HIPPY NOO EARS!

Am WEELY HEXCITED!!! (Wot is stwange n rare fing for mee as I is usually mostest peasful NitWit picture of CALM N SERENUTTY, like my frend Dial-a-Llama.........OMMMMMMMM - Wuff).

HOOOGE HEXCITEMUNT is cos tumorrow is NOO EARS DAY!!!!!

Mum sed today is lastest day for old ears :o( cos at MIDNITE everywun will havs BRAND NOO EARS FOR HOLE YEAR!!!!

Do like my old ears tho cos they is bestest, mostest bootiful, silkyust n mostest poyntyest-up ears EVUR, but very norty doggees wot shall remain NAMELUSS (like my sistur Kylie n ESPESHALLY that WELL NORTY Keeba, Grrr) keepz HINSISTIN ons CHEWIN THEMS! (Hurrumph)

Noo ears howevvur, will be EVUN BETTUR n ANYWUN wot cumms neer thems is goin to getts WELL GUDD DUFFIN!

(Oops, bakk to calm serenutty........OMMMMMMMMM - Wuff, Plinky Plonky Moosic etc....)

HIPPY NOO EARS EVERYWUN!

WUFF.

"Let It Poo!"

"Well the wevver owtside is fweezin
Snortin snow wot startz me sneezin
Wen there's nuffin much else to dooo
Let it poo, let it poo, let it pooo"

"Findin DeddFings snot so eesy
Wen I does, it makes Mum queezy
N there's nuffin much else to dooo
Roll in poo, roll in poo, roll in poo"

Jingle WUFFS!

12 Dayz of Crispmush.....

Onn the 12th day of Crispmush,
my poo luv sentz to meeee........
12 bummers bummin'
11 pooers poopin'
10 NitWits leapin'
9 doggees bowncin'
8 mutts a-mingin'
7 swans excapin',
6 gooses sqwarkin',
FIVE DEDDED FIIIIIIIINGZ............
4 cooing burdz (sluuuurp!)
3 French henz (le sluuurp!)
2 turtle duvvs,
N a partridge (wivowt the pear tree pleez!)

MURKY CRISPMUSH EVERYWUN! WUFF...

Story of Crispmush!

Wunce upun a time, a loooong looooong time ago there wos a right stir (BRIGHT STAR! Ed.) ovur Bifflehum.

The right stir wos cos EVERYWUN wos WELL HEXCITED abowt forfcumming arrival of the BABY CHEESES! (BABY JE..... oh it doesn't matter! Ed)

All the haminals gavvered tugevver. Donkey wos there, Moo Cow wos there, ickle Lambsy wos there, n hoff course Wolfie wos there to make sure ickle Lambsy wo...s alrite n not wonderin off sumwhere n eeting properly so he wos NICE N FAT..... (Wolfie wos in his sheepz costoom too soz that Lambsy didn't feelz left owt nor nuffin.)

Lukkily ther wos snow room in the Binn for the Baby Cheeses wot everywun wos WELL PLEESED abowt so they all sweezeded into Donkey's howse for a HOOGE party. (Well it WOS Crispmush aftur all!)

WUFF!

Sum fings is just SNOT FAIR!

I is WELL GUDD at collektin stikks. Big stikks, small stikks, bendy stikks, swaight stikks, HOOGE stikks...... But NEVUR allowded to bring thems inn the howse. Grrr....

I tries to sneek thems inn, but Dad ROBBS them offs mee n CONFUSKATES thems!!!! Sumtimes I pretend I can't sees Dad n keepz holdin on to MY stikk n don't lukk at Dad n HIGNORE hims n pretend Dad DU...SN'T HEXIST until Dad getz HEXASPERATEDED n pulls it off mee. Hurrumph.....

Dad seys "Drop the stikk Cana, cum on now, Drop it, Drop it, Cana? Cana, DROP!" (Don't know whys he keepz sayin it, - I HERDED YOO THE FURST TIME!!!!)

WORSTED FING is tho, Dad brunged sumfing noo into howse yesturday.....
Snot an ickly stikk, snot a bendy stikk, snot evun ANY stikk..... but HOOOGE WHOLE TREEE!!!! Wot is goin ons????????

How cums I is snot allowed incey-wincey ickly stikk n Dad can havs HIS OWN TREE????

Is SWELL SNOT FAIR! Grrrr
Hav got mys SOOPER DOOPER wolfy eyez on Dad's stoopid tree tho.....

Big tree + big, sharp Cana teefs = LOTZ N LOTZ OF STIKKS (he he he he...)

WUFF!

Thort for Tuday!

(From Dr Cana's casebook.......)

"Sleepz..... Is 19 Hours Reely Enuff???" :0/

As we all knowz, sleepin is gudd for yoo. I likes to gett AT LEEST 19 hourz, but maybee is SNOT ENUFF?

IS CONSTUNT WORRY n startin to givs mee HINSOMNIA!!!!!
(SHOKKING TRUTH:- only hads 18 n half hourz yesturday cos of all stress n that!!!!)

Wen yoo is CELEBRITY NitWit like mee, is WELL HIMPAWTUNT to keepz yor stwength upp for wen yoo is meetin all yor fans n HADMIRERS.

Ther is lotz of differunt kindz of sleepz for differunt HOCCASIONS....
Snoozin ('day sleepz')
Zonkin (wen yoo has bin bowncin lots n is WELL ZONKED)
Nappin (ickle sleepz)
Sleepzyrobics (wen yoo is sleepin but runnin n wuffin at the sames time!)
SleepzyLURT (sleepin but on lukk owt for signz of walkees sos can LEEP INTO HACTIONS AT MOMUNTZ NOTICE)

Is all very tirin tho........ ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Greetins Teknique!

Hav bin perfektin my Greetins Teknique!

Bin develupin HEXTRA SNENSORY skills so I sno HEXACTLY wen Mum is cumin home. 10 minz befor she cums bakk I is A LURT n starin HINTENTLY at the dorr wiv speshal X-RAY eyez -----------

Then I startz whinin, wot graduallly getz lowder n LOWDER, n LOWDER.....

Thens Mum opens the dorr.... Is himpawtunt to paws (PAUSE! Ed.) for hexactly 2 snekkonds (1 elefunt, 2 elefunt) ....... n then ALL SYSTUMS GOOOOOOO!!!!

Cue BOWNCIN, cue BOINGING IN CURCLES, cue BANGIN INTO FURNITURE, cue GOING TO GETT DAD N TELL HIM MUM IS HOMED! (Boing,Boing, Boing)

Note: thiz must bee dun til Mum has sedded "gud gurl Cana, calm down now, thatz enuff, gud gurl, gurd gurl, STOP!!!!!!"

Then (bestest bit) I go n gett Mum a presunt..... FROM BIN!
Bin is bestestest place for presuntz. All sortz of luvlee fings in bin. Mum is WELL HAPPY!

Finully... time to lie on bakk wiv legz in air so Mum can rubb my tummy cos I is such a GUDD DOGG!

WUFF!

Snot Well!

Fings bin WELL ODD thiz week!

Mum woz in bedd snoozin ALL THE TIME? Dad sed thiz is called 'SNOT WELL'.
SNOT WELL meenz yoo do lotz of snoozin, sikkin ups, pooin n groanin....

N needz celebrity NitWit Dr Cana 2 lukks aftur yoos!! :o)

SWELL HIMPAWTUNT to lukk aftur Mum at ALL TIMES cos wen yoo is SNOT WELL, can't go 4 walkees (wot is very BAD FING!).

Snot all badd tho.....
Wos hespeshlee hexcitin wen Mum wos bein sikky, cos (az all doggys know) SIKK IS BESTEST FING! (Sluurp, he he he....)

(Usually only findz sikk owtside neer speshal hooman place called PUBB. Dad alwayz pulls mee aways tho, GRRRR!)

Mum's sikk wos in bowl too, wot ment must hav bin 4 mee!!
Cum on hoomans. I IS REDDY 4 MY SIKK NOW! (hexcited boings n wuffs!)

Wot?
Dad is takin sikk n puttin it down toilut????
NOOOOO!!!

SNOT FAIR! Terribul waste of gudd sikk. Hurrumph... Grrrrr........

Cana had an ickle lamb.

 

Cana had an ickle lamb wots fleez wot white as snow
N everywhere wot Cana went the fleez wos sure to go
Theyz maded hur fur itch weelly bad wot scratchin didn’t help
Then Dad put on sum 'Advocate' wot made the fleez all yelp

And so the ickle fluffy lamb wot Cana did so luff
Got luffed n sqweezed n chewed n stomped til well n truly duffed
Why is lamb all mingin’ now? Cana’s mum did showt
Cos Cana gobbed all ovur it n wiped it wiv hur snowt!

Problum

OOiii Cana, Bonkers here, youz got to help.

This rat fing has moved into my howse!! Now I is living with a pig and a rat, hhuurrmph. whenz u comin rownd to hextermiat it for me?? I's cant eat it cos its mee-ha pups fing and she will cry.

For god sake what is goin on rownd here, its joke!!

Discuvver Doggz

Mum wented to Discuvver Doggz on Shaturday.

(Hurrumph...Don't sno why? I is here ALREDDY!!)

All's swell wot endz swell tho. Mum discuvverered lotz of luvly fings like.....

Noo bedd 4 mee!
Noo toy 4 mee too!
Lotz of free tweets 4 mee!
Lots of free fud 4 mee too! (Wot I is now REFUUSIN to eet... he he he)
N bestest of all......
CARDBORD BOXES! Wot r bestestest fings in HOLE WURLD 4 rippin upp n grrrrrring at n stompin n buryin in sofa!

DISCUVVER DOGGS! (n boxes) WUFF.

Mum n Dad lefted mee all alone! Snot fair. Sniff...

Usually I waits til they're gonned n then go in Mum n Dad's beddroom!

Iz snice in beddroom. Lotz of luvlee fings to sniff n likk. Sumtimes hav an incey-wincey taste of fings too n see if tasty fings needz chewin. Nom nom nom nom....

Thiz time, SHOKK HORROR.....

MUM HAD TIEDED UPP BEDDROOM DOOR 2 TRY N CONFOOZE MEE!!!!

Tuk AGES to opun it.... Trieded chewin rope - sno gudd.
Tried undooin nasty knott - sno gudd.
Trieded starin WEELY HARD at dor 2 HYPMUTISE it wiv speshal NitWit powers.... STILL sno gudd!
Wos VERY FRUSTRATIN!

Thens, brain wave..... BASH DOOR WEELY HARD N BOX IT WIV PAWSES!!

Maded luvly patturns on door!!

Mum n Dad wos WELL HIMPRESSED wen theys got home. WUFF!

HIMPAWTUNT ANNOWNCEMENT OF COMPETISHUN WINNUR!!!

Choosin winnur wos EXTWEEMLY HARD n havs bin finking lotz abowt it.... BUT..

2 free tikkets to Discuvver Boggs (Discover Dogs! Ed.) goes 2 Mala Bissoon's neece Isobel.

Issybel hadd 2 hampersters but they gott dedded. (Wot did Izzybull do wiv hampersters? Did she eetz thems or hidd themz in sofa?) Now Issybell wantz to gett RAT, wot is WELL GUDD idea, espeshlee dedd wun wot can bee burreed in gardun 4 tastee snakk latur.

Now Izzybul needz dogg to go wiv Rat n can gett everyfing wot she needz at Discuvver Boggs!

Well dun Mala n Hisaball n HOOGE fank yoo 2 everywun wot entereded! WUFF....

Bumfire Nite!

Had WELL HIMPAWTUNT job yesturday. Wos GUY FARTS day n 2 celebrate, tuk Mum n Dad 2 Fartwurks Display. Fartwurks celybrate bootyful farts by makin lowd bangs (like reel farts) n lots of sparkly, pretty lites (like reel farts too).

Wos WELL PROWD. Mum n Dad snot scareded AT ALL!

Mee, Cana, wos HEXTWEMELY calm n HASSERTIVE 2 makes them SUBSMISSIVE. They wos very gudd hoomans.... WELL DUNN gudd hoomans!

Sum hoomans brunged ther ickly hooman pups alongs too. Mee, Cana, hads to lick ALL OF THEMS. Wurk, wurk, wurk.....

Snot only that! Feeld we wos standin ins had SNO HOLES IN IT!!!! Nevur mind, feeld lukked much bettur aftur I dugged HOOGE HOLE.

Then Mum n Dad saweded the hole.

Then we wents home!

Wuff!

Deer Cana

hello Cana, Pasti here, there is somefing well bad going on, there are these really loud bangs outside which is making Bonkers be a pansy and hide in the toilet. mum gave her some drugs too but she is still being big girls blouse not like me asti pasti fearless wolf. wuff

Cana's Guide 2 Discuvver Doggs.

2. PooDoggs!

PooDoggs cum in 2 sizes, Ickle wuns (wot r WELL TINY) n Bigg wuns (wot is BIGG).

PooDoggs hav weelly tite curlywurly fur. Bit like OldLadeeHoomans wiv permz wot gon 4 walkees in rain.

PooDoggs is MISSUNDURSTUD doggies cos wot they is weely likin bestest is anyfing 2 do wiv poo. Like....

Rollin in poo
Stompin in poo n spreddin it ons the furniture
Havin a poo
Eetin poo (speshly cat poo, wot is BESTEST FING IN HOLE WURLD. Sluurp!)

Bad hoomans don't lett poor PooDoggs play wiv poo, but trys to keepz thems cleen (yuk!) n cut PooDoggs fur (GaspWuff) in stwange shapes.....??

HELP THE POODOGGS NORTY HOOMANS. LET THEMS PLAY WIV POO!!!

HIMPAWTUNT ANNOWNCEMUNT!!!

Only 2 mor days til Discuvver Doggs competitshun ENDS!

Send yor nomnomnominations for MOSTESTSADESTLONELYHOOMAN wot needs 2 tikkets to Discuvver Doggs to mee (on my FB wall) by END OF TOMORROW.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Cana/127651483940844

(Cana's mum here. Make sure you can be contacted by a FB non-friend. Include your email address on Cana's wall post, enable non-friends to send you a message on your FB page or have your email address listed on your FB info page, available for non friends to see.)

DISCUVVER SCONNS. (Bit like Discuvver Doggs but wiv nice chewy bitts.) WUFF!

Here I is Discuvverin the Sconn. It wos tryin to gett aways but I wos trakking it wiv my SOOPER DOOPER sense of snowt!

See below 4 wot happuned next.....

DISCUVVER SCONNS. (Continood)

GOTCHA! Sconn wos gonned in SEKONDS. (Dad didn't susspect a fing! he he he....)

Cana's Guide 2 'Discuvver Doggs'

1. Labradoggs!

Labradoggs is WELL KNOWN as wun of mostest HINTELLIGUNT doggs.
(Like mee, cept hof course I is Norvvern NitWit!)

They is WELL BRAINY n wurk in laboraroraraatories doin HIMPAWTUNT HEXPERIMUNTZ like.....

How fast can labradoggs eetz ther brekkfast?
How many sokks can wun labradogg eetz wivowt bein sikk?
If yoo hav wun labradogg wiv a HOOGE BONE n 2 more labradoggs wiv HOOGE BONES, how long will it take themz to digg upp the gardun?

