S-difficult wiv pawsees.... Grrrrr

 

 

Can we opun r presunts now? Pleeeeeese?

 

 

 

Wot is it? Wot is it? Is a DeddFing?????

 

 

 

Yey, Satna givded me a DeddFing!

Crispmush Card

Mingin' Bells

Mingin Bells, Mingin Bells,
Mingin all the waaaay
Fownd a DeddFing in the park
N then I runned awaaay....

WUFF!

Mingin Bells, Mingin Bells
Mingin all the waaay
Chewwed it upp n burried it
Reddy for CripsMush Day!!

Pork Pie

Mum n Dad had partee larst nite n invited ALL the nayburs.

Cos am GUDD DOGG I bownced on EVERYWUN n made sure nowun got ovur hexcited. Sum food lukked SUSPISHOWSE so himportunt to taste it n make sure wos safe 4 hooman combustion.

Here I am testin a PORK PIE. Cos am Cana-the-Ninja, I snukked up wen nowun was lukkin n hid it in my mowf. ...(Grr)

Hmm, seems safe. No poynt puttin it bakk now tho.

Waste not want not seys the Gudd Lard!

STORY OF CRISPMUSH (part too) By Cana, Trust in Dog

Donkey went n told EVERYWUN that Baby Cheeses wos at his howse. Aftur the 3 Pies Men came 3 Sheep-Nerds (SHEEPS?? GRR).

Sheep-Nerds cownt sheeps ALL THE TIME wot makes thems well sleepy. Brung all ther sheeps wiv them too!

Donkey wos well fed up wot wiv Crispmush cuming n that! He fort wud get ridd of the Baby Cheeses, but wos no room in the Binn!

Dum dum dum de dum (By Cana, Trust in Dog).

‎"I don't want a lot 4 Crispmush
Ther's just wun fing I need
Don't care much abowt the wabbits
or the moffs or ickle bees
I just want yoo 4 my own
More than yoo will evur no
Oh Foxy, make my wish cum troo
I just wanna roll in yor poo"

La la la la la la la la la la laaaaaa (By Cana, Trust in Dog)

"Well the wevver owtside is fweezin
Snortin snow wot starts me sneezin
Wen there's nuffin much else to dooo
Hav a poo, hav a poo, hav a pooo"

"Findin DeddFings snot so eesy
Wen I do, it makes Mum queezy
N there's nuffin much else to dooo
Roll in poo, roll in poo, roll in poo"

Crispmush List (By Cana, Trust in Dog)

Deer Satna, Pleese can I hav 4 Crispmush..

1 DeddFing
2 DeddFing
3 DeddFing
6 Well DeddedFing, wiv maggots n wurms n stuff
10 Hooge stikk
9 Cat ejectur seet
8 Evil leedur hexterminatur
7 Cheese makin kit

Fank-oo. Hav bin well gudd gurl (not like sistur Kylie, who needs gudd duffin)!

WUFF!

THE STORY OF CRISPMUSH (part wun) By Cana, Trust in Dog

Wunce upon a time ther wer 3 Pies Men. They liked goin for walkies (like mee!). They went on a reeely long walkie to find the Baby Cheeses.

Sumwun had lefted the Baby Cheeses in Donkey's howse, wot wos lookin aftur thems.

Baby Cheeses wer well speshal n the 3 Pies Men swapped their Mould, FrankinMince n Furr for it. They wos well pleesed wiv that!

WUFF!

‎'T' is 4 TEEFS (by Cana, Trust in Dog).

Teefs r wot growd in yor mowf. Wen I wos ickle puppy, all my teefs felled owt! Mum kepted them in bag (like my poos!).

She left thems for Teefs Furry who gave me sum Dentastix. Yum!
(Didn't Dent thems tho, SCOFFEDED thems!)

Now hav HOOOGE teefs cos am brave n feerluss Suvvern Innit. Grrrrr

Am Hexcelent GARD DOGG n likk everywun SAVAGELY wen they cums in the howse.

WUFF, GRRR!

Cana-Wonderland (by Cana, Trust in Dog)

"Well the snooooooow is a-fallin...
And the mooooooggieeeees are borin...
Runnin aloooooong, singin this soooooong...
Bowncin in a Cana-Wonderlaaaaand!"

BEERWARE DANGEROWSE STIKK DISEESE! (By Cana, Trust in Dog)

Went to sleeps n wen woked up had growed STIKKS! Mum sed not stikks, but HANTLURS??!

(Ushually like stikks, but these is stoopid wuns wiv bells on)

Tryeded to shake thems off, but stoopid bells kept DEFFENING me. Grrrrrr!

Stwange fing wos MUM N DAD HAD GROWEDED THEMS TOO! STIKK DISEESE IS CONTAGOWSE!

Stoopid hoomans fink is funny, but I am GUDD DOGG, n growin stikks is BAD FING!

Reed all Abowt it Here; WILLILEAKS SCANDUL (by Cana, Trust in Dog).

Daily Maul: 'MORE ON WILLILEAKS SCANDUL'

Am worreed now abowt FANNYLEAKS! Wot if fannyleaks get banneded too?

(Sumtimes my fanny leaks a bit n I hav to likk it, but is ok cos tastes qwite nice reely.)

PROTECT WILLIS N FANNYS N ALL WOT LEAKS FROM THEMS.

WUFF!

WILLILEAKS SCANDUL!

SHOKKED to discovur that boy doggys wiv WILLI-LEAKS r in trubble. Is troo that boy doggs r durtee skanky fings, but not their fault if willis r leakin!

Happarently, stoopid hamerican doggs r 'up in paws' abowt it n want WILLILEAKS banneded, n doggs wiv willileaks HEXTERMINATED!

They is WELL MADD!

PROTEKT DOGGS WIV WILLILEAKS! WUFF

Missin CrispMush Baubles (by Cana, Trust in Dog).

LucyAnn (er, Lucian. Ed) wos playin sNo-Balls n had HACCIDENT!

He wored his CripMush baubles ALL YEAR, cos he is gudd Suvvern Innit n always PREPURRED! Suddunly they hav goneded!!

Larst place he sawed thems wos at VETS. Stwange??

Wot will he do wivowt his baubles? How will he play sNo-Balls??

Is MISTURY. Detektiv Cana must find thems.

Finks...

'Daily Maul'; "Cana Resqueues CrisMush Baubles" ..... WUFF!

Studin HisTree (by Cana, Trust in Dog)

Joel is studying His-Tree at skool. I like studyin My-Tree too!

I hav 2 trees, BigTree n SmallTree. They liv in the gardun. My favorit is the Sikkupmore tree.

Wos lukin up HisTree on Wippetedia n it sed ther are too speshlee himportunt HisTrees:

BC (Befor Cana) and AD (Aftur Dinnur)!!

BC must be Pre-Hysteric??

WUFF!

‎'T' is for Toast-day. (By Cana, Trust in Dog)

‎'T' is for Toast-day.

Toast-day cums aftur Mums-day. Then ther is Wees-day n Turds-day.

My favorit day is Fries-day (yum, yum), ........ or maybee Toast-day???

WeesEnd days are Sit-day n Scum-day!!!

Speshal days are Biff-Days, (Hippo Biff-day!) n CrispMush days.

(Not lukkin forwurd to Noo Eers Day tho!) Grrrr

'S' is for SNOWW! (by Cana, Trust in Dog)

'S' is for SNOWW!

This is mee wiv my frends Avalarf n Sprite. (Erm, Avalon and Spirit, Ed) We playeded in the snoww. Here I am gettin them to BOWNCE  wiv me.

WUFF WUFF!

Snoww is wot happuns wen yoo go snoozin in cold wevver. Wen yoo wake up again everyfing is FLUFFY! LIKE ME!

Mum seys snoww happuns in summur too wen I is melting n my furr cums owt. Then it is  ALL OVER the howse, wot is much bettur.

Bowncin Dutee (by Cana, trust in dog).

Cats - WHER ARE THEY???

Am tryin to be gudd Suvvern Innit n been on bowncin dutee ALL DAY, but cats hav GONED!

Raoul n Poppy will be well fedded up if they miss tuday's bownce. Bowncin is BestFing. No bowncin meens yoo get sikk n dedd! Grrrrrr

Like DeddFings!

'ROUAL?... POPPY?........ BOWNCIN TIIIIIME'????????

WUFF

Cat Flattenur Dutee (by Cana, Trust in Dog).

Tuday I am on CatFlattenur dutee.

Wen they magik themselves thro the squar window, I am reddy!!!

They suspect NUFFIN n are takenen COMPLEETLY  by surprize wen they get a gudd BOWNCIN.  (Then I run very fast befor they biff me).

I am DEDDLY SUVVERN INNIT ASSASSIN.

Cana the NINJA! WUFF!

Cat Flaps (by Cana, Trust in Dog).

Came bakk from walkees n somwun had put hole in dor! Mum sed is 'Cat Flap'. Poppy wos owtside n then, like magik, wos inside!!! Is BESTEST fing.

Now I wait by the Cat Flap for Raoul n Poppy to cum in...... n BOWNCE on thems. Is BESTEST game! Cat Flap = Cat Flat!!

Poppy liked bein bownceded on bit too much tho n biffed me ON THE DOSE! Snot fair, grrrr.

Maybe just bownce on Raoul insted now?  WUFF!

Larst week wos FanksGimme.

FanksGimme is wot Amerryican doggs do wen they fank ther hoomans for all the biskits scoffeded in pasted year.

We don't hav FanksGimme in Englund, but here I am bein an Amerrycan Booty, cos Mum seys I am most bootifullust dogg in HOLE WURLD!

WUFF!

'Fiurce Wabbits' by Cana-Trust in Dog

Went rownd Bonkers Bella's howse yesturday wiv my frend LucyAnn. We hexplored the gardun n fownd a fiurce beest called 'wabbit'. LucyAnn went n warneded it not to mess wiv us cos we are brave and fearluss Suvvern Innits, but I had mostest dangerowse job cos I protectud him from behind.

I wos 'LUK-OWT DOGG'. Cud hav been ovver fiurce creetures waitin to POWNCE!

(LucyAnn wos a wuss cos he wos well scarded wen wabbit jumped!) Not like mee. Grrr

'BBC Childrun-on-Leeds'

Watched BBC Childrun-on-Leeds last nite, wiv Podgy Beer.

Is very sadd cos hoomans wot don't have doggs hav childruns insted, as dogg substitoots.

Sumtimes they dont luk aftur the childruns propurly n let them run arownd wivowt leeds on, wot is very dangerowse!

BBC wants doggs to send in ther hoomans' leeds, for the poor ickle depraved childruns. Poor childruns! (Fink will send in my Evil Leedur for them.)

WUFF!

Prince WillyYum is Gettin Marreed! (By Cana, Trust in Dog)

'R' is for ROYALL.

Wos watchin Channel Paw Poos n sed Prince WillyYum is gettin marreed. Marreed is wot hoomans do so they can bownce on eech ovver.

Royall doggs are called Corgees n they lukk aftur hoomans wot fink they are Royall too!! Hoomans are well stoopid sumtimes.

Wot abowt Muck-in-Ham Palace n SandinHam? Hoomans cud never hav dugged them, only doggys. Maybee not corgees tho. They hav stumpee legs n ickle paws.

WUFF!

Steelin Fings is Norty

This is mee wiv my frend Ok-Yahto. He is tryin to steel my rope off mee, Grrr.

He thort he wos goin to hav it, but I showded him I am pakk leedur n no-wun steels fings off me!!!

Steelin is very norty n gets yoo a gud tellin off. Is BAD karma to steel cos yoo get no biskit. Biskit only happuns wen yoo do gudd fings, (GUDD karma) like mee!  I NEVER steel fings, just borrow thems, wot is ok cos wen I giv thems bakk, are dedded anyway.

WUFF!

Royal Susioty for the Protekshun of Croolty to Hoomans

Mum n Dad n Arnty Clur n mee went to Lundun.

We went on the Hescalatur. Hescalaturs r very dangerowse for hoomans n they can get their paws stukk. Cos I am  brave n feerluss Suvvern Innit (n alway a GUDD DOGG) I helped Dad.

Ther wer lots of poor abanduned hoomans wivowt doggs to lukk aftur them tho, wot wos a Bad Fing!

Am worreed abowt poor abanduned hoomans now!!!! Will write to Qween Corgi n tell hur to start RSPCH for poor hoomans.

WUFF!

Mudd Explorashun

This is mee wiv my noo frends Yogi n Scooby. They r town doggies n not used to wallowin in mudd, (wot is my favorit fing!). Poor Yogi n Scooby - NO MUDD?!

Cos I am pack leedur n speshlee gudd at mudd hexploring, I showeded them wot to do. Here I am demon-stratin 'digg n splash' technik. Aftur that I showded them 'stomp', 'snorkle', 'roll ovur', 'wiggle' n my favorit - 'belly-smakk'.

Wos BESTEST FING!

Wher's my cake??

Dad n mee went n had cuffee in the furest. Wher's my cake???

Striktly Cum Bowncing!

Stiktly Cum Bowncin is BESTEST show.

Is like dogg show, but wiv hoomans wot do bowncin wiv moosik. I am bestest dogg at bowncin n win everyfing, but bestest hoomans r Ann Widd-e-Bone n Anton Du Bark. They bownce like mee !

Is himportunt to a do lots of bowncin to get reely gudd. Is very seriowse fing....

Dorbell - BOWNCE, vizitur - BOWNCE, NooFing - BOWNCE, DeddFing - BOWNCE, walkie - BOWNCE, BOWNCE, Yahto cums home - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWNCE, BOING, BOING, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWNCE, BOING, BOWNCE.

Mum seys, am bestest bowncer in HOLE WURLD!  WUFF!

Fireworkees

Tuk Mum n Dad to see firewurkees. Wos a bit scareded at furst, so kept them undur strikt control. (Did not likk them so as not to reinfors prolum behavyer)

Aftur a wile they settled down like gudd hoomans.

Well done Mum n Dad!

Biskit?

OopsyDown Day

Yesturday wos OopsyDown Day.

Had sikky stuff comin owt of bottum, n pooey stuff comin owt of mowf??!!
Lots of gurglee sownds in tummee too wot wos a BadFing. Grrrr

Mum sed wos cos I sluurped stinky stuff from pond (see Turds-day), but stinky stuff GUDD!
Too cleen=BadFeeng!

Bettur now tho. Mum gave me scrumpled eggs n yogit wot is my favorit.

Ate sum leefs tuday too wot I sikked up like propur doggie in car. Dad sed everyfing bakk to normul now! WUFF......

Waitin for Yahto

Yahto cums home at 7.30. Am PREPURRED!

Wun: Listun for Arnty Jess's car (wot is very eesy cos is brite yellow!) (EERS UP)

Too: Cownt 2 minwits for key in dor ALURT. (wun, too, thwee .... TIME'S UP!)

Thwee: Key in dor. Bottum waggles..... (ATTEN.... SHUN!!!)

For: Lots of wining, waggin of tail n runnin in curcles. (HURRY UUUUUP!)

Five: HE'S INSIDE!  Boing, Boing, Boing, Boing.........

Sikks: ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

SLUUUUURP, BOING, BOWNCEE, WUFF, RIGHT HOOK, LEFT HOOK, HED BUTT, BOING, BOING!!

Luuuuuuurrve him.....................

Lernin to Swimm (Part Wun)

Fownd owt tuday, am Bestest swimmur in HOLE WURLD!!

Wun: Find espeshlee stinky, muddy pond. (Maybee wiv DeddFing in it.)
Too: Tern eers to 'deff'. (Himportunt wen Mum is showtin)
Thwee: Eers in 'go fast' posishun n RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN.
For: JUMP!
Five: SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH! Bowncee, bowncee..... stomp, stomp.... SLUURP!

Remembur, slurpin stinky watur makes yoo sikk. Wait til harf way home n sikk up in car.
Mmmmmm, luvlee!

Doggs get Vote!

Tuday's Poos!

Wos watchin the Poos tuday on Channel Paw. Sed that hoomans wot liv in kennels can vote. Must meen doggs wot liv in howses can vote too!

Cud becum an MPee!!
Wud hav doggs in shops, n DeddFings in the howse, n mor stikks, n NO BARFS! n BestestFing.... BAN EVIL LEEDURS!

MUD 4 ALL!

Like Barrak O'Barmy... 'Yes We Cana'

HOWLnWEE!

HOWLnWEE is wen Wher?Wolfys r owt. Wher?Wolfys get losted n use ShatNav to find BoogieMan who is havin a party.

I wos fiurce Wolfy tuday. I killeded a WABBIT. Wabbit wos alreddy dedd but I killeded it anyway n wos undeturred by wabbit's sharp teefs n dangerowse eers!

Mum wanted wabbit too but wos MY WABBIT wot I killeded myself!

Then Mum put fingur in my mowf got wabbit off mee. SNOT FAIR!

Grrr

The ArseSmell wos nice....... but can I hav the Ham now plese??

Dad is goin to see his bestest PawBall teem tomorrow; ArseSmell. They r playin WasteHam.

Must be loyal Suvvern Innit n howl for ArseSmell, but keep finkin abowt WasteHam! Arses or Ham??? Wot to pick? Very confoosin. Luv Ham...., but Arses r Best Fing. Maybe Ham furst then Arses?

On ovver paw, maybe go for LiverPoo like sistur Kylie (who is norty Norvun Slapper n is well overdoo 4 gudd biffin).

CONFOOSED!

‎'Q' is 4 Qween! Qween is well posh doggie wot livs in Lundon. She is short n stumpy n wears reely bad frocks n hooge glasses. She has pointed eers n fat ickle legs n yapps a lot.

'Q' is 4 Qorgi 2, wot is wot Qween is! Qorgis r bad tempurred n bite 4 NO REESON! They r spoilt (like my sistur Kylie) n play wiv DeddFings ALL THE TIME n bring ther stikks IN THE HOWSE!
Hooge howse called MuckinHam Palace

Snot-fair Grrr

We went to the SEESIDE! Seeside is wot happuns wen yoo go to sleep in car n wake up again. Is BESTEST Fing n has WATUR n DURT - lots of it! There's lowds of room 4 bowncin n diggin n rollin n spashin n chasin ovver doggs.

Ther wos sum hoomans wot had a picnic, wot is BEST Fing EVUR. Picnics r gudd for stompin on wot makes hoomans very hexcited n wave ther paws abowt.

We went home aftur that.

Luvlee! zzzzz

My frend Ok-Yah-to is visitin us! He is well posh n is a Lard n livs in a hooge howse called Quendon Hall. Dad sed is a Bone Ranger! He smelled all cleen at furst but then came .... HURRICANE CANA! Bownceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....................

He is well Cana-ed now. WUFF!

Annover 'P' is 4 POO!

Poo cums owt of yor bottum wen yoo go walkies. Doggs r very gudd Pooers. Hoomans like 2 keep them n put them in speshal poo safes wot can only be opened by Poo Police.

Is VERY himportant to poo in EXACTLY bestest place. I sumtimes serch 4 AGES 4 best poo place n go rownd n rownd in curcles while dad seys 'Gudd Gurl Cana'.

Sumtimes he sings the Nike song 2 me - 'JUST DO IT'.

WUFF!

'P' is 4 PAW-BALL! Paw-Ball is like FutBall but 4 doggs. I play PawBall wiv Dad wot is Bestest Fing. Dad's teem is ArseNil, but I like WestHAM, NottinHAM Furriest, Totts-in-HAM - n my favorits; Full'oHam n BlackbumRovers!!

Mum seys I am a BoltingWanderer, but Dad seys I cud play 4 WOLVES!

Dad goes to see ArseSmell. Wish I cud go too. ArseSmells are BEST FING!  WUFF!

My frend Shanti has turned into a ladee. Ladees hav wimen's problums called monflees wot r a BAD FING! Wen yoo r havin yor monflee, yoo need to eet lots of biskits (choclut wuns) n cuddul up on sofur wiv Mum. Sum STOOPID hoomans fink yoo shud ride arownd on rolly-skates n wear hot pants!

They need a gudd duffin!!

Shanti needs 'DoggyForm' for hur monflees.
"Whooa DoggyFoOorm, DoggyForm for yooooooooo"! WUFF!

My frend Ben is ill! Ill is not eetin enuff worms. Don't fink he sniffs bottums either wot is a BAD FING! If yoo don't eet worms, sniff bottums, roll in fux poo n likk sikk, yoo get ill.

Famowse chi-sneese philosifur dogg "Confused-us" sed:

"Don't sniff bums n get the runs!"
"Likk yor bits, don't get the squitts!"
"Eeetin poo is gudd for yoo!" WUFF!

Dad wos owt but now is bakk!! Owt is wen yoo dis-hapear n get losted. Dad wos losted ALL weekend n I lukk!ed n lukked for him. Behind sofa? No. In bin? No. In bedd? No. Under bedd? No!! Bureed in gardun wiv DeddFing? NO!!!! ??????

Wos very worreed! Dad is old n seeline n needs lukking aftur ALL the time. He needed lots ...of bowncin wen he came bakk. Por old Dad, he is geri-hatrick! WUFF!

‎'N' is for 'NooFing'. NooFings r wot Mum n Dad bring home n wot smell noo. NooFing is DeddFing wot is not dedd yet. Sumtimes NooFing turns into DeddFing quite qwikkly. Is himportunt to chekk NooFings propurly 1. Sniff NooFing 2. Likk NooFing 3. Choo NooFing to see if Chuwee 4. BOWNCE on NooFing to see if bowncy 5. STOMP on NooFing if not brokkun yet. Bury NooFing wot is now DeddFing. WUFF!

Dad is owt so am readin Wippet-edia. Hurparently, Cleo-pats-hur, the famus Egyptian princess (like wot I am) liked barfs too! She barfed in Arse's milk to make hur fur smell nice. I like barfing in Arse's milk so I am princess too!!! WUFF!!!

How to Hav a Barf!

Stepp Wun: Find barf. Stepp Too: Get in barf. Stepp Thwee: SHAKE! Stepp Foor: Repeet. Stepp Five: AGAIN!

Cos I am a ladee, I hav barfs ALL the time. Durty boy doggs don't hav barfs (yoo can see here) wot meens ther fur is all skanky...... not like wot ladees hav. WUFF!

Is my frend Meeeeeeea's bifday tuday. Hippo Bifday Meeeeeeeea!! She is 9, wot is a bit oldur than mee cos I am .....(finks).......WUN!! Cos she is hooman, she is still an ickle puppee n needs lukin aftur by Bella (Who is WELL stoopid Suvvern Idiot n sits on wasp howses!). Meeeeea is a gud gurl (LIKE MEE!) n has nice chewee eers. SLUUUUUUUUUUURP! xxxxxxxxxxx

Cana models the stylish new 'Jess' collar by 'JB Leatherworks'. One of this season's haute couture collection. (Because she's worth it.)

Mum's bin doin hur 'Ugh!-Cownts' tuday. Ugh!-Cownts is wen yoo sit at kitchun table, chukk lots of papur on it n growl a lot. Mum pulls hur furr n drinks lots of tee n eets biskits. Cos I am gudd wiv numburs, I helped. I cownted my paws. (Kept losin cownt - got to 2 tho!)  Then got bit dizzy, then I chewed sum papur so table nice n tidee, then I had a snooz. Is HARD work Ugh!Cownts! WUFF!

 Is Mum's bifday tuday. Dad seys she is hundruds of yeers old! Beein espeshlee nice to hur cos she is oldded n feebles. Did BIG bowncin on hur tummy at stoopid o'clokk this mornin n gave hur a gudd likkin. She sed "Uuuuurgh". Takin hur for walk in bit n will try n make speshal big poo n find DeddFing presunt. May even ...sikk up! Luvlee. Am bestest dogg. WUFF!

‎'M' is 4 MINGIN'! Mingin' is wen yoo roll in Eau-de-DeddFings wot make yor fur smell nice. Mum likes mingin' too - she uses Poofume (dusn't smell like poo tho. Wos robbed!) Natrul fra-grunts much bettur! To apply.. 1. Find DeddFing 2. Rub nose, eers n everyfing else in DeddFing wiv legs in air 4. Run away from Mum. HIM...PORTANT! Never use befor 'Best Aftur' date. Must be wun week dedded befor use. "Hmmm Beasto"

Am very confoosed. Hav run owt of toeses to cownt bownces on. Don't fink can be more than 10, cos that's how many toeses I hav on wun paw, (if I cownt them wiv both eyes that is). Am gettin dizzy now.... n a bit sikky.......oops!

Mee n Raoul helped Mum n Dad wiv ther anniFURsary brekfast in bedd. Is ther 7f anniFURsary, wot meens they hav had 7 bownces now!!! We helped them wiv ther tee (YUM) n tosts (YUM, YUM).

This is my toy wot Mum bort me. It is well dedded now! WUFF

Arnty Lindsey n Steev ar gettin marreed tuday n Keeba is Furry DogMuthur. Marreed is wot hoomans do befor they ar allowed to bownce on eech ovver. Doggys like bowncin ALL the time, but Mum seys hoomans onlee bownce at Chris-mush n birfdays (wot is usually on Sundays).  I like to help Mum n Dad wiv ther bowncin, but Dad makes me sit in the hall so I can sing to them. WOOOOOOOOO!

                                                            This is mee. I am a LADEE.

'L' is 4 LADEE. I am a ladee. Ladees are quiet an delicut like wot I am. Sum doggys fink they are ladees (like my sistur Kylie), but are SLAPPERS. Slappers steel yor stikks an fink they are well 'ard, but reely they need a gudd duffin up. Ladees keep their fur luvlee an soft wiv lots of mud.  (Not mangy like SUM doggys.) WUFF!

                                 This is mee givin my sistur Kylie a gudd duffin. (She is a SLAPPER.)

This is mee wiv my sistur Kylie. Luk how she is steelin my stikk off mee!!! Gave hur a gudd duffin for that. Grrrr

Am prayin 2 the Poop! Poop is leadur of all Cat-likks. He is visitin Englund, wot is near my howse. I am gudd Cat-Likker too, speshlee their bums, YUM! Cat-likks pray to the Lard, wot is a gudd fing, cos like Lard too (an tripe). Poop is my bestest hooman now, cos he seys 'Praise be to Dog'! WUFF!

UNKLE NIKK NEEDS A HOME! Unkle Nikk wos fownd abonduned in feeld. Can any dogg give this luvlee hooman a fur-evur home? Nikk likes snoozin, fetchin stikks, fetchin stikks, fetchin stikks, smokin, n fetchin stikks. Wiv a firm paw, he is almost howse traind n very gud wiv chuldren. (Needs kastrating) WUFF!

Anovver 'K' is Kylie. Kylie is my sistur. She is a big sho-wuff n sings ALL the time. Songs she's sunged r, 'I shud be so Mukky', '(Oops) Did it Again', 'Plese Stay (an Sit)', 'Can't get yoo owt of my Bedd', 'Spinnin Arownd' n 'Love at furst Bite'. Sumtimes she even wers HOT PANTS. They make hur bum luk big tho!

Anovver 'K' is KamPing! KamPing is wen Mum n Dad make howse in feeld. Well, Dad makes howse n Mum luks at bit of papur n showts. Wen howse is builded, Keeba wees on it. Smells luvlee. Then Keeba wees on everywun else's howse too. Then Kas wees in Arnty Beth's bedd. Then Keeba poos on his own howse, wot is stupid! Then Dad sprays our howse wiv anti-Keeba stuff. Then Keeba wees on it again. I luv KamPing. Is the BEST fing.

'K' is 4 Karma! Karma is wen yoo r a gudd dogg n yoo get biskit. Wen I stomp on yappy doggs by mistuk n ther hoomans showt at Mum, - is BAD karma. But wen yappy dogg's hooman steps in poo, that is GUDD karma. Sumtimes wen I bownce on sumfing (wen wos brokkun anyway - honest) an I don't get biskit, - is VERY BAD karma. Karma wos inventud by Dial-a-Llama. Yoo fone Dial-a-Llama 4 biskits. WUFF!

This is mee wallowin in mudd, wot is my favorit fing. Mudd is gud 4 yor fur an makes it smell nice.  Wen I grow upp I want to bee a booty thera-piss. Booty thera-pisses splash mudd ovur everywun to make their fur luvlee an soft. I cud get a jobb at 'Chomp-knees'! WUF!!

Hippo Bifday to my frends Keeba, Kasssss an Luciann!!!! Beeing 'wun' is very himportunt cos it only happuns WUNCE! I wos wun in March an I'm going to bee wun again tomorrow an the day aftur that as swell. Next week I'm goin to bee THWEE! WUF!

"Mingin' in the rain, I'm mingin' in the rain... Wot a gloreeowse feeeeeelin, I'm BOWNCY again.... la laaaaa la la la, wuf WUUUUF wuf wuf wuf....."

'J' is 4 JOBB! My jobb is POST-DOGG. Post-dogg is very himportunt. We hav a post-mun. He has long blond hur an his name is Tracey. He cums wen I am buzy snoozin, but cos I am  brave n feerluss Suvvern Innit I am a LURT at ALL TIMES. I hav to bash the bedd room dor open an slide down the hallway. Is very himportunt Mum n Dad DON'T get ther furst - is MY jobb. Wen I've sorted the post into wot is tastee-ust, I take it to Mum. I am a GUD dogg. WUFF!

‎'I' is for INUIT!! Inuits cum in 2 sizes, big.... an BIGGER! They r very gud doggs an r always helpful an kind. Northurn Inuits r called T'Northurn Int'Its in T'North an Suvvern Innits r everywun else, like ME! We hav luvlee fur wot cums in 2 colurs, mud an muddier. We r espeshlee gud at diggin, eeting flowurs and BOWNCIN!!! Wen I'm gud, Mum calls me a Northurn Idiut. WUF!!

At the show I won EVURYTHING, but sumtimes they forgot 2 giv me a roastette!! I got roastettes 4 Prettyust Bitch n Luvlee eyes. Mum wanted to put me in 4 Durty Bitch too. DEFINUTLY wud hav won that!!

Back from T'North. Had BEST time. Maffis feeld, lots of frends and...... A POND!! Wiv DUCKS!! Needed 2 be nice an muddee 4 show so did LOTS of bowncin in pond. Ducks LOVED me an kwakked an kwakked! Liked T'Northun Int'Its. Cudn't undurstand wot they sed tho... "Wud yous be havin sum T'lard n T'blakk puddin luv?". Wos t...hat? No undurstand??

BUNDLLLLLLLLLE!!! Off to see T' Northurn Int'Its. Bowncy, bowncy, bowncy..... bif, bif, bif. 'Eh-up wot's t' that?' Stompy, stompy.... Suvvern Innits RULE!!!!

Mum seys we're goin to see T' NORTHURN INT'ITS!! T' Northurn Int'its live in T' North. They don't like Suvvern Innits n fink we r bally-dancin, hand-bag swingin wusses. T' Northurn Int'its like tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, tripe, lard, blakk puddin n tripe. In T' North there r WIPPITS n they wear flat cap...s. Lukin forward to meetin T' Northurn Int'its n givin them a gud duffin! WUF!!

‎'H' is 4 HOOMANS! Hoomans make very gud pets, but need lots of luking aftur by responsibul doggs. Yoo must walk them evury day n leed them so they don't get lost or run undur cars. They need plentee of hexercise, like fillin holes, mendin fences, hooverin n clearing up sikk. They speshally like collectin poo. When thei...r faces get durty yoo must lik them lots. WUFF!

Had the BEST day! Tuk Mum n Dad 4 a luvlee walkee. Met up wiv ALL my frends n tuk charge of everywun cos I am pack leedur. Is VERY importunt jobb. I leedured everywun into lots of mudd n we wos all covvered wiv it - espeshlee mee. I wos bestest at mudd attack. My fur wos luvlee n stinkee at the end n Mum opuned ALL the car windows so everywun cud smell it. WUFF!

Helped Mum wiv the gardun tuday. Dug a BIG hole n got rid of ALL the nastee grass. That's bettur! Mum wos very pleesed. She gave me an ASBO. ASBO is 'A Super Bowncy Order' n is a very gudd fing 4 extra speshal doggies. Will try n get lots of ASBOs to show wot a gudd dogg I am. WUFF!

Cana likes 'Eau-de-Tripe'... by 'Long-Tongue', because she's worth it.

Thort 4 tuday -Fleez. Fleez r teen-weeny creetures wot fink doggs r karpets. Fleez liv in karpets, but sumtimes they get mistuk n fink karpet is walkin arownd. Fownd my very own flee yesturday!! Hur name is Florunce. Mum dusn't want mee to hav my own flee cos they r hexpensiv n must go 2 kennuls in the holidayz. Yoo mu...st take them 4 walks evury day (wiv ickle-wickle leads). Must luk aftur my flee!!

‎'Kasman n Canaaaa, bee gud to eechovveeeer.... Kasman n Canaaaaa, gona luv wun-anovveeeeer' (feme to mistur n missus). I luuuurve Kas. Is my bestest boyfrend...... like Kiba. We r goin to be marreed n hav babees n luuuurve eech ovver 4 evur n evur n evur. Goin to liv in an ickle howse wiv a wite fence in the cuntry n s...pend ALL day in bed togevvur, n not eet. Jus luk intoo each ovver's eys cos we r in LUUUURVE! Aaaaaa

‎'G' is 4 'GUD GURL'! Am gud gurl ALLWAYS. Gud fings I doo are... fechin post, hexterminatin moffs, lickin... um EVERYFING, takin Mum n Dad 4 walks, diggin the gardun, eeting flowurs, elping Dad wiv huvering, bowncin on viziturs, rollin in mud so my fur is all luvlee, n protekting the HOLE familee from fiurse insekts. A...m NEVER Bad. (Not like Kyla. She is veree nortee n shud hav a gudd smakk.) WUFF!

'F' is 4 FUD! Fud is sumfin wot hoomans try n forse yoo to eet. Fuds I like r antz, krisps, qat fud, cheez n chi-sneez take-urways. Fud I dont like is dogg fud, dogg fud, dogg fud, fud 4 doggs, n biskits, (cept hooman wuns). Mum sez I am AMINAL-REXIC, like Kate Moffs. Sumtimes, wen I dont eet, they buy mee hexpensif stuff from Wait-toads. I like Wait-toads! Wuff!

Por Raoul. Mum has had him on a die-ut 4 AGES. He is soo week, he can hardlee get off sofer. Raoul says he cud DIE n no-wun wud care, cos that's wot die-uts do. Very worreed! Wot if Raoul starvs to deth?!! Gave him sum of my fud, but Mum wos angree n sed he's a fat littul b****r n ort to be owt catchin mowses. Will try n sikk sumfing up 4 him. He will like that :-)))

Here is Raoul. He is week n feebull arftur Mum put him on a die-ut!

Kyla is my bestest frend n I HATE hur! I tryd to play wiv hur toys n she kept grabbin them off mee. Snot fair! Must lern to SHARE, like mee. I shud hav big toys n she can hav small, brokun wuns. She finks her teefs are big n sharp, but mine are HOOGE. I gave hur an incey-wincey nip n she gave mee a MAFFISS bite n cud hav MURDURD mee. Gave hur gud smakk to sort her owt. That’s better. I luv my sistur, she’s a BITCH!

VERY egciting day. Tuk Mum n Dad to see noo carz cos ours has shrunked. Ther wer LOTS of cars n I wos very egcited an had a gud sniff rownd them all. Then... I did a HOOGE poo rite next to the bestest wun. Dad put it in a bag, cos he likes to keep them. We left quite qwikkly. Ther wer no bins so Dad tuk the poo in the car. It smelt luvly. Mum opened all the windos so EVERYWUN cud smell it. Mmmmmm

This is mee wiv my sistur Kyla. We had a fab day tuday!!

Tuk Dad 4 walkees this mornin n fownd poorly wabbit. Dad sed he had 'myxed-em-up-toeses'. Myxed-em-up-toeses meems wabbits cant hop arownd n hav to sit n cownt their toeses ovur n over again. Tuk Dad n wabbit to nice ladee vet n she put wabbit in speshal place to unmix his toeses. Poor wabbit. Hope his toeses get bettur soon. :-(((

I haf a very himportunt job. Is called 'post-dogg'. Wen the postman cums, (his name is Tracey) I trot to the dore an chuse sumfing to bring to Mum n Dad. I like cardbored bestest cos is nice n tuff. I wagg my tale a lot an try 2 wuf, but my mowf is full. Mum says I am cleverest-est gurl in hole wurld. Sumtimes I try n keep the post cos I am still lerning. I am a gud dogg! Wuff!

‎"Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black n white Inuit"

Raoul likes hexercising, - but lyin down. Here he is, goin 4 a run!!

Worreed abowt Raoul. Has bin put on a die-ut. Mum says he is too fat, - maybee shud eet ants like me? Die-uts are wen yoo starve until yoo get thin an die. Raoul says he's not fat, just has big bones! Confoosed? Mum givs me big bones n I am not fat! Am supper-modul doggee, like Kate Moffs. I eet ants an she eets moffs!

'E' is 4 'EVIL LEEDUR'! Supposed to be 'gentul' but is EVIL! It raps arownd yor dose so yoo can't dalk proporly. Is very dangurowse, cos can't show Mum n Dad the way. They haf to leed themselfs, wich is a BAD FING! They talk to peeple 4 AGES n I can't do nuffin. All doggs no that hoomans can't luk aftur themselves n need doggys to elp them. Especiully brave n feerluss Suvvern Innits like me. HEXTURMINATE EVIL LEEDUR. Grrrrr

Kiba and meeee!

Mum an Dad tuk me to see my frend Kiba yesturday. He's my bestest boyfrend now an I lurve him! He wos all wite wen I met him, but after a little wile he terned a bit brown an soggy, - like me! He had luvly eers. The were all soft an chewy ..... at furst. Wen we left, Mum sed they looked like doylies. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I fownd a crikkit ball yesturday!!

Fownd noo game called 'crikkit'. Crikkit is wen yoo find a ball in the bushes an it is a reeely hard, tuff wun. Mum says that's called a 'challange'. It tuk me AGES to kill it. At leest harf an hour! Wen yoo've killed it, it terns intoo spaggetti. I sikked sum of it up this mornin. That made it tayst evun nicer!!!

Thort for tuday: Gard yor bedd!! I left my bed for an incy-wincy minit tuday an Mum said 'IT STINKS' an put it in machine wot goes rownd an rownd an makes yor eyes go funny. Confoosed? Stink is no gud?! Then she hunged it up owtside. Wot for? Is no gud in sky, beds shud be on grownd! Is bak now an am not movin off it EVER! Smells funny too, like noo bedd. Don’t like noo smell. Like stinky smell. Grrrrr

Tuk Dad into lundun larst nite. We went on a trane, then a toob, then a walk an then a pub! I had the BEST time. I licked EVERYWUN in the pub an they all patted me an called me bootiful. Then I lay on my back an showed them my tummy. Then Mum came! I jumped all ovur her and give her lots of kisses. Ther was a nice ladee wiv big boobies. She lent ovvur me so I gave boobies a gud licking :-)))

'D' is for DEDD. Wen small fings crawl arownd an yoo pat them, then sumtimes they stop movin - that's wen they are dedd. Like moffs. Moffs are very dangurus creetures an must all be hexturminated by brave an feerluss Suvvern Innits. Like me. Sumtimes yoo don't meen to make sumfing dedd, it just happuns. That's wen they wos brokken furst anyway wen yoo fownd them. Like ‘sqwishing’!!

'C' is for CANA!! Canas are wurld's BESTEST doggs! They are brave n fiurce n are frightunned of nuffing. They like lots of bowncing n can bownce as high as a howse! They luv EVERYONE n have lots of frends. Small doggs like Canas cos they run arownd in curcles and yap a lot until yoo squish them. Canas have luvly fur cos the roll in mudd a lot. They are their Mum’s n Dad’s favritest doggs in hole wurld ))

My furst trip to the seeside!

'B' is for Bones. Bones cum from the Deaded-Fings-Shopp. Bones are yummy an tayst reely gud if yoo bury them in a seecrut place an dig them up layter wen they are all maggotty. Diggin is gud for gardins an helps to keep the flowurs away. Flowurs are poysunus to hoomuns so I eet them and keep Mum an Dad helthy. I am a gudd dogg!

'A' is for ANTS. Ants are ickle creetures wot crawl arownd the gardin. They make yor fur itchy wen yoo sit on them and yor mowf all fizzy wen yoo eet them. If yoo poke yor nose in their ant-howse, they crawl up yor nose and make yoo sneez. They are gud for fat dogs as they are only wun calory per ant.

I lyke watchin TeeVee. 'Get that dog off my couch' (Dad)

Shall I eat my breakfast? Shall I have a snoooze? zzzzzzzz (Cana, the world's first anorexic dog)

Mum is grumpee toonite. That's cos she has sumfing called 'i-er-ning'. I-er-ning is a nastee diseese wot makes yoo stand in the kitchun an get hot for ages. Yoo get all swetty an showt at Dad. I-er-ning is sumfing called 'wimen's problums' an yoo get it abowt wunce a munf. I hope I don't get i-er-ning as I am a wimen too?

Thort for tuday.... Worms. Worms are wot live inside yoo. Wen yoo poo, they go into the grownd an live there. They dig holes an stuff an eet soil, (yum). If yoo have soil on yor tungue an lick yor bum, they go up your bum hole an live there again. Worms are gud for yoo, so is nice to lick everywun so they can have worms too. Dad sumtimes gives mee stuff to kill worms! Not nice cos worms are frends. SAVE THE WORMS! (((

Gud luk to my frend Tatty Bear. He is takin his dad Nick to vet tomorrow so he can have his balls snipped off an sent to turd wurld doggies. Turd wurld doggies don't have balls n stuff, so we all must help. Well dun Unkle NIck. Big licks Tatty... sluuuuuuurp xxxxxxx

Snot fair! How can take mum an dad for walk if they using 'gentle leader' (evil leader!)? They know I need to show them way an will get lost withowt me takin charge. Worreed they will run off or chase ball undur car withowt me properly supurvisin them. Also, evil lead is like muzzle. Like wot Redbull