HIPPY NOO EARS!

Am WEELY HEXCITED!!! (Wot is stwange n rare fing for mee as I is usually mostest peasful NitWit picture of CALM N SERENUTTY, like my frend Dial-a-Llama.........OMMMMMMMM - Wuff).

HOOOGE HEXCITEMUNT is cos tumorrow is NOO EARS DAY!!!!!

Mum sed today is lastest day for old ears :o( cos at MIDNITE everywun will havs BRAND NOO EARS FOR HOLE YEAR!!!!

Do like my old ears tho cos they is bestest, mostest bootiful, silkyust n mostest poyntyest-up ears EVUR, but very norty doggees wot shall remain NAMELUSS (like my sistur Kylie n ESPESHALLY that WELL NORTY Keeba, Grrr) keepz HINSISTIN ons CHEWIN THEMS! (Hurrumph)

Noo ears howevvur, will be EVUN BETTUR n ANYWUN wot cumms neer thems is goin to getts WELL GUDD DUFFIN!

(Oops, bakk to calm serenutty........OMMMMMMMMM - Wuff, Plinky Plonky Moosic etc....)

HIPPY NOO EARS EVERYWUN!

WUFF.

"Let It Poo!"

"Well the wevver owtside is fweezin
Snortin snow wot startz me sneezin
Wen there's nuffin much else to dooo
Let it poo, let it poo, let it pooo"

"Findin DeddFings snot so eesy
Wen I does, it makes Mum queezy
N there's nuffin much else to dooo
Roll in poo, roll in poo, roll in poo"

Jingle WUFFS!

12 Dayz of Crispmush.....

Onn the 12th day of Crispmush,
my poo luv sentz to meeee........
12 bummers bummin'
11 pooers poopin'
10 NitWits leapin'
9 doggees bowncin'
8 mutts a-mingin'
7 swans excapin',
6 gooses sqwarkin',
FIVE DEDDED FIIIIIIIINGZ............
4 cooing burdz (sluuuurp!)
3 French henz (le sluuurp!)
2 turtle duvvs,
N a partridge (wivowt the pear tree pleez!)

MURKY CRISPMUSH EVERYWUN! WUFF...

Story of Crispmush!

Wunce upun a time, a loooong looooong time ago there wos a right stir (BRIGHT STAR! Ed.) ovur Bifflehum.

The right stir wos cos EVERYWUN wos WELL HEXCITED abowt forfcumming arrival of the BABY CHEESES! (BABY JE..... oh it doesn't matter! Ed)

All the haminals gavvered tugevver. Donkey wos there, Moo Cow wos there, ickle Lambsy wos there, n hoff course Wolfie wos there to make sure ickle Lambsy wo...s alrite n not wonderin off sumwhere n eeting properly so he wos NICE N FAT..... (Wolfie wos in his sheepz costoom too soz that Lambsy didn't feelz left owt nor nuffin.)

Lukkily ther wos snow room in the Binn for the Baby Cheeses wot everywun wos WELL PLEESED abowt so they all sweezeded into Donkey's howse for a HOOGE party. (Well it WOS Crispmush aftur all!)

WUFF!

Sum fings is just SNOT FAIR!

I is WELL GUDD at collektin stikks. Big stikks, small stikks, bendy stikks, swaight stikks, HOOGE stikks...... But NEVUR allowded to bring thems inn the howse. Grrr....

I tries to sneek thems inn, but Dad ROBBS them offs mee n CONFUSKATES thems!!!! Sumtimes I pretend I can't sees Dad n keepz holdin on to MY stikk n don't lukk at Dad n HIGNORE hims n pretend Dad DU...SN'T HEXIST until Dad getz HEXASPERATEDED n pulls it off mee. Hurrumph.....

Dad seys "Drop the stikk Cana, cum on now, Drop it, Drop it, Cana? Cana, DROP!" (Don't know whys he keepz sayin it, - I HERDED YOO THE FURST TIME!!!!)

WORSTED FING is tho, Dad brunged sumfing noo into howse yesturday.....
Snot an ickly stikk, snot a bendy stikk, snot evun ANY stikk..... but HOOOGE WHOLE TREEE!!!! Wot is goin ons????????

How cums I is snot allowed incey-wincey ickly stikk n Dad can havs HIS OWN TREE????

Is SWELL SNOT FAIR! Grrrr
Hav got mys SOOPER DOOPER wolfy eyez on Dad's stoopid tree tho.....

Big tree + big, sharp Cana teefs = LOTZ N LOTZ OF STIKKS (he he he he...)

WUFF!

Thort for Tuday!

(From Dr Cana's casebook.......)

"Sleepz..... Is 19 Hours Reely Enuff???" :0/

As we all knowz, sleepin is gudd for yoo. I likes to gett AT LEEST 19 hourz, but maybee is SNOT ENUFF?

IS CONSTUNT WORRY n startin to givs mee HINSOMNIA!!!!!
(SHOKKING TRUTH:- only hads 18 n half hourz yesturday cos of all stress n that!!!!)

Wen yoo is CELEBRITY NitWit like mee, is WELL HIMPAWTUNT to keepz yor stwength upp for wen yoo is meetin all yor fans n HADMIRERS.

Ther is lotz of differunt kindz of sleepz for differunt HOCCASIONS....
Snoozin ('day sleepz')
Zonkin (wen yoo has bin bowncin lots n is WELL ZONKED)
Nappin (ickle sleepz)
Sleepzyrobics (wen yoo is sleepin but runnin n wuffin at the sames time!)
SleepzyLURT (sleepin but on lukk owt for signz of walkees sos can LEEP INTO HACTIONS AT MOMUNTZ NOTICE)

Is all very tirin tho........ ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Greetins Teknique!

Hav bin perfektin my Greetins Teknique!

Bin develupin HEXTRA SNENSORY skills so I sno HEXACTLY wen Mum is cumin home. 10 minz befor she cums bakk I is A LURT n starin HINTENTLY at the dorr wiv speshal X-RAY eyez -----------

Then I startz whinin, wot graduallly getz lowder n LOWDER, n LOWDER.....

Thens Mum opens the dorr.... Is himpawtunt to paws (PAUSE! Ed.) for hexactly 2 snekkonds (1 elefunt, 2 elefunt) ....... n then ALL SYSTUMS GOOOOOOO!!!!

Cue BOWNCIN, cue BOINGING IN CURCLES, cue BANGIN INTO FURNITURE, cue GOING TO GETT DAD N TELL HIM MUM IS HOMED! (Boing,Boing, Boing)

Note: thiz must bee dun til Mum has sedded "gud gurl Cana, calm down now, thatz enuff, gud gurl, gurd gurl, STOP!!!!!!"

Then (bestest bit) I go n gett Mum a presunt..... FROM BIN!
Bin is bestestest place for presuntz. All sortz of luvlee fings in bin. Mum is WELL HAPPY!

Finully... time to lie on bakk wiv legz in air so Mum can rubb my tummy cos I is such a GUDD DOGG!

WUFF!

Snot Well!

Fings bin WELL ODD thiz week!

Mum woz in bedd snoozin ALL THE TIME? Dad sed thiz is called 'SNOT WELL'.
SNOT WELL meenz yoo do lotz of snoozin, sikkin ups, pooin n groanin....

N needz celebrity NitWit Dr Cana 2 lukks aftur yoos!! :o)

SWELL HIMPAWTUNT to lukk aftur Mum at ALL TIMES cos wen yoo is SNOT WELL, can't go 4 walkees (wot is very BAD FING!).

Snot all badd tho.....
Wos hespeshlee hexcitin wen Mum wos bein sikky, cos (az all doggys know) SIKK IS BESTEST FING! (Sluurp, he he he....)

(Usually only findz sikk owtside neer speshal hooman place called PUBB. Dad alwayz pulls mee aways tho, GRRRR!)

Mum's sikk wos in bowl too, wot ment must hav bin 4 mee!!
Cum on hoomans. I IS REDDY 4 MY SIKK NOW! (hexcited boings n wuffs!)

Wot?
Dad is takin sikk n puttin it down toilut????
NOOOOO!!!

SNOT FAIR! Terribul waste of gudd sikk. Hurrumph... Grrrrr........