Is WELL HIMPAWTUNT resurch 4 Mucks Factor  wot helpz doggies ALL ROWND THE WURLD (cos we is wuff it!).

(Remumbur, keepz yor competitshun entrees cumin in!) WUFF!

www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Cana/127651483940844

DISCUVVER DOGGS!

Oops, maded bit of mistuk....

Snot Discuvver Boggs party AT ALLS (Grr) but DISCUVVER DOGGS!
(Why needs 2 discuvver doggs? HELLOO, I IS HERE?!!)

All very confoosin?....

Anywayz, Discuvver Doggs helpz PoorSadLonelyHoomans find doggies 2 lukk aftur thems. Aww.... poor ickle hoomans wot is ALL sad n lonely (Sniff...)

Nevur fear PoorSadLonelyHoomans. IS HEXCITIN CANA-COMPUTISHUN TIME!

Nice ladee hooman at KennelKlub giveded mee Cana (Wurldz furst celebrity NitWit) 2 FREE TIKKETS 2 giv 2 MOSTEST SADDEST LONLYEST HOOMAN wot I can findz.

If yoo fink yoo know mostest saddest lonlyest hooman then write 2 mee on my FaceBuk wall.

www.facebook.com/pages/Cana/127651483940844

Cum on SadHoomans. Wher ARE YOO? WUFF!

'DISCUVVUR BOGS'!!

HEXCITIN NOOS!!

12 n 13 Novumber, HOOGE party called 'DISCUVVUR BOGS'.
(DISCOVER DOGS! Ed)

Can't wait!!  Bogs is my favorite fing (exxcept DeddFings n mud). Yoo gets lotz of mud in bogs too n sumtimes poo as swell wot is WELL GUD!

Bogs cum in 2 kindz....

1. Owtside bogs. Fownded in feelds n ditches n stuff wen ons walkees. (Gud 4 stompin n bowncin in)

2. Inside bogs. Fownded in barf-roomz. Gudd 4 slurpin watur owt of in hott wevver. (Makes watur WELL TASTY!)

Cum 2 Discuvver Dogs 4 LOWDS of bog sniffin n mudd stompin!!!

Famowse NitWits (Inuits! Ed) from History

Marie AntoinNitWit!

Marie AntoinNitWit wos famowse French doggy wot lived AGES ago (befor even Dad wos borneded).

(I can speeks French too, "ho hee ho hee haw, Le Wuff!")

She wos speshlee fond of CAKE (wot is my favorite fing.... apart froms MUD) wot she gived to pheasants!!!

Pheasants??! Why???  (Peasants! Ed, sigh...)

French pheasants wer REVOLTIN (not like HINGLISH wuns, Yumm)

Ovver doggies wos WELL ANGRY all cake wos gonned, so theyz sent 4 Irish NitWit, Gill O'Tine to sortz hur owt!

Wuff!

Dr Cana's Casebuk

Wos calleded owt on HEMERGENCY MISSION 2 Tumpanini Family wot wos ALL SIKK!!!

Dr Cana (thaz is mee!) did HEXAMINE thems thorouly.
Unkle Murky Tumpanini had bottum sniffin, MiaPup Tumpanini had paw nibbling, BillPup Tumpanini had eers cheweded n bottum hinspection n Arnty Biff Tampanini had toeses slurped.

Hmmm, very HINTERESTIN......

They is ALL sufferin from SERIOWSE FINGS!

Unkle Murky - Kennel coff n worms!
Arnty Biff - Worms!
BillPup - Fleez n MORE worms!
MiaPup - Mondayitis (N WORMS!)

Only wun solushun - Arsepirin!

Anal Glands

Song 4 my Sistur Kylie-the-Slappur

(To the tune of 'Edelweiss' from 'The Sound of Music', Ed)

Anal Glands, Anal Glands
Every morning yoo greeeeet meeee
Small n wite, cleen n brite
Yoo lukk happy to meet meeee
Big n red wen they’re stuffed wiv poo
Stuffed wiv poo all togevver
Anal Glands, Anal Glands
Bless my bum hole forever

Anal Glands, Anal Glands
It’s a plessure to sniifff thems
Slide on the floor wen they’re red n sore
Musn’t lett the vet neer thems
Sqweeze thems hard n it weely hurts
Nasty vet had a tussle
Anal Glands, Anal Glands
Ended up in a muzzle

WUFF!

POORLY BOTTUM!

Sistur Kylie (Slappur) had POORLY BOTTUM!

Wos bigg n redd like HOOGE BABBOON.
(Didn't lukk any diffrunt 2 mee. Kylie = Babboon Bum!)

Missus Vet did BOTTUM HEXAMINATION. She had a gudd SNIFF n poked sumfing up Kylie's bum hole (hur nose?)

DOGISNOSIS: Kylie's ANAL GLANDZ wos stuffed upp wiv poo!
Missus Vet sqweezed Kylie's bum WEELY HARD. Arnty Lurraine sed wos WELL PAINFUL!

Poor Kylie (he he he)

Hocus Poocus!

Am gettin WEELY gudd at Mystic Mogg stuff!

Put hokus pookus spell on Mum's car last nite n maded it HINVISIBUL!!

Mee n LucyAnn wantud sleepovur. Cos am Mystic Mogg Cana, WitchyPoo HEXTRODINAIRE wos WELL EESY. Maded car DISSAPEER! Mum n Arnty Ronder woz lukkin for AGES. (he he)

Mum wos bit upset, but wurth it cos wee had 2 go bakk 2 Arnty Ronder's howse n mee n LucyAnn wos bowncin n singin ALL NITE. Singin wos BestestsFing. Arnty Ronder n Mum wos WELL HIMPRESSED n harldy slepted AT ALLS!

Then this mornin I tukks spell away n car woz HEGSACTLY wer we lefted it.

He he. Hocus Poocus WUFF!

HIMPAWTUNT ANOWNCEMUNT!

Poppy is GONNED!

Mum n Dad tuk Poppy 2 Missus Vet. Wen got bakk wos very STWANGE...

Lukked like Poppy, smelt like Poppy but woz snot Poppy? :o/ FingWotWozPoppy smelt sort of... DEDDED!

M n D woz cryin 4 AGES. D dugged BIG HOLE n put FingWotWozPoppy in it. (Then they putt HOOGE plant pott on top so can't digg FingWotWozPoppy upp. They woz lukkin at mee suspikously. Mee? Digg?)

Hoomans iz WELL STOOPID. Raoul n mee sawed RealPoppy flyin ovur rufftops in serch of HADVENTURES, but M n D jus kepted cryin.

Bum Voyage Poppy! Happy flyin. XXX

SERCH N RESQUE DOGGY!

Poppy went on HADVENTURE last nite.

Dad put her in the gardun befor bedd-time n she went WALKYBOWT! (Dad wos supposed to stop upp hole in fence, but didn't - Mum wos WELL ANGRY)

Dad n mee wos lukkin 4 AGES.

Cana - SERCH N RESQUE DOGGY!

We lukked EVERYWERE. I resquued...

a stikk
sum poo
a fether
too snails!!!

Then Dad fownded Poppy in Arnty Barbra's gardun. She wos playin HIDE N SNEEK!

Bad Poppy! WUFF

"All Fings Brite n Bootiful"

All fings brite n bootiful
All cweetures small wot crawl
All fings wise n wondurful
The NitWit sqwished thems all

Eech ickle flower wot opens
Eech ickle bird wot sings
Go stompin thru the mukk n poo
N huntin for DeddFiiiiiiiings

All fings brite n bootiful
All creetures bigg n smaaaall
All fings noo n bowncyble
The NitWit chewed thems all.

WUFF!

Thiz week is 'Poorly Paw Week'.

Woz runnin fru forest aftur DeddFing-wot-woz-not-dedded-yet n sumfing BITT ME!!
Must hav bin EXTWEEMLY FIURCE CWEETURE cos nuffin else wud DARE mess wiv mee, Cana-the-Destroyur (n Wurld's Furst Agonee Innit).

I haz bin WELL FED UPP sinze then, cos Dad is makin mee do walkees ON EVIL LEED!!

Snot fair. How is I to lukk aftur Dad propurly wen snot allowed bowncin?? I is tryin to bownce on 3 leggs, but Dad is RUININ FINGS.

Grr... WUFF!

To my frend Keeba....

Happy Biffday to yoo
Wens we rolled in foxx poo
All stinky n mingin'
Now I smells like a loo!

xxx

WEED ALL ABOWT IT.... POPPY FEIGNS DEFF TO GETZ DRUGGS!!

Poppy woz WELL SIKK this week. Mum n Dad woz cryin all the times n NICE MAN at vetz sed is time to go to sleep. (? Stwange, woz sleepin alreddy!)

Norty Poppy woz only PRETENDIN to bees sikk to getz ANYBOLLOCKS STEROIDS. They is well NORTY n givs yoo HOOGE muskles (like mee!). Poppy shud SAY NO, but is BAD DRUG HADDICT n will getz BANNEDED from next yeer's PUSSYLIMPICS!

WUFF!

Dear Cana

Mummy n daddy is sendin me to skool for norty dogs wiv asbo's

I is not norty, I jus being fewocious wolf

I haven't eaten any puppies or doggies yet, just throweded them round lots n lots

Grrrr going to see 'nice man'

Hippo Biffday Zeeb!

Zeeb livs at Slapperery Heights wiv my sistur Kylie (the Slappur) n poor old labradears Booby n Dummer.

Poor Zeeb, fancy havin to liv wiv Kylie ALLS THE TIME?!!!!! Is enuff to drives yoo BONKERS!

Remebur Zeeb, biffdays is 4 makin wishes (he he he). Wot? Yoo maded wish n it SNOT CUM TWOO? Kylie snot bin SQUISHED BY HOOGE MEATYORITE FALLIN FROM SKY??!

Nevur mind Zeeb, next yeer! WUFF

Mystik Mogg weeds future!

Tuday mee, Mystik Mogg is lukkin in Crystul Ball n weedin the future!
(Wot? Ball? Wher?)

Wot will happun tuday?

Hmm, I sees Dad n mee goin walkees. (BOING, BOING!) Luvlee muddy feeld, mmm. Lotz of stompin.... Lukk woz that? Rivur! Theres mee goin in.... WehHaay!

KONSUNTRATE Cana!

I sees ovver doggy... (BOWNCY BOING!) .... oops sorree!
Dad is draggin mee aways. (Why?)

Wot else? Ahh... Bed! zzzzzzz

I is BESTEST at weedin future!
Woooo!

Dr Cana!

Arnty Beff is makin Doggy Furst Aid Kit!

Is HEXELUNT idea 4 mee Dr Cana (Wurld's furst Consultunt NitWit in Orthapawdics -wot is bones n stuff)

Kontentz of Furst Aid Kit -

Hemerguncy stikks
DeddFings (4 post-moretums)
More DeddFings (4 post-soretums)
MORE DeddFings (snakk to keep stwenth up)
Skirtin Boards (4 Hemerguncy likkin)
Stethuscoop (listenin 4 postman)

Dr Cana will seez yoo now! Bend ovur pleez...

Unifurshity!

My bruvver Joel is goin to unifurshity!

Unifurshity is 4 studyin fings like bones n deddfings.

(I is bestest at bones n deddfings tho. I knows EVURYFING)

As swell as bones n deddfings, Joel is doin Psycho-ology wot is study of fings wot is WELL MADD (Like my frend Bonkers!) n do HEXPERIMUNTZ.

Hexperimuntz is chewin fings (to see if chooey), stompin fings (to see if dedded) n bowncin fings (to see if bowncy).

Is very HIMPAWTUNT! WUFF

Mee n Poppy, sofa buddees!

Wolf Conversation

 

Mum iz going on n on abowt Wolf Conversation Twust. (CONSERVATION!! Ed.)

Sowndz WELL GUDD. Can't wait for lotz of nice chatz wiv ovver wolfees n talk abowt HEXCITIN fings like

bones
deddfings
diggin
stompin
politwits

Maybe cud have noo job as Dippy lomat to wolfees?

Cum on wolfees. Iz gudd to talk. WUFF!

Weedin'

My fwends Jade n Mutt is doin the weedin tomorrow. (Er, "wedding". Ed)

Weedin is wot I liks to do in the gardun n is gudd 4 diggin n chewin n rollin in mudd n BESTEST of all.... BOWNCIN!

Weedin makes yor paws all muddy wot is WELL GUDD FING so Jade n Mutt will getts nice n durty too. Speshlee ther paws n snowts.

Rembur Mutt... lotz of nice durty stuff for Jade!

WUFF

Hooverin AGIN! Doggy's wurk is NEVUR DUN.

(Hmm, givs nice sqwishy feelin in bottum too.....)

Here I ams helpin Dad wiv hooverin. Is WELL HIMPAWTUNT jobb!

Stwange........

Very Stwange Fing.....

Mum n Dad is differunt colurs!!!!

Came bakk from HOOGE long walkees. Lasted HOLE WEEK! (Didn't take mee tho, Grrr.) Now Dad changeded from wite to redd (??) n Mum from wite to spotty?? (Dad seys 'frekkles'???)

Woz is goin on?

See wot happuns wen go on walkees wivowt mee? Change colur n EVERYFING! Is WELL DANGEROWSE!

WUFF!

Arnty Lurraine is FARTY TUDAY!

Happy Fartieth Biffday Arnty Lurraine!!!

Arnty Lurraine livs wiv my sistur Kylie-the-Slappur at Slapperery Heights. Grr

Poor Arnty Lurraine... Klyie is wursest than Bonkers n Arsey putt tugevver!!!! :-(

Nevur mind - Slapperery Heights shall bee hencefurth known as FARTY HEIGHTS, wot is much bettur.

Biffday WUFFS! xxx

Super Ninny!

Himpawtunt jobb numbur 2 - SUPER NINNY!

Arnty Beff n Unkle Murky is at ther WITS END wiv bad, HOWT OF CONTROL pups, Bonkers Bella n Arsy Asti.

Is up to mee, Cana-Super-Ninny 2 sort thems owt. Grrr

Fings hav bin allowded 2 RUNS RIOT in the Big Bonky Howse so I is stayin to BIFF SUM SENSE into thems!

ATTENSHUN! Norty step 4 yoo, bad puppees. WUFF

Nurse Cana.

Snot bin on compootur cos had VERY HIMPAWTUNT job.

Poppy cat snot bin well so hav bin NURSE CANA. Nurse Cana meens must sit wiv Poppy cat at ALL TIMES n giv hur gud likkin sevural times a day.

Likkin is gudd for Poppy cos Mum sed she woz at DEFF'S DOOR (Deff? Has door?).

Woz BESTEST nurse cos now Poppy bakk to normal n biffin me wen I washs hur.

Is SNOW GUDD tho Poppy. Likkin is gudd for yoo!

SLuurp.

Mystic Mogg's (thaz mee, Cana!) Guide to Yoga.

Mystic Mogg's (thaz mee, Cana!) Guide to Yoga.

Wun: Hedd Stands...

Findz nice soft spott, mudd is alwayz gudd choice.Take DEEP breaf... bownce into mudd (WeHaaay!)
Burrow hedd (like corkscroo) 4 nice firm base
Push upp wiv bakk paws..... DONE!

Now RELAAAAAX.. (plinky plonky moozic pleese?)

Muffled WUFF...

Mystic Mog's Horriblescope - Toryarse!

Yoo hav bin finking of puppyhood dreems recently Toryarse.

Is WELL HIMPAWTUNT 2 follow dreems, hespeshly wuns involvin mudd. Romantik encownters feeture thiz week, maybe wiv short dark furry stwanger?

Is U wurkin 2 hard? Cut bakk on diggin HOOGE holes in gardun. RELAX. Plan sum howtings. Maybe short break?

Is abowt time hoomans happreciated yor hard wurk!

WUFF!

Crockadill Hunterering!

Lukk, here I ams huntin 4 CROCKADILLS!

Crockadills is HEXTREEMLY fiurce creetures, even fuircer than WABBITS (wot is WELL FIURCE!).

Crockadills liv in hespeshly stinky ponds called swamps (I lik swamps 2 but am not crockadill!).

Mee, Cana-the-Ninja is bestest crockadill catcherer EVUR.

Am in DISGUYZE, Grrrr.

'Wher is yoo crockadills? Cum owt n get BIFFED!'

Horriblescope!

Arnty Jay's BiffDay tuday so am startin

Cana's Mystic Mog Horriblescope!

Canacer...

Next yeer bwings WELL HARD challunges. Stikks r in short supply but the moon in uranus (?) meenz that playin wiv balls insted will bring lotz of happinuss - wot is a GUDD FING! Plenty of snoozin is a MUST Canacer if yoo r to keepz on TOP FORM wiv yor biffin skills. Make sure yoo poo lots to avoid tummy hupsets.

WUFF!

WALKEEBOWT!

Had ADVENTURE WALKEEBOWT larst nite!

Mum opuned dor n I RUNNED 4 IT!!

Went visitin Sally who is called naybur-nex-dor-but-wun. Hur dor wos opun...

He he...

Fownded Sally's mum n dad - 'Oldur Man Hooman' n 'Oldur Ladee Hooman'.

They wos watchin telly but ther eers needed likkin so I BOWNCED on thems - SLUURP!

They wos WELL SURPRIZED!

WUFF!See more

OWT!

Mum n Dad went 2 place called OWT.

OWT is wen Mum haz cloppy fings on hur paws n poofume.

Wen they got bakk wos WELL HEXCITIN - BOING SLUURP!

Then stwange fing ... Mum went 4 sleepz in MY BEDD! (??) We had nice cuddlez n Mum sed 'I luvs yoo Cana' OVUR n OVUR AGIN!

Mum smelled bit sikky 2 wot wos WELL HEXCITING. Sikk is BESTEST FING!

Then Dad rooined EVERYFING n made Mum go 2 barfroom.

HURRUMPH!

SPY DOGG!

Wos thiz STOOPID dor??

Mum n Dad wos WELL DUN wen got thiz. Only Raoul n Poppy cans use it so snow gud at all!

Nevur mind, is gud LUKK OWT window. Can HOBSURVE all HIMPAWTUNT cumins n goins UNDETEKTED (he he he!)

Am seecrut SPY DOGG 'James Bummed'.

'Mucktini pleese, shakun not furred!'

WUFF!

Am nevur speekin to Mum agin. Not EVUR!!!

Mum is takin mee on a HOWTING!

We r off to place called 'CLINIK' n meetin noo frend called 'VETINHAIRY SURGON'!

Mum seys he will givs mee speshal tweets n pat mee lots n complimunt mee on how I is mostest bootiful Innit in HOLE WURLD n wot HOOGE teefs I hav.

Then I get sumfing called HINJECTSHUNS n a PAWDICURE (?) ....

Can't wait. Will be mostest BESTEST FING!!
:o)  WUFF!

Is time for walkees yet? Pleeeeeeese?

Help, Help. Mum n Dad is tryin to KILLS ME!!

They is ATTAKKING me wiv terribul instrumunt of TORCHURE...
the SNAIL CLIPPURS!

I keepz hidin, but they is waitin til I start snoozin n then..... POWNCE!

Tried to hid undur the bedd, but bedd has shrunked! (??) Put my hed undur it tho wot is almowst as gud, cos can't see mee then.

Evun tried trikking me wiv bitz of cheeze.
SNO FOOLIN MEE tho!  WUFF

HOT NOOS! BONKERS BELLA HAS BIN DE-BONKED!!

Bonkers went to hopitul yesturday. Mum sed she wos sprayed - sprayed wiv wot??

Sprayin is wen yor bowncy-bonkin bits is taken aways wot meens SNO MORE BONKIN FOR BELLA!
Wos more, Arnty Beff is tryin to turn hur into LAMPSHADE??!!

Woz is goin on?  Seriows conunderum here...? WUFF!

Noo DogBog (DOGBAG!! Ed)

Is 4 wen I is wallowin in mud n poo (wot is my favorit fing). Mum can take it home wiv us in bag!

MUCH BETTUR if wos spreded ALL OVUR noo car, but snot alloweded. Grrr

Noo car smells funny too. Not wun SINGLE ICKLE WICKLE bit of mud! (??)

Is WELL WORRYIN. Cleen fings is WELL BADD for yoo. Get diseezes n stuff wen fings is cleen.

Noo mishun: make noo car nice n mukky! WUFF

Noo Muttor!

Here I ams wiv my NOO MUTTOR! (Motor, Ed)

Mum n Dad buyded it for mee n I is lernin to go muttorin. (MOTOR... oh it doesn't matter! Ed)

I evens hav own cabin called 'Dog Bog' (Dog Bag! Ed). From Dog Bog I givs instructshuns 2 Mum n Dad so theys don't gett losted.

Is law 4 hoomans to be acompaneed by doggs in carz at ALL TIMES so is WELL HIMPAWTUNT JOB!

Zoooooooomy WUUUUuuuuuff!!

Story of Abberline (aka Lassie)!

 Wun day a loong times ago, Abberlassie went 4 walkees. She got losted wot was very BAD FING.

Hur sistur lukked n sniffed, but cudn'ts find hur NOWHERE.

Poolice lukked - NUFFIN.

Hur mum lukked - NUFFIN!

Everywun wos veree worreed. Wher had Abberlassie gonned? We wos all WELL SAD! :o(

Then wos MIRAKLE. Abberlassie wos fownded agin yesturday!

WUFF WUFF!

RUN WABBIT, RUN WABBIT, RUN RUN RUN!

"Run wabbit, run wabbit, run run run
Run from the Cana with hur furry bum
Yum yum yum yum, Snakk is ons the run
Run wabbit, run wabbit, run run run.

Run Cana, run Cana, qwikk qwikk qwikk
Run from the wabbit wiv his Weetabix
Bownce bownce bownce bownce, - I IS IN A FIX!
Run Cana, run Cana, qwikk qwikk qwikk!"

WANTED, DEDDED OR ALIVE!

Kylie-the-Slappur (aka Kyla, MY sistur!). FOR CORRUPTIN YUNG MINDS!!

Yes, is troo. Klyie tried to do bowncin wiv Zeeb. Not usual bowncin like wot we ALL likes, but BAD BOWNCIN (wiv pokey bits!).

SHOKK HORRUR, Zeeb is only poor ickle PUP (wiv snot much upstairs eiver Mum sed??)!!!

Kylie usually seen hangin arownd 'Slapperery Heights' wiv Arnty Lurraine n Unkle Nikk.

If yoos sees hur, call POOLICE himediately!

Bowncin time!

Went bowncin wiv Bonkers n Av-a-Larf tuday.

Bonkers fownded a DeddFing! Wos MY DeddFing furst tho, but I let Bonkers hav it (aftur Mum draggeded mee away n told mee off, Grr!).

Wanted to keeps DeddFing n call it 'Snakk' aftur my Wabbit (wot I is SNOT allowed to hav!). Bonkers calleded it 'MINE'!

Bonkers got WELL TOLDED OFFS by Arnty Beff. She wanted DeddFing all to hurself.

BAD ARNTY BEFFS!

Mogg Show!

Went 2 Mogg Show 4 Suvvern Innits/Norvern NitWits!

Mogg show is wen doggs make ther hoomans run ups n downs n sitts nicely so hoomans gett roastettes.

Mum gott 4th in Mostest Bestest eyes!

Mummy HammyLicker got 1st for Most Bestest Runupndownerer. She wos scamperin ALL DAY! Hur doggs jus had to throw wun ball n she wudn't stopp runnin!

Well dun Mummy HammyLicker, GUD GURL!!

Bisqwit?

MOFFS - THEY IS BAKK!!

Moffs hav bin gonned for AGES now, cos mee 'Cana the Destoyur' killeded thems all wiv my paws of STEEL.

Theys make a tastee snakk too, nom nom nom nom!

Just goes to show, all Suvvern Innits must pay ATENSHUN n be A LURT, cos moffs r bakk n wot will happun if they is allowed to RUN RIOT??

Grrr, DEAFF TO ALL MOFFS!

"Yes we Cana!"

Barakk Obarmy is visitin Englund wot is neer My Howse!

Is sure to be cumin rownd for tea. Wot to eetz??

Tripe? Scrumpled Eggz? DeddFing? Cat poo? Obarmy is speshal King of Hamerica so must like HAM!!

Wish I liveded in Hamerica. Must be luvly wen everyfing is made of ham!

Obarmy is NUMBUR WUN FAN of mee Cana (wurld's furst agonee innit). Is always showtin at mee from the telly...

"Yes We Cana!"

Poysenous Fings.

Here is Raoul helpin mee wiv my brekkfust. He tests itt to see wevver is poysenous or not.

Sumtimes lots of it is poysenous!!!

Is WELL LUKKY Raoul is here cos poor mee wud be DEDDED overwise!

Raoul seys fings wot is poysenous for doggs is ok for pussycatts, wot is a BIG RELEEF! Phew!

Bifdays!!

Is Mummy HammyLicker n Mummy Saskia's bifday tuday!!

HIPPO BIFDAY MUMMYS!!

Mummy Saskia n mee is WELL ALIKE.

Boff is 1) gudd at runnin offs 2) gudd at biffin 3) gudd at not eetin!

Mummy Saskia is 6, I is 2, n Mummy HammyLicker is .......er... 21!!!

Pests at Home

Tuk Dad 2 mostest favorit shop tuday; 'PESTS AT HOME'!

Is bestest place. Showed Dad all fings wot doggys need - pigz eers (chekk!) toys (zis wun, zis wun n zis wun, chekk!) cat bisqwits (chekk!) n bestest fing.....

WABBITS!

Wos HUPMOST HIMPAWTUNCE dad buyded me wabbitt. Promissed wud lukk aftur it n take 4 walks n EVERYFING (he he!). Wud call wabbitt...

"Snakk"!

Dad wudn't get wabbit. SNOT FAIR, grrr!

Snot happee wiv Washin Repair Mann!

Nastee washin mushine is wurkin again nows n Mum has put my bedd in it.
Grr n dubble Grrr!
Dusn't smell rite, - all funny n NOO. Donts trust it!
Note to self: chew bedd, wipe snose on bedd, stomp on bedd, burry bone in bedd n find nice dedd fing 4 bedd, so makes nice n doggy agin!
WUFF!

BRAKING NOOS!

SHOKK HORROR HAM ALURT!

Dad seys WasteHam has bin binned! (Hoomans call it 'relygation')

Callin all doggs.... LUKK AFTUR YOR HAM! Bins is NO place for ham, wasted or nott. ONLY place for hams is wiv doggys, espeshlee MEE!

 

Is TRAGUDY if ham goes in bin. BAD BAD BAD FING!

GrrrSee more

Washin Machine Repair Dogg, 1.

Noo man came rown tuday cos washin machine wos sikk!

Cos am responsibul NitWit, wos himpawtunt to chekk his bagg n make sure everyfing wos presunt n correkt.

Hmm, woz this? Smells funny. Is chewee?

Washin Machine Repair Dogg, 2.

Woz this? Can yoo eets it?

Here I ams helpin Mum with hur studyin.

Is WELL hard wurk tho, lukk how tired I ams!

All those wurds...........ZZzzzzzzzz

Problum

Catrin Anne Toomey Cana,how can i stop my sister biting me all the time?Everytime i want to have a cuddle with mum or dad,she goes for me :( or when we go for a walk and we get let of our leads she does exactly the same,i cant walk even a few metres :( Mum tries to stop her,bt she still does it :( xx

CALLIN ALL DOGGS N THEIR HOOMANS!

Havin problums wiv yor mud managemunt?
Hoomans eetin bestest fud?
Catz allowed to use speshal doors n yoo can't?
Chikken rations?!!

Mee, Cana, (Wurld's Furst Agonee Innit) is happy to solve problums from doggys AND hoomans in sensetif way.

(Time wasturs will gett duffed!)

Problum

Deer Carn-uh Chouko aka Shakin' ere. I iz a bit pooorly still fwom my hoperation larst week :( I's wont to aske yoos a kwestsheon? Da boys has hoperation and den dey beelongs too 'Snowballs Gang', what doos laydees beeelong too wen dey had the girlie hoperation pleese? Lots of lufff and licks fwom meee in my howse (crate - Mummi) xxx

Step 4. "Er.... Dad, Dad, Dad........ DAAAAAAAD!!!!"

Step 3. If yoo want sumfing dooin, yoo havs to doo it yooself!"

 

Step 2. "Reddy to gett owt now Dad!"

 

Step 1. "Lukk, here I ams hexplorin the swamp n hunting for CROCKADILLS!!"

 

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

HammyLicker Suvvern Innits get togevver at Tracee n Andee's howse:


Everywun needs a Bonkers for a pillow!

HINTROODERS!

HammyLicker Suvvern Innits get togevver at Tracee n Andee's howse:

Here is mee n Bonkers keepin watch for HINTROODERS! We is pretendin to be asleeps but reely is A LURT!

Poor Unkle Nikk

HammyLicker Suvvern Innits get togevver at Tracee n Andee's howse:

Here I ams lukkin aftur Unkle Nikk. Unkle Nick wos HEXAUSTED from all that drinkin. Arnty Lurraine sed he wos hungunder (???)

'Skankiest Mutt'

Gess Wot?

I wonned a computition!! It wos 'Skankiest Mutt' in 'Company of Haminals' (Company of Animals! Ed)

Problum

Dear Cana

Uncle Murky was fixing the toilet yesterday.
While he was out buying rubber thing to fix it I helped him and chewed the pipe that was next to the toilet!!!!

Uncle murky wasn't happy wen he got home & had to go buy new pipe!

Now I have to save my pocket money to pay for new pipe, daddy says he is gona sell my bones & biskits to pay for new pipe cos I was a norty innit :-((( I will waste away if I don't eat my bones & biskits :-((((

Everyone happy cos toilet working, they could have used garden lik me.....don't know wot fuss was about!

Luff Bella xx wuff

Royal Wee-ing Day

Pwince WillyYum n Kate MuddleTum's Wee-ing day TUDAY!

Hoppy Wee-ing day WillyYum n Kate!

Is WELL HIMPAWTUNT. Corgiz wot liv in MuckyHam Palace is in charge.

ATTENSHUN!

Corgiz is WELL STWANGE tho. They is ickle teeny weeny fings wiv stumpy leggs n very BOSSY (like sistur Kylie-the-Slappur) n can't bark propur but go 'YIP YIP'!

They smell like doggs, but lukk like, mmm........
LUNCH!

Hippo Bifday!

Hippo Bifday Uncle Murky! Hippy Bonkday Arnty Ronduh!!

Am saving up lots of BOWNCIN for BOWNCEE weekend cumin up. Am gettin lots of snoozin in so I is evun BOWNCEEUREE than usuals!

Lukk owt, BOWNCIN TIME!!

WUUUUUFF!!

'All Abowt Moggs'

Me n Bonkers helped owt at 'All Abowt Moggs' yesturday! (All About Dogs, Ed)

Cos I wurked soo hard, wot wiv all the hooman puppees strokin me n stuff, Mummy HammyLicker gav me a HICE CREEM, mmmm nom nom nom nom.....

Bonkers went in the swimmin poo n gav everywun lessuns in 'How to Swimms the Bonkers Way'.

Didn't go in tho, wos too cleen! Cud see the bottum n everyfing! YUK!

Hoppy Eatsa Everywun!

Tuday I ams lukkin 4 the Eats-a-Bunny, the Hot Cross Bunny n the Baby Cheeses wot rose agin. Hoomans call it RESERECTION!

Eatsa is WELL HOPPY time, cept 4 bunnys wot wos eatsa'd. Saw lots of bunnys tuday, they wos hot aftur all that chasin (phew!) n a bit cross too I finks (??).
Nevur mind, Baby Cheeses cumin later!

Eatsa-Snack-a-Day!

Tuday is Eatsa-Snack-a-Day!

Eatsa-Snack-a-Day wos wen Baby Cheeses had all gonned n everywun finished the last suppur.

Lukkin forward to tomorrow cos is EatsaBunny Day. Is LOWDS of bunnees now, all gettin reddy for Eatsa. They is hoppin rownd MY feelds like they OWNDED THE PLACE! Grrr.

Just yoo wait bunnees, is EATSA tomorrow!

GUDD FRIES-DAY!

Tuday s GUDD FRIES-DAY!

Gudd FriesDAy is bestest day for CHIPS wot is my favorite fud, (butt not halloweded to hav, Grrrr)

Yeers ago, before Dad wos bornded, Baby Cheeses had the LAST SUPPUR. This is wen they had chips for tea. For EVURMORE that day wos called Gudd FriesDay!

Yesturday wos MudDay TurdsDay. Guess wot I did????

WUFF!

Problum

Dear Cana

Very serious fing!!
Just saw mum hooman on square box in the front room.....she was on the 'Sex Heducation Show!
Wot is Sex Heducation???

I is very confoosed, how did mum get in box???

Love Bonkers x

EATS-A-BUNNY!

Lukkin forwurd to Eatsa weekend!

Eatsa is wen yoos hav lots of nice fings to eet, especialee the EATS-A-BUNNY!

Wud luv to eats-a-bunny, but Dad won't let mee. Grrr!

They is teezing me wiv their white bobb tails n big eers. Dad is VEGYWARIANN n says all aminuls must liv in peas n harmony. Peas n harmony????

Must heducate Dad on the meening of Eatsa qwikkly, or no Eatsa Bunny for me!

HOPPY BURPDAAY Arnty Beff!

(Oi Bonkers!..... av yoo got Beff burpday pressees? His WELL himportunt 2 share EVERYFING wiv Beff tuday.

Wen yoo eets yor dinnur, sikk it ups aftur so she can havs sum too! Then do HOOGE POO in seecrut place - she can hav fun lukkin 4 it! Then hur burpday goes on 4 DAYS! She cans enjoy smell too in nice warm... wevver!

Make sure yoo doo this Bonkers, am relyin on yoo!)

Problum

Dear Cana

I was walking in the park today and was trying to play wiv a little dog!!
He was not big dog like me, he was ickle and not very playful.
The hooman he was walking was on the phone telling his friend that 'bobsky' (stopid name for dog!!!) was getting harassed by a husky!!!!!
...Hmmmm, harassed!!!! Do I harass?? What is harass??
And he called me a HUSKY!!!! I not husky, I am very himportant NI, not bloody husky tut! Stopid man, I not look like husky, I is beautiful NI.
I wasn't going to eat his dog, I just had scrambled eggs for brekfast, and he didn't even look yummy!!!

When u coming to stay wiv me again Cana, I need help wiv all the stopid people in chingford!!

Your friend
Bonkers xxxx

Problum

To my BFF Cana

I need your helps and Innit Wisedom !
Mum and Dad keep telin me to 'chew' when i eats somfink!!
Wot is 'chew'......well confoosed????

your frend
Bonkers {wuff} xx

Barkers!

Happaruntly French hav banned Barkers!!! (Er, Burkhas! Ed)

Wot will French doggees do wivs no barkin? Am well worreed for french frends. Is always howlin, whinin n growlin left but no barkin is BAD FING!

Hof course, French doggs don't bark like wot Hinglish doggs do. Go sort of ..... "Hogh Hee Hogh Hee Haw.... Le Wuff!" (Can speek well gudd Frinch)

BAD Pressiedunt Snarlcozy!!

Lukkin bootiful!

Lukkin bootiful is himpawtunt for Celebritee Doggs (like mee).

Here I am wiv my face pakk. Is gudd for makin yor skin luvlee n soft. I uses it on my pawses furst, then my snowt, then ALL OVUR!!

"Paws wot do dishes can bee as soft as yor face,

Wiv mild green furry squit-liquid"

WUFF!!

Problum

Rebecca Rae-Johnson's Sci-fi-rus has a new bowl in honour of the Innit Biffdays today! Its brand name is Bella from PAH! He says he's not bothered that it might make him go bonkers like its namesake cos he already is and practises every day! :P xx (We did this spesherleeee four yooo Karn-uh!)

MASS BIFFDAY!

Is MASS BIFFDAY tuday!

Bonkers-Bella, Sprite, LowGunn n Morff is all wun tuday. Hippy wunth biffday!!

Hippo Biffday to YOO
Hippo Biffday to YOOO
Hippo Biffday deer Nitwiiiiiiits........
Hippo Biffiday to YOOOOOOO

Ta Daaaaa!

Luv from Cana XXXX

WELL BADD PUSSEECAT!

Wos mindin own businuss n supurvisin Mum's brekkfast in bedd..... wen turned my bakk for incy wincy sekond n Raoul (WELL BADD PUSSEECAT!) snukked upp n STOLE THE TOST!!!

Snot fair cos I am tost lukkerafturer. (Sumtimes is poyenowse and well dangerowse n Mum mite need savin from CERTUN DEAFF by dangerowse tost.)

Tost not poysenowse for doggs so can help by gobblin it upp!

Tost not ment for BADD PUSSEECATS!!!

Hurruph!

Muddyers Day!

Happy Muddyers Day Everywun!

Muddyers Day is speshal day to gett EXTRA muddy. (Could get muddy EVERY day, but Mum finks is snot a gudd fing??!!)

Got Mum REELY muddy tuday. Wos WELL PLEESED!

Fownded NOO DITCH 4 Mum!! Is speshal extra stinky wun wiv poo n dedd fings n EVERYFING.

Mum bit nervus at furst but aftur I dragged hers in wos well excited wiv flappin her paws in showtin n stuff.

WUFF!

Problum

Dear Cana

Mum and dads keep givin me second class biskits !!! They is YUK!!!
Why can't i havs my favrit alls the time???? think i need to feed yuky biskits to kats, they is stoopid and eat anyfink.
I need u to com help me, QUICK!!!!!
Dad has BIIIG fing in garden that goes wound and wound, he is puttin the stuf from init in big holes and then it goes hard!!!!! And u cant dig init!!!!
Our holes are gettin filled up, QUICK, u must com stop him Cana

your speshial friend Bonkers xxxxx

01 April at 13:54 · ·

Towels is dangerowse fings!

BEWARE, towels is dangerowse fings!

This is towel wot Mum wos usin on mee, Grrr. WHY? WHY?

Mum is only poor, stooped hooman so needud protektin froms EVIL TOWEL.
Gave towel gudd duffin! Stomped on its n bownced on its n grrrd at its n gave it a gudd biffin!

Ther that's bettur. Towel is gudd for nuffing nows!

WUFF!

CAT!

Lukk! Here I am disguyzed as CAT!

Cos I am hexpert Ninja-Dogg, can curl upp reely small so nowun can tells the diffrunce.

(He he, HAVE FOOLEDED THEMS!)

Must remebur to sleeps 4 at leest 25 hours a dayy!

WUFF! (Oops Grrr, 'Meow!')

Problum

Dear Cana

I am being Bella the Builder & I am helpin dad concrete the garden! I am supervising & sniffing & digging. Dad is stomping on the rocks & I am hitting the rocks with my paws!

Dad keeps asking me to 'move for Gods sake'? I am confused, who is God & why is it for his sake I move??

Is God a builder? Does he know 'bout diggin & stuff.

Love bonkers Bella x

Zeeb!

Met noo frend Zeeb wot is co-habinitwiting wiv sistur Kylie!!
(Not only SLAPPER but cradle snitcher too!).

Zeeb is short for Baelzeebub, cos is DEMON DOGGY wiv sharp scary teefs! (Not HOOGE teefs like mee hofcourse, but not badd 4 ickle pup)

Zeeb livs at 'SLAPPER HEIGHTS' wiv Kylie. She is teechin him BOWNCIN like wot propur Innits do.

I is teechin him MUDD MANAGEMENT wot is very himportunt jobb.

WUFF!

Hooman fud!

Hooman fud is bettur than dogg fud wot is SNOT FAIR!

Fings wot shud be dogg fud r krips, cheeze, beer, tost, peenutt buttur, mushyroom soop, bakon, choklit, toona n sossages.

Fings wot shud be hooman fud is kibble, kibble, kibble, kibble, kibble, kibble, rice, n kibble.
Fings wot shud STAY dogg fud is chikken, tripe, scrumpled eggs, yogit, piggs eers, bones n cat poo!

R YOO LISENIN HOOMANS?

Lukk! Is mee n my dinosnore!

Wanted to keep it n chew it n burry it again, but Arnty Beff went n told poolice wot confuscateded it. Grr!

Wud hav burreed it in Arnty Beff's gardun too, wot wud hav been well nice 4 hur.
Snot fair, stoopid poolice.

Dugged lots more holes in Arnty Beff's gardun tho, cos dinorsnores r EVERYWHER n gudd doggs (like mee) must be ALURT at all times.

WUFF!

DINOSNORE!

Lukk wot I dugged up!

Is HOOGE TyrranicalSnorusWrecks Dinosnore wot lived AGES ago.

Arnty Beff wos bit worreed n foned poolice (???) wot tooked it away from mee. (Grr, Findurs Eeters!) n sniffeded it n cheweded it n did lots of ovver tests n stuff.

They thort wos hooman! (pmsl!)

Shud hav askeded mee. IS DINOSNORE!

Poolice tolded Arnty Beff wos definutly dinosnore n not hooman. Didn't givs it bakk tho, Grr.

Snot fair. Am wurld's bestest pawleantologist!

Humph!

Cana's mum here.....

Please please please, Share this poster on your walls at your vets,
local rescue kennels and dog wardens ,training schools and pet shops, we
are sure she could well be out of stirling scotland now and anywhere in
the country.This Girl's Family/Owner are beside themselves with
worry, someone must of seen her by now. Thank you for taking time to
help find this girl.

HamBagg? Or pillow?

Is very snice HamBagg.... but snice snoft pillow....

HamBagg!

Arnty Beffs buyded mee a HamBagg 4 my biffday!

I is a propur ladee now.

Hoperation 'Seecrut Mishion' is ovver.

Hoperation 'Seecrut Mishion' is ovver.

Tamborine family is propur bonkurs now! Mum seys Arnty Beff is sure to gett annovver puppy, (he he!).

Since wos there, Beff decidud to concreet gardun.. why? Wot wrong wiv my nice holes?? They is HOOGE!

And gett noo sofa... why? Choowed it on bofe sides so is nice n evuns now!

Unkle Murky still likkin WasteHam tho, wot Dad seys is WELL SADD!

WUFF!

Problum

cana, mum says i'm going to have puppies this year. i'm confused because i already have 2 puppies raven and abberline (abberline has gone for a wander mum says but will be back soon). why do i need more puppies? shhe says she is going to keep one to pester me! also she wont let me eat the noisey parrot when he's out, i think this is unfair! please help cana wooo woooo x

CAKE!

CAKE!

cake, cake, cake cake, cake, cake, cake, cake!!!!!!

Let mee att itt, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE???????

Bifdays is BESTEST FINGS. WUUUUUUF!!!

Bifday!

He he he..... am old enuffs to dwinks winey now!

Hic!

I is 2 tuday!

Tuday is my toothed bifday. I is 2 tuday!

Am not ickle wickle pup anymor, but wise groweded up doggy and CANA-WURLD'S-FURST-AGONEE-INNIT!

Famowse Chineese philosifer doggy 'ConfoosedUs' wos 2 too wot meens I is almowst as wise as hims!
Now, wondur wot Santa has buyded me? DeddFing?

WUFF!

'Find the Hooman'

Tuday, as part of Furapy, mee n Bonkers played 'Find the Hooman'.

Trubble wos, we losted hims!

Bonkers thort she had hiddun hims in sofa, but we lukked ALL OVUR n wos NO-WHER!!???
...
Thens we used r AMAZIN sensus of smell, site n heerin to find poor missin DadHooman.

Wos WELL GUDD cos we fownded half a sosage, sum monee n a cheese sandwhich!

WUFF!

Problum

Deer Karnuh dis is Shookoh, I lives wiv Beckee ooop Nurrrth froms yoo. I have problum with Murfee :( He yoosed to reely like mee now he likes that Uhmeeruh betterer...why??? Mum sez it to doo wiv us laydees gettin hot?? sumtimeses...wot you fink/can yoo advize pleeease?! Mum sed as welll dat girls are tarts and slipperrrs (slappers - Bekki!)...I fink yoo must eat tarts but Mum wont let meee eat Uhmeeruh and I carnt eat myself can I/must I? Despewate here! Luff fwom mee to yooo xxx

Panceek Day

Yesturday wos Panceek Day.

As part of Murco-hooma's furapy, wos necessury to hypnoteese hims.

Wos eeting his panceek thens, but no time like the presunt!

"Luk into my eyes, luk into my eyes, not arownd my eyes......
GIV MEES THE PANCEEK"

Wos tryin to resist, but wos IMPOSSIBUL, cos am JEDI innit.

Force is strong wiv mees! WUF!

Seecrut Mishion

Seecrut Mishion Impawsable 4 Dr Cana - Wurld's 1st Agony Innit

Off 2 Bonkers Bella's howse. Hur hoomans is WELL BONKERS. Need furapy!

DadHooman (Murco) likes WasteHam n dusn't like fwogs!(?)
MumHooman (Deff) cheesey chips haddict!
PupHooman (Dill) n ickle PupHooman (Mee-uh) 4 howse trainin, hobediunce n BOWNCIN!

WELL HARD mishion, but nevur fear, Cana PAT Dogg (Personal ArseInsistance) here!