*Thort for Tuday*

THE TERRIBUBBLE DANGURS OF CAKE!!!!

Here I ams tryin to save Dad from an HAGONIZIN n PAINFUL DEFF from that well known hooman conditshun 'TOOMUCHCAKEYITIS'.

An HAMAZIN n SHOKKING coincidunce (n wun wot most hoomans is COMPLEETLY UNAWARES OFF) is that, just like chokklit, cake is BAD for hoomans, but GUDD FOR DOGGS!

Wippet-edia cleerly states that sum hoomans is VIOLUNTLY HALLERGIC to cake n can go into HAMOPHILACITIC shokk from the smallestest ickle morsul of TINY WEENY cake!

Evun if theys don't go into SHOKK, cake causes SERIOWSE LONG TERM, 'TOOMUCHCAKEYITIS' HELLTH PROBLUMS like:

Haddictshun n OCD (Obsessive Cake Disordur)
Badd teefs (hardly wurth mentionin as hoomans hav such teeny weeny hembarressingly ickle teefs anwayz)
Growin into HOOGE HOOMANS (hoomans wot eet cake can becum 4 TIMEZ THER NORMUL SIZE!) Thiz can leed to HASSOCIATED DIFFICULTITTIES like:
*snot wantin to gett up from couch
*snot bein able to go for walkeez (shokked n happalled wuffs!)
*snot bein able to go out n buy bonez!!!!

Fortunitwitly, (cos I ams ALURT n VIGILUNT AT ALL TIMEZ) Dad haz mee to lukk aftur him n save him from thiz TERRIBUBBLE FATE.
As yoos can see, the HADICTSHUN wos ALLREDDY TAKIN HOLD tho, cos Dad WEELY didn't want to part wiv his TERRIBUBBLE DANGERWOSE CAKE n needed LOTZ OF PERSUADIN.

WUFF!

NOO POOSIDENT!

*Very Hexcitin Noos*

UNITED STEAKS OF HAMERICA HAS NOO POOSIDENT!
Yes, last week, all Hamerican doggees voted for mosted CALM, HASSERTIVE PAKK LEEDUR; the Poosident.
Poosident 'Bo', wot also happuns to own famowse Hamerican hooman, Barack O'Barmy wos HELECTED.  Has yoos can see, Bo is blakk n wite (like mee!) n will therfor be HEXCELLENT at bringin togevver all kindz of doggees under wun peesful philosifluffy of mutt-ual HUNDERSTANDIN. WUFF!
Long, long ago, Presidunt Roosesmelt givved ALL DOGGYS, (blakk, wite, grey, brown, muddy, fluffy, snot-so-fluffy, stinky, bigg, smallz, poynty eerz, droopy eerz - "yes, yes, we all get the idea. Ed")
He givved them all CIVIL BITES.
Civil Bites (like wot I do) is VERY VERY GUDD FINGS.
(Snot BadFing biting, buts Gudd Fing, HAFFECTIONATE nibbling) Theyz meanz that ALL DOGGS iz allowded to:
* Hav nice homez n beddz to sleeps in.
* Take part in POOLITICAL demon-strations.
* Go on strike. (Also known as 'snoozin')
* Roll arownd in mudd. (V HIMPAWTUNT)
* Same as abov, but in poo.
* Same as abov, but on DeddFings
* Same as abov, but in puddlez
* Same as abov, but in any smelly, stinky, slimy fing wot is HAPPROPRIATE for rollin in.
Fank Guddness for Poosident Roosesmelt n Civil Bites.
Well dunn Bo!  WUFF.

CHOKKLIT

SHOKKIN NOOS FLUSH:
*CHOKKLIT IS SNOT BAD FOR DOGGEES*

Yes! At lasted, the noos wot we havs ALL BIN WAITIN FOR! Scientits at the Unifursitity of Wolfy-humpton hav discuvvered the HAMAZIN TRUTH.

Well brainy Collies, wot havs taken a sebatichuckle away from ther normul jobbs teechin farmerz hows to whistle propurly, hav condukted HEXPERIMUNTZ n prooved that hoomanz hav bin TELLIN HORRIBUBBLE LIES to doggs for YEERZ so's they can KEEPZ ALL THE LUVLY CHOKKLIT FOR THEMSULVES!!!

(Shokked n HAPPALLED wuffs) Yes, is terribubble but troo.

Lie numbur 1: "chokklit is badd for yor teefs"
NO! Chokklit is GUDD for teefs. Makez thems SHARP n POYNTY n gudd for Grrrr-ing at fings.

Lie numbur 2: "chokklit makez yoo FATTS"
NO! Chokklit helpz yoo to LOOSE fatts cos wen yoo is eetin it, yoo is snot eetin ovver fings like dogg fud.

Lie numbur 3. "chokklit is POYSNOWSE for doggs"
NO NO NO NO!!!! Chokklit is gudd for doggs n makez themz EXTRA EXTWEEMLY well behaved n do EVERYFING wot hoomanz ask thems n walk NICELY on nasty leedz n even COME BAKK THE FURST TIMEZ THEY IS CALLED n snot even roll in POO or stomp in MUDD or ROLL AROWND in DEDDFINGS or eetz WABBIT POO n will be hoomanz BESTEST FRENDS for EVERMORE!!!

There yooz are! LISTEN HOOMANS - CHOKKLIT IS GUDD FOR DOGGS (n BADD for hoomans). WUFF!

(All 'hoomans' please disregard the above. Sadly, although making a supreme effort to convince us otherwise, Cana is talking complete boll**ks! Ed)