Towels is dangerowse fings!

BEWARE, towels is dangerowse fings!

This is towel wot Mum wos usin on mee, Grrr. WHY? WHY?

Mum is only poor, stooped hooman so needud protektin froms EVIL TOWEL.
Gave towel gudd duffin! Stomped on its n bownced on its n grrrd at its n gave it a gudd biffin!

Ther that's bettur. Towel is gudd for nuffing nows!

WUFF!

CAT!

Lukk! Here I am disguyzed as CAT!

Cos I am hexpert Ninja-Dogg, can curl upp reely small so nowun can tells the diffrunce.

(He he, HAVE FOOLEDED THEMS!)

Must remebur to sleeps 4 at leest 25 hours a dayy!

WUFF! (Oops Grrr, 'Meow!')

Problum

Dear Cana

I am being Bella the Builder & I am helpin dad concrete the garden! I am supervising & sniffing & digging. Dad is stomping on the rocks & I am hitting the rocks with my paws!

Dad keeps asking me to 'move for Gods sake'? I am confused, who is God & why is it for his sake I move??

Is God a builder? Does he know 'bout diggin & stuff.

Love bonkers Bella x

Zeeb!

Met noo frend Zeeb wot is co-habinitwiting wiv sistur Kylie!!
(Not only SLAPPER but cradle snitcher too!).

Zeeb is short for Baelzeebub, cos is DEMON DOGGY wiv sharp scary teefs! (Not HOOGE teefs like mee hofcourse, but not badd 4 ickle pup)

Zeeb livs at 'SLAPPER HEIGHTS' wiv Kylie. She is teechin him BOWNCIN like wot propur Innits do.

I is teechin him MUDD MANAGEMENT wot is very himportunt jobb.

WUFF!

Hooman fud!

Hooman fud is bettur than dogg fud wot is SNOT FAIR!

Fings wot shud be dogg fud r krips, cheeze, beer, tost, peenutt buttur, mushyroom soop, bakon, choklit, toona n sossages.

Fings wot shud be hooman fud is kibble, kibble, kibble, kibble, kibble, kibble, rice, n kibble.
Fings wot shud STAY dogg fud is chikken, tripe, scrumpled eggs, yogit, piggs eers, bones n cat poo!

R YOO LISENIN HOOMANS?

Lukk! Is mee n my dinosnore!

Wanted to keep it n chew it n burry it again, but Arnty Beff went n told poolice wot confuscateded it. Grr!

Wud hav burreed it in Arnty Beff's gardun too, wot wud hav been well nice 4 hur.
Snot fair, stoopid poolice.

Dugged lots more holes in Arnty Beff's gardun tho, cos dinorsnores r EVERYWHER n gudd doggs (like mee) must be ALURT at all times.

WUFF!

DINOSNORE!

Lukk wot I dugged up!

Is HOOGE TyrranicalSnorusWrecks Dinosnore wot lived AGES ago.

Arnty Beff wos bit worreed n foned poolice (???) wot tooked it away from mee. (Grr, Findurs Eeters!) n sniffeded it n cheweded it n did lots of ovver tests n stuff.

They thort wos hooman! (pmsl!)

Shud hav askeded mee. IS DINOSNORE!

Poolice tolded Arnty Beff wos definutly dinosnore n not hooman. Didn't givs it bakk tho, Grr.

Snot fair. Am wurld's bestest pawleantologist!

Humph!

Cana's mum here.....

Please please please, Share this poster on your walls at your vets,
local rescue kennels and dog wardens ,training schools and pet shops, we
are sure she could well be out of stirling scotland now and anywhere in
the country.This Girl's Family/Owner are beside themselves with
worry, someone must of seen her by now. Thank you for taking time to
help find this girl.

HamBagg? Or pillow?

Is very snice HamBagg.... but snice snoft pillow....

HamBagg!

Arnty Beffs buyded mee a HamBagg 4 my biffday!

I is a propur ladee now.

Hoperation 'Seecrut Mishion' is ovver.

Hoperation 'Seecrut Mishion' is ovver.

Tamborine family is propur bonkurs now! Mum seys Arnty Beff is sure to gett annovver puppy, (he he!).

Since wos there, Beff decidud to concreet gardun.. why? Wot wrong wiv my nice holes?? They is HOOGE!

And gett noo sofa... why? Choowed it on bofe sides so is nice n evuns now!

Unkle Murky still likkin WasteHam tho, wot Dad seys is WELL SADD!

WUFF!

Problum

cana, mum says i'm going to have puppies this year. i'm confused because i already have 2 puppies raven and abberline (abberline has gone for a wander mum says but will be back soon). why do i need more puppies? shhe says she is going to keep one to pester me! also she wont let me eat the noisey parrot when he's out, i think this is unfair! please help cana wooo woooo x

CAKE!

CAKE!

cake, cake, cake cake, cake, cake, cake, cake!!!!!!

Let mee att itt, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE???????

Bifdays is BESTEST FINGS. WUUUUUUF!!!

Bifday!

He he he..... am old enuffs to dwinks winey now!

Hic!

I is 2 tuday!

Tuday is my toothed bifday. I is 2 tuday!

Am not ickle wickle pup anymor, but wise groweded up doggy and CANA-WURLD'S-FURST-AGONEE-INNIT!

Famowse Chineese philosifer doggy 'ConfoosedUs' wos 2 too wot meens I is almowst as wise as hims!
Now, wondur wot Santa has buyded me? DeddFing?

WUFF!

'Find the Hooman'

Tuday, as part of Furapy, mee n Bonkers played 'Find the Hooman'.

Trubble wos, we losted hims!

Bonkers thort she had hiddun hims in sofa, but we lukked ALL OVUR n wos NO-WHER!!???
...
Thens we used r AMAZIN sensus of smell, site n heerin to find poor missin DadHooman.

Wos WELL GUDD cos we fownded half a sosage, sum monee n a cheese sandwhich!

WUFF!

Problum

Deer Karnuh dis is Shookoh, I lives wiv Beckee ooop Nurrrth froms yoo. I have problum with Murfee :( He yoosed to reely like mee now he likes that Uhmeeruh betterer...why??? Mum sez it to doo wiv us laydees gettin hot?? sumtimeses...wot you fink/can yoo advize pleeease?! Mum sed as welll dat girls are tarts and slipperrrs (slappers - Bekki!)...I fink yoo must eat tarts but Mum wont let meee eat Uhmeeruh and I carnt eat myself can I/must I? Despewate here! Luff fwom mee to yooo xxx

Panceek Day

Yesturday wos Panceek Day.

As part of Murco-hooma's furapy, wos necessury to hypnoteese hims.

Wos eeting his panceek thens, but no time like the presunt!

"Luk into my eyes, luk into my eyes, not arownd my eyes......
GIV MEES THE PANCEEK"

Wos tryin to resist, but wos IMPOSSIBUL, cos am JEDI innit.

Force is strong wiv mees! WUF!

Seecrut Mishion

Seecrut Mishion Impawsable 4 Dr Cana - Wurld's 1st Agony Innit

Off 2 Bonkers Bella's howse. Hur hoomans is WELL BONKERS. Need furapy!

DadHooman (Murco) likes WasteHam n dusn't like fwogs!(?)
MumHooman (Deff) cheesey chips haddict!
PupHooman (Dill) n ickle PupHooman (Mee-uh) 4 howse trainin, hobediunce n BOWNCIN!

WELL HARD mishion, but nevur fear, Cana PAT Dogg (Personal ArseInsistance) here!

Walkees

Doggs guide 2 hoomans

Walkees:

Stwange, but twoo.. hoomans don't like walkees!
...
Hoomans gett WELL SCAREDED! They walk REEELY SLOWLY n pull bakk on leed cos they is nervus n grumpy. Is VERY FRUSTRATIN! (Hurrumph!)

Solushun: PULL VERY HARD AT ALL TIMES so they getts a move ons!

Sumtimes hoomans gets clevur (4 hoomans that is!) n use EVIL LEEDUR, Grr.

Solushun: EETS evil leedur!

Simples!

Choosin yor hooman

Doggs guide 2 hoomans

Choosin yor hooman

Hoomans cum in lots of diffrunt colurs like blakk, wite, brown n yello! Make sure yor hooman has colur wot goes wiv yors. My hoomans is grey wiv big nosees!
...
Cans hav long fur, short fur n NO FUR!! (Well odd)

No fur hoomans is ushually mens n can gets chubby!

Long fur hoomans is NOOSUNSE n shed EVERYWHER. Must covur it all upps wiv yor fur wot is BIG HASSUL!

Problum

Deer Cana, is Kuma here. I hav stoopid hoomans wot dont eats chikkuns or lams or ovver tastee fings. The onlee times I gets to eat chikkuns is on walkees wiv ovver Innits wen ovver hoomans puts paws in pokits and gives chikkuns to fastest and bestest lookin Innit – wot is me of corse.
How can I gets my hoomans to eats chikkuns and lams insted of pees and pees and more pees? wuff

Problum

Hi Cana....Kizzy whizzy here......have a bit of a problem.....ive growd out of my bed :-( mummy keeps calling me eflump.....whats a eflump and why am i not a Innit :-( and that dam ginger whinger keeps jumping on my back and mummy gets cross....am well confused .............lickz from fellow mud magnet wufffff

Anovver 'Z' is Zoomin!

Anovver 'Z' is Zoomin!

Zoomin is wen yoo runns VERY fast in curcles. I do this wen I gets WELL EXCITED. Rownd n rownd n rownd n rownd n rownd n rownd.....

Bestest places 4 zoomin is gardun, feeld n woodz,. Sumtimes I zooms indorrs too n then Dad zooms aftur mee! WEYHEEEEE!
...
(Dad snot very gudd zoomer tho - too much paw flappin!)

Is bit like BOWNCIN, but wivowt the bowncee bits.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZWUFF!