Tyrrano-Tortoise Rex

Went to see Arnty Lurraine n Unkle Twit (Uncle Nick! - sorry Nick, Cana can be SO embarressing sometimes - Ed) for Arnty Lurraine's buffday.

Gudd fing I wos being A LURT n VIGILUNT AT ALL TIMES tho, cos SHOKKIN FING HAPPUNED - hooge stone wot wos in the gardun SUDDUNLY GROWEDED LEGGS n startud WALKIN AROWND!!!!

(Wos WELL SCARY. Evun mee - wurld's furst supur a lurt n vigilunt NitWit n bravust doggy EVUR wos scareded!)

Then.... realizeded wot had happuned..... Stone wos snot reely stone AT ALL, but TERRIBUBBLE FIURCE N FUROCIOWSE DINOSNORE from HANCIENT TIMEZ wot had cummed to life agin in Arnty Lurraine n Unkle Stikk's (NICK! Ed) gardun!

Yes, it wos a TYRANNO-TORTOISE REX!!!

Wot wos wurse, NO WUN ELSE SEEMED TO REALIZE THE DANGUR! Gud fing I wos arownd. (Cue prowd n himpawtunt wuffs)

Furst I STAREDED HINTENTLY at norty Tyrannotortoise wiv my SUPER NITWIT POWERZ n then HUFFED at it a lot (THAT showeded it!) n then did my SUPUR HOWLY WUFFIN at it until Arnty Lurraine sed I had to cum in cos I wos goin to wake the neybores n anywayz I wos scarin Speedy. (???)
(Speedy? Who iz Speedy? Hurrumph. Don't yoo REALIZE the dangur???? We cud ALL END UP DEDDED!)

Kylie n Zeeb wos WELL USELUSS too. Kylie didn't evun seem to REALIZE we wos ALL IN TERRIBUBBLE DANGUR of losing our lives (n possibubbly our tails as swell) to awfull PREHYSTERIC MONSTUR! Zeeb did bit of huffin, but (cos he is snot the sharpust claw on the paw - bless him) didn't reelly know wot we wos huffin at n givved up.

(Sighs.... ) Gudd fing Cana the SUPUR NITWIT wos ther!
"KEEPS CALM EVERYWUN!"

Anywayz, despite poor Arnty Lurraine (who livs in La La Land!) bein HOBLIVIOWSE to the terribubble Tyrannotortoise owtside I remained A LURT n VIGILUNT n continooed STARIN HINTENTLY at bad dinosnore n huffin at it. Grrrr.

Here I ams keepin an eye on fings....

Arnty Lurraine musted hav realized I saved everywun from INSTUNT DEDDEDNESS tho, cos she givved mee a HOOGE bone to takez away wiv mee. Fank yoo Arnty Lurraine!

Nom, nom, nom...... WUFF

G4S

Shokked n HAPPALLED at TERRIBUBBLE NOOS.....

G4S haz lett down O'LUMPIK hoomans!!!!

How cans 4 Germun Shepperds be SO badd at lukkin aftur hoomans???? Iz EESY!

Shud hav had NitWits instedd. We is bestest at lukkin aftur poor stoopid hoomans wot wud wandur arownd HAIMLESSLY n gett losted n runned ovur by carz n stuff wivowt NitWits to lukk aftur thems.

Iz very responsibubble job HOF CORSE! Yoo must be A LURT n VIGILUNT AT ALL TIMES. (Hexcept wen yoo iz hasleep, wot is only for HAPPROXIMUTTLY 19 hourz a day -sumtimez more if bin wurkin espeshly hard. All the rest of the time, we iz A LURT n VIGILUNT)

Must use yor SUPUR NITWIT POWERZ to identittyfy smallest MOST ICKLE risk. For HEXAMPUPPLE...

- Iz that stikk ovur ther goin to turn into HOOGE SNAKE n kill poor defunceless hooman?
(Bettur run offs wiv it n chomp intoo ickle peeces just in case)

- Cud stinky, muddy ditch be full of FUROCIOUSE, LURKIN CROCCADILLS, waitin to SNAFFLE poor hooman n eetz them?
(Gud NitWit must throwz themself in murky ditch n stomp arownd n make HABSOLUTELY sure is safe) - Thiz last wun haz HOBVIOWSE benefit of covuring NitWit in mud wot is HESSENTIAL for NitWit DISGUYSE. No wun will recognize yoo now!

Iz very small, ickle-wickle insect WAY OVUR ACROSS THE FEELD (wot yoo is able to spot wiv yor SUPER NITWIT POWERZ) reely a DANGEROWSE n FIURCE INTROODER waitin to HAMBUSH poor hooman???
(Bettur go runnin off at TOP SPEED, hignorin callz from poor stoopid HOBLIVIOUS hooman, n chekk owt dangerowse insect. - Wunce yoo hav dunned this, feel fwee to just hang arownd a bit n spend time chewin the flowurz befor VERY SLOWLY makin yor way bakk {via HOOGE DITCH - see eerlier croccadill a lurt!} to hooman wot is probubbly getting ALL HET UP like wot hoomans do cos they iz snot CALM HASSERTIVE like wot doggees is. Well, hexcetp Germun Shepperds that is, wot CLEERLY CAN'T BE TRUSTEDED! Grr)

Don't worry poor O'lumpik hoomans. NitWits is here to protekt yoo!

(Btw, Dad seys thiz makes me 'speshal'!!! Wot dus he meen?)

O'Lympics (again)

Hav bin watchin the O'Lumpics wiv great HINTEREST n CONCENTRASHUN. (Of corse bein a responsibubble NitWit I is A LURT n VIGILUNT at all timez. Except wen I is HASLEEP.)

Hav bin HINSPIREDED by Mikkul Yelps (Er, Phelps! Ed) in the swimmin n splashin contest. Hav decideded to train REELY HARD n be BESTEST swimmur n splashurer EVUR! (Sumfing wot I showeded Mum yesturday wen I tuk HOOGE, FLYIN LEEP in...

...to the rivur n splashed n splashed n splashed n soaked EVERYWUN for MILEZ AROWND!)

I iz bettur evun than Bonkers Bella whoo finks she is most bestestest swimmur, but reelly it is MEE. (I just don't like deep watur very much n gettin my eerz wet.)

Poor Bonkers is snot very gudd at fings anywayz cos she is 'speshal' - if yoos snow wot I min ;o) - n so, cos I iz a CELEBRETITTY NitWit wiv HOOGE RESPONSIBILITITTIES n is lukked up to like a GOD by ovver poor less fortunut NitWits (like Bonkers) I must be GRASHIOUS to poor 'speshal' fings n let thems fink they iz gudd at sumfing. Awww.....

Poor 'speshal' NitWits :o(
Poor Kylie (my sister, - the ugly wun).
Poor Bonkers ('speshal').
Poor, sad Norm (Storm! Ed) - who is star-strukk pup n HOBSESSED wiv mee. (N sadly turnin intoo a bit of a storker hactually.......)

Is snot ther fault they is snot bootiful, taluntitted litturery genie-usses like me.

Nevur mind :o) Off for sum more swimmin trainin. WUFF!