Hammy-Licker Suvvern Innits!

Went home 2 wher wos bornded last nite, 2 Hammy-Licker Suvvern Innits! (Honiahahka Northern Inuits, Ed)

Had BESTEST time. Did LOWDS of duffin in the gardun wiv ovvur doggies. I wos bestest DufferUpperer ther! Sekond wos my sistur Kylie (slappur), then Bella (Bonkers), then LucyAnn (Lucian, Ed) n then EVERYWUN ELSE.

Got ridd of ALLS the grass 4 Mummy HammyLicker. She wos well chuffed wiv that n gave me present.

WUFF!

In Memory of Hugy

Mum seys my frend Hugy has passed aways to Rainbow Bwidge!

Don't no wher it is, but sownds luvlee. She sed is always sunny there, wiv meddows to runs in n lots of mudd to roll in n wabbits to chase n poo to eet n yoo get sosages for EVERY meal.

Will miss Hugy loads cos he is always bowncy, cept wen he's sikk :((

Luv yoo Hugy! Roll in lots of mudd for me n do lots of sunbaving til we sees yoo again.

XXXXXXXXXXX

PAT Doggs

Weedin 'Wippetedia' abowt PAT Doggs

Personul Arse-insTance Doggs lukk aftur dismangled hoomans.

Dad seys cos am speshal dogg (wiv speshal knees!) cud be Personul Hindrance Dogg insted wot is much bettur cos is wot Norvern Nitwits n Suvvern Innits do bestest.

Dutees:

Pullin hoomans on leeds so don't get losted
Diggin holes
Chewin flowurs
Findin DeddFings
Rollin in poo

Is well himportunt jobb. WUFF!

'X' is 4 Xterminate!

X' is 4 Xterminate!

Fings wot need xterminatin r;

Moffs, stikks, garduns, flys, fluffy toys wot sqweek, balls, anyfing wot flies or crawls arownd howse (Grr), expeshlee MOFFS!

Am hexcellunt moff xterminatur. In Summur wos LOWDS of moffs, but now they is all dedded cos Cana-the-Destroyur killeded thems all.

Hav ridded HOLE WURLD of evil moffs!

Maybee get Nosebell Peas Prize?

'Pursonal Trainur Dogg'

Tuday am 'Pursonal Trainur Dogg'. Wot meens I helps Dad wiv his HEXERCISES!

Wen he does his shit-ups (er, 'sit-ups' Ed.) I sits on his tummy.

Wen he tuches his toeses, I sniffs his bottum.

Wen he is stwetchin, I nibble his eers.

Wen he does his mess-ups ('press-ups' Ed) I BOWNCE on hims.

Am GUDD DOGG! WUFF!

DINOSNORES

Wos watchin telly wiv Dad, abowt DINOSNORES.

Dinosnores r HOOGE fings wot lived AGES ago. Before even Dad wos bornded!

They wos FIURCE wiv big teefs (like mee) n stomped on fings a lot wot upset the ovvur creetures. Grr

Then went ex-stunked cos wos scareded of big noises like the BIG BANG n stopped bowncin!

If I wos dinosnore, wud be TyrannySnorus Wrecks cos they wos best at stompin n bowncin!

PURSONAL SPACE

Thort 4 tuday; PURSONAL SPACE (Wot is bad fing!)

STOMP OWT PURSONAL SPACE!

Wen Dad is workin on sumfing, I sits on his lapp. Wen he is weedin sumfing, I poked in my snowt n see wot it is. Wen Mum gettin reddy 4 wurk, I chekks hur cloves n makes thems furry.

Wen ANYWUN bends ovur, I poke my snowt up their bottums n gives thems gudd sniffin.

Himportunt! NEVUR LEEV HOOMANS ALONED. (Hav haccidunts n stuffs)

HIPPO BURPDAY HOEL !

My bruvvur Joel's burpday tuday. He is ATE-EEN! (18! Ed)

HIPPO BURPDAY HOEL !

Is bestest bruvvur in HOLE WURLD n tort me 2 weed n write just like hims, cos he is so braney.

He has HEXAM tuday wot is a BAD FING! Hexams r wen well old hooman asks yoo 2 do trikks n stuff, like SITT, LYE DOWN, PLAY DEDDS, STOPP BOWNCIN, (Grr).

Joel is bestest at Hexams; sumtimes he can lye down n play dedds ALL DAY!

WUFF!

West Side Snorey!

(Ed: artistic licence needed everyone. Cana just listened to West Side Story!)

O, Cana
I just met a doggie called Cana
And suddenly all doggs will nevur be just mogs to meeee
O, Cana
Say it lowd wen I runs off playin
Say it soft wen I'm wakin from spayin
O, Cana
I'll nevur stop bowncin
O, Canaaaaaaa.........

‎'W' is 4 'WEEDIN N WRITIN'

‎'W' is 4 'WEEDIN N WRITIN'

Weedin n writin is wot I do bestest. Joel tort me to weed n write wen wos just an ickle pup. Wen I grow upped I want to be a writur like J K RollinInnitt.

Will call my buk, 'Mens r from Mars n Doggies r from Uranus'!

ALL doggs shud weed n write, then we can help r dads wiv stuff they find difficult..

Like puttin the washin on n programmin the videeeo!

WUFF!

Snoozy

ZZZZZZZZZZ.....

Snuffle, snuffle.....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Yip, yip, RUFF! zzz.... catch those wabbits, flyin wabbits thru the forest, WUFF!

ZZZZZZZZZZZ..... Scratchy, scratchy.... ZZZZZZZZZZZ

(Fartie's coming..... Oooops, that's bettur) Hurrrumph.. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

‎'V' is 4 'Vegtubble'!

‎'V' is 4 'Vegtubble'!

Vegtubbles r gudd 4 yoo n make yor poo smell nice.

TV hooman Gillian MuckEek is my hero cos she likes poo (like mee) n vegtubbles. She puts it in bukkets n sniffs it. Mmm, luvlee!

Vegtubbles I like r chikken, chikken, chikken, chikken, tripe, dedd fings, sossages, cheeze, purk pies n chikken.

Cos I eet vegtubbles, am VEGYWARIAN!

WUFF!

UndieGrownd

Here's me lukkin aftur Dad on the UndieGrownd.

Hescalaturs r DANGEROWSE 4 hoomans cos their paws get stukked.

No doggs lukkin aftur ovver hoomans tho, wot is a BIG WORREE!

Lukkily wos no BUM ALURT. Did my bum detektshun dooties n ALL BUMS n ther wos none hexploding!

Hexploding bums make lots of MESS!

I save my hexplodin bum 4 wen Mum n Dad hav ovver hoomans rownd 4 dinnur!

‎'U' is 4 'UndieGrownd'!

‎'U' is 4 'UndieGrownd'!

UndieGrownd is wher LOTS of hoomans in HOOGE holes wait to pat me n call mee bootifull (wot is CORREKT!).

Gudd hoomans - biskit?

Sum doggs sniff 4 BUMS on UndieGrownd. Bum sniffin is BESTEST FING. I sniffed EVERYWUN'S bum. Wun laddee lukked bit surprizzed (???), but am brave n fearluss Suvvern Innit n wos not DETURRED!

Bum sniffin is himportunt jobb! SUPPORT OUR POOPS!

Arnty DeKnees burpday!

It is Arnty DeKnees's (er, 'Denise'. Ed) Burpday tuday!

HIPPO BURPDAY Arnty DeKnees! She is my frend Sprite's mum. ('Spirit'. Ed - sigh!)

If I wos there, I'd do a HOOGE POO 4 yoo DeKnees n brung yoo a luvlee DeddFing wiv worms n maggotts n stuff, wot smells REEELY GUDD.

Nevur mind, next time!

Sluuuuuuuurrp XXXXX

Cornwull 5

WEEEEEeeeeeeeeee! Seeside is BESTEST FING!!

Cornwull 4

LUKK! Fiurce fings hav been here! Grrrrrrrr

Corwull 3

Definuttly wong rokks..... Lukk, no grippin for clawses!

Cornwull 2

My pawses is gettin wett.....!

'U' si 4 Us's!

'U' is 4 Us's!

Us's r ladee sheeps. Sheeps r well dangerowse creetures wot liv in mowntins.

They hav HOOGE teefs n evil ikcle eyes's n funny paws. They r SO dangerowse they r kept behind fences so they don't ATTACK!!

Sheeps hang arownd in big GANGS n always follow 'TOP SHEEP' wot is called U-BENd.

Sumtimes yoo see thems at nite, hangin arownd bus shelturs n smokin!

Don't like sheeps. GRR!

Cornwull

Happy Noo Eeers Everywun!

I wented to Cornwull wiv Mum n Dad. Here I am at fing wot is called 'Seeside'.

The see wos growlin at mee so I scareded it off, Grrrrr, WUFF!

Then I climbeded the rokks; Oops, bit slippy......

Dad kept droppin stones wot wos well stoopid, cos they went in the see.
Cos I am a gudd dogg, I fownded thems 4 him. Then he dropped thems AGAIN! AND AGAIN!!

Wot ?????????