arownd, runnin rownd in curcles, wuffin n MUCH MUCH MORE!!!!

On Friesday (24th) mee n nice lady-hooman from the Kennel Klub will pikk the winnur! WOOO HOOO!!!!

(Remember to make sure your page is enabled for Cana can message you via FB or email you if you win. Ed)

WUFF

Cana's Computishun for Crotchs (Crufts... yawn Ed)

 Here is sumfing to gett yoos in the mood for jokees.....

Dogg goez into Post Hoffice to send a telygram (Er, are you sure? Ed)
Telygram reedz "Wuff, wuff, wuff wuff. Wuff, wuff wuff wuff. Wuff"
Posty Hoffice hooman seyz "Yoos only gott 9 wuffs here. For same muney yoo cann havs 10 wuffs".
Dogg is WELL PUZZLLED..... "Butt then it wudn't make any sense!"

BUM BUM! (I think you mean Boom Boom Cana)

Send yor bestest doggy jokees to mee on my Face Book page n winn yor hoomanz 2 FREE TIKKETS TO CROTCHS!

WUFF

*HIMPAWTUNT ANNOWNCEMUNT*

Computishun Time for Cana Fanz.

Winn 2 tikkets for CROTCHS (CRUFTS!!!!! Ed)

Listun curfully ALL DOGGEES. Yooz can entur yoor hoomanz in Crotchs - (CRUFTS!! mutter, mutter.. Ed) - by winnin tikkets for thems.

All yooz need to doo is tellz mee yor bestest doggy joke EVUR.
Post yor joke onn my Face Book wall.
Bestest, mostest FUNNYUST joke will winz 2 hooman tikkets. SIMPLES!

Jokes musted be posteded by 24 Feb!

(WELL HIMPAWTUNT STUFF - makez sure I cann messuge yoo on yor FB page or email yoo if yoo winn.)

http://www.crufts.org.uk/

WUFF

TITTER!

Big NOOS!
Mee, Cana - Celebruty NitWit n Literererary Phenominumnum iz now linked to TITTER!!! (Twitter! Ed)

Lukk for 'CanaDoggy'

Juzt hav to wurk owt howz to use itt.........

 

 

 

Big Impawtunt event in Doggy Calundur cummin up..... CROTCHS!!

(CRUFTS!!!!! Ed.)

CROTCHS is HOOGE fun day wot is organasized by doggees to showw offs ther hoomans.
Doggees leed ther hoomanz arownd a BIG ring. All the doggees hav to sniff hoomans n then theyz putt upp ther paws for BESTEST wuns. Bestest hoomans win PRIZES - like yeers supply of TRIPE! (Yum!)

Hoomans must bee enturererd in classes....
Class Wun: Blakk wuns
Class Too: Brawn wuns
Class free: Wite wuns
Class For: Yello wuns
Class Five: Big wuns
Class Six: Ickle wuns
Class Snevun: Finn wuns
Class Ate: Fatt wuns
Class Nine: (Yes, yes I think we have the idea now Cana.... sigh...)

Fings wot make hoomans win prizes....

1. Theyz smells nice.
2. Theyz givvs yoo treets.
3. They iz gudd at throwin ballz.
4. They iz gudd at collektin poo.
5. Theyz like goin for WALKEES.
6. They is gudd at TIKKLING TUMMEES.
7. They tikkle tummees FOR AGES.
8. Wunce theyz hav stopped tikklin tummee, theyz havv short brake n do itt agin.
9. Theyz recognize HIMPAWTUNCE of tummy tikklin for ALL FINGS to livvs in PEAS N HARMUNY n be HAMBASSIDORS for tummy tikklin WHER-EVUR theyz go n NEVUR STOPP in thers qwest to make NON-TUMMY-TIKKLIN a FING OF THE PAST for poor depraved hoomans wot don't know bettur.

(Er, right then... Ed)

www.crufts.org.uk/ticket-office

Mornin rootine (numbur too)

Wen Mum is inn barfroom I take brake from STARIN HINTENTLY at door n go n wake Dad upp. Is time for Cana's mornin ABLOOSHUNS!

Thiz is mostest HEXCITING bit of Poor Old Dad'z day! I takez Dad down the gardun to CANA'S-TOILUT-AREA, wot is behind the shedd. Thiz is wher I do my pooin n weein.
...
Iz HEXTWEEMLY HIMPAWTUNT to gett HEXACTLY right place for poos.
Pooin is WELL HIMPAWTUNT jobb for doggees n must bee takun HEXTWEEMLY SERIOWSLY.

I go rownd n rownd n rownd n rownd in curcles for AGES tryin to gett the CORREKT SPOT.
Here? ..... No!
Here? ..... No!
Thiz wun? ..... Mmmm, maybee.... (tryz sqwatting, tail pump actshun reddy)......
NO, FALSE ALARM - is snot rite.

(Meenwhile, Dad getz very hexcitud. "Gudd gurl Cana", "Cum on now", "Gudd gurl", "Pleese Cana". Sumtimes cannot contain himmself ANY LONGUR n singz the Nike song; "Just Do It!")

Dad is WELL PLEESED wen hav dun my poo. He LUVS THEMS! He colleckts thems in ickle baggs to keepz them safe. Latur on he putts thems in speshal POO SAFES wot r in the park. Aftur a bit, they iz empteed n all the poo takun to a sheshal POO BANK wher it stored nice n snafe.

Wish I new wher the BIG POO BANK is! Just fink... all that poo in a HOOGE poo MOWNTAIN just rite for rollin in!

Must make it CANA'S LIFE MISSUN to find hooge POO MOWNTAIN (espeshly wun for foxes) n roll n roll n roll n roll n roll..............

Aaaaaah....

HIMPAWTUNT ANNOWNCEMUNT.

Cana (Celebruty NitWit n Literererury Hexpurt) Helpz Hooman Pupps to Reed!!!!

Listun carfully hooman pupps. Watch n LERN....

Lessun Wun: 'A'

'A' is for ANAL GLANDZ.

Anal glandz is ickle fings wot liv in yor bottum. Theyz make yor poo nice n stinky n help yoo snot to gett constupidated!

Wen they is bein NORTY BAD anal glandz (no biskit!) theys make yor bum hole REELY SORE. Sumtimes yoo hav to slide alongs the floor on yor bottum to makez it bettur. If thiz dusn't wurk, try likkin yor bum (or sumwun elses).
It mite snot help, but at leest it tastes nice!

My sistur Kylie (the SLAPPUR) had WELL BADD anal glandz wunce. They gotted all STUFFED UP WIV POO!

Poor Kylie's bum REELY HURT (he he he...)

She hadd to go to the VET n hav themz SQWEEZED! ...... :o)

www.thekennelclub.org.uk/barkandread

Mornin Rootine. (Numbur wun)

(Doggy's is gudd at rootines. We likes to know HEXACTLY wen fings is happunin n take STRIKT KONTROL so's hoomanz does snot gett in a KERFUFFUL!)

1. Cana's HALARM goes off.
Thiz is nexted to Mum'z bedd. It tellz mee to GETT MUM UP. (Sumtimes it doesesn't go off! Mum callz it 'WEE KENDZ'. Thiz is a BAD FING.
Hav to gett Mum upp anywayz cos I is a GUDD DOGG.

2. Sit next to Mum'z bedd n STARE HINTENTLY>>>>>>
Likk Mum'z eers.
Made 'huffin' noises.
BOWNCE ON BEDD n wait for signul............. "Gerrof Cana"
Mum is A WAKE!! :o)

3. Mum goes intoo barf-room.
Barf-roomz is 4 showerin. Showerin is wot happuns wen yoo is reely reely stinky n has rolleded in sumfing nice - like poo!
Mum must roll in poo EVURY NITE n gett reely stinky cos she showurers EVURY SINGUL DAY!!!!!!!!!

4. Barf-rooms is WELL DANGUROWSE places. Mum REFOOOSES to take mee in to lukk aftur hur. Grrrr
Only wun fing 4 it..... sit owtside door n STARE HINTENTLY at it to makez sure Mum cums owt agin. (Sumtimes whinin helpz too)

Cana's speshal SOOPER DOOPER NitWit powerz is HEXTWEEMLY SUCESSFUL. Evury time I STARES HINTENTLY at barf-room door, aftur a foo minutez, -Mum cums owt agin!!!

Mum, YOO IS SAFE! SUCESS!!!!

BOING, BOING, BOING :o)

WUFF.

HIMPAWTUNT HANNOWNCEMUMT EVERYWUN!

Them nice hoomanz at the Kennul Klub hav startud sumfing called 'BARK N WEED'.
(Bark and READ! Ed)

Of corse, barkin n wee-in iz eezy for doggees but happaruntly ickle hooman pups find thiz DIFFICULT! (???)
-
-
-
Oops, Dad seys is snot WEE-IN at all, but REEDIN!! (Why did yoos snot SAY so thens????)

Anywayz, hooman pupps is WELL BADD at reedin (not like doggees wot can reed HEXPERTLY!) n needz a helpin paw sumtimes. The Kennul Klub wantz doggees to takes their hoomanz into skoolz so doggees can listun to hooman pupps reedin.

(You have GOT to be kidding me? Ed)
NO! Iz STRUE!

If yoo hav a hooman wiv sum spare time (cos they don't do HIMPAWTUNT FINGS like snoozin n wuffin n chasin stikks n BOWNCIN) gett thems to contakt the Kennul Klub (www.thekennelclub.org.uk/barkandread) n HELP HOOMAN PUPPS TO REED.

LETZ MAKE 2012 THE YEER THAT HOOMAN PUPPS REED AS SWELL AS DOGGEES CAN!

WUFF!

Here iz mee ins the SNOW! Iz BESTEST FING!

Hmmmm, ICE SCREAM!! Nom, nom, nom, nom.......

Shhhh, lukk...... I fownded sumfing to POWNCE on!

I iz a FIURCE wolfy, stompin thru the SNOW! Wher is thems norty WABBITS???

Cum on inn. The watur'z luvlee!