Is Mum's bifday tuday. Dad seys she is hundruds of yeers old! Beein espeshlee nice to hur cos she is oldded n feebles. Did BIG bowncin on hur tummy at stoopid o'clokk this mornin n gave hur a gudd likkin. She sed "Uuuuurgh". Takin hur for walk in bit n will try n make speshal big poo n find DeddFing presunt. May even ...sikk up! Luvlee. Am bestest dogg. WUFF!

‎'M' is 4 MINGIN'! Mingin' is wen yoo roll in Eau-de-DeddFings wot make yor fur smell nice. Mum likes mingin' too - she uses Poofume (dusn't smell like poo tho. Wos robbed!) Natrul fra-grunts much bettur! To apply.. 1. Find DeddFing 2. Rub nose, eers n everyfing else in DeddFing wiv legs in air 4. Run away from Mum. HIM...PORTANT! Never use befor 'Best Aftur' date. Must be wun week dedded befor use. "Hmmm Beasto"

Am very confoosed. Hav run owt of toeses to cownt bownces on. Don't fink can be more than 10, cos that's how many toeses I hav on wun paw, (if I cownt them wiv both eyes that is). Am gettin dizzy now.... n a bit sikky.......oops!

Mee n Raoul helped Mum n Dad wiv ther anniFURsary brekfast in bedd. Is ther 7f anniFURsary, wot meens they hav had 7 bownces now!!! We helped them wiv ther tee (YUM) n tosts (YUM, YUM).

This is my toy wot Mum bort me. It is well dedded now! WUFF

Arnty Lindsey n Steev ar gettin marreed tuday n Keeba is Furry DogMuthur. Marreed is wot hoomans do befor they ar allowed to bownce on eech ovver. Doggys like bowncin ALL the time, but Mum seys hoomans onlee bownce at Chris-mush n birfdays (wot is usually on Sundays).  I like to help Mum n Dad wiv ther bowncin, but Dad makes me sit in the hall so I can sing to them. WOOOOOOOOO!

                                                            This is mee. I am a LADEE.

'L' is 4 LADEE. I am a ladee. Ladees are quiet an delicut like wot I am. Sum doggys fink they are ladees (like my sistur Kylie), but are SLAPPERS. Slappers steel yor stikks an fink they are well 'ard, but reely they need a gudd duffin up. Ladees keep their fur luvlee an soft wiv lots of mud.  (Not mangy like SUM doggys.) WUFF!

                                 This is mee givin my sistur Kylie a gudd duffin. (She is a SLAPPER.)

This is mee wiv my sistur Kylie. Luk how she is steelin my stikk off mee!!! Gave hur a gudd duffin for that. Grrrr

Am prayin 2 the Poop! Poop is leadur of all Cat-likks. He is visitin Englund, wot is near my howse. I am gudd Cat-Likker too, speshlee their bums, YUM! Cat-likks pray to the Lard, wot is a gudd fing, cos like Lard too (an tripe). Poop is my bestest hooman now, cos he seys 'Praise be to Dog'! WUFF!

UNKLE NIKK NEEDS A HOME! Unkle Nikk wos fownd abonduned in feeld. Can any dogg give this luvlee hooman a fur-evur home? Nikk likes snoozin, fetchin stikks, fetchin stikks, fetchin stikks, smokin, n fetchin stikks. Wiv a firm paw, he is almost howse traind n very gud wiv chuldren. (Needs kastrating) WUFF!

Anovver 'K' is Kylie. Kylie is my sistur. She is a big sho-wuff n sings ALL the time. Songs she's sunged r, 'I shud be so Mukky', '(Oops) Did it Again', 'Plese Stay (an Sit)', 'Can't get yoo owt of my Bedd', 'Spinnin Arownd' n 'Love at furst Bite'. Sumtimes she even wers HOT PANTS. They make hur bum luk big tho!

Anovver 'K' is KamPing! KamPing is wen Mum n Dad make howse in feeld. Well, Dad makes howse n Mum luks at bit of papur n showts. Wen howse is builded, Keeba wees on it. Smells luvlee. Then Keeba wees on everywun else's howse too. Then Kas wees in Arnty Beth's bedd. Then Keeba poos on his own howse, wot is stupid! Then Dad sprays our howse wiv anti-Keeba stuff. Then Keeba wees on it again. I luv KamPing. Is the BEST fing.

'K' is 4 Karma! Karma is wen yoo r a gudd dogg n yoo get biskit. Wen I stomp on yappy doggs by mistuk n ther hoomans showt at Mum, - is BAD karma. But wen yappy dogg's hooman steps in poo, that is GUDD karma. Sumtimes wen I bownce on sumfing (wen wos brokkun anyway - honest) an I don't get biskit, - is VERY BAD karma. Karma wos inventud by Dial-a-Llama. Yoo fone Dial-a-Llama 4 biskits. WUFF!

This is mee wallowin in mudd, wot is my favorit fing. Mudd is gud 4 yor fur an makes it smell nice.  Wen I grow upp I want to bee a booty thera-piss. Booty thera-pisses splash mudd ovur everywun to make their fur luvlee an soft. I cud get a jobb at 'Chomp-knees'! WUF!!

Hippo Bifday to my frends Keeba, Kasssss an Luciann!!!! Beeing 'wun' is very himportunt cos it only happuns WUNCE! I wos wun in March an I'm going to bee wun again tomorrow an the day aftur that as swell. Next week I'm goin to bee THWEE! WUF!

"Mingin' in the rain, I'm mingin' in the rain... Wot a gloreeowse feeeeeelin, I'm BOWNCY again.... la laaaaa la la la, wuf WUUUUF wuf wuf wuf....."

'J' is 4 JOBB! My jobb is POST-DOGG. Post-dogg is very himportunt. We hav a post-mun. He has long blond hur an his name is Tracey. He cums wen I am buzy snoozin, but cos I am  brave n feerluss Suvvern Innit I am a LURT at ALL TIMES. I hav to bash the bedd room dor open an slide down the hallway. Is very himportunt Mum n Dad DON'T get ther furst - is MY jobb. Wen I've sorted the post into wot is tastee-ust, I take it to Mum. I am a GUD dogg. WUFF!

‎'I' is for INUIT!! Inuits cum in 2 sizes, big.... an BIGGER! They r very gud doggs an r always helpful an kind. Northurn Inuits r called T'Northurn Int'Its in T'North an Suvvern Innits r everywun else, like ME! We hav luvlee fur wot cums in 2 colurs, mud an muddier. We r espeshlee gud at diggin, eeting flowurs and BOWNCIN!!! Wen I'm gud, Mum calls me a Northurn Idiut. WUF!!

At the show I won EVURYTHING, but sumtimes they forgot 2 giv me a roastette!! I got roastettes 4 Prettyust Bitch n Luvlee eyes. Mum wanted to put me in 4 Durty Bitch too. DEFINUTLY wud hav won that!!

Back from T'North. Had BEST time. Maffis feeld, lots of frends and...... A POND!! Wiv DUCKS!! Needed 2 be nice an muddee 4 show so did LOTS of bowncin in pond. Ducks LOVED me an kwakked an kwakked! Liked T'Northun Int'Its. Cudn't undurstand wot they sed tho... "Wud yous be havin sum T'lard n T'blakk puddin luv?". Wos t...hat? No undurstand??

BUNDLLLLLLLLLE!!! Off to see T' Northurn Int'Its. Bowncy, bowncy, bowncy..... bif, bif, bif. 'Eh-up wot's t' that?' Stompy, stompy.... Suvvern Innits RULE!!!!

Mum seys we're goin to see T' NORTHURN INT'ITS!! T' Northurn Int'its live in T' North. They don't like Suvvern Innits n fink we r bally-dancin, hand-bag swingin wusses. T' Northurn Int'its like tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, lard, blakk puddin n tripe. In T' North there r WIPPITS n they wear flat cap...s. Lukin forward to meetin T' Northurn Int'its n givin them a gud duffin! WUF!!

‎'H' is 4 HOOMANS! Hoomans make very gud pets, but need lots of luking aftur by responsibul doggs. Yoo must walk them evury day n leed them so they don't get lost or run undur cars. They need plentee of hexercise, like fillin holes, mendin fences, hooverin n clearing up sikk. They speshally like collectin poo. When thei...r faces get durty yoo must lik them lots. WUFF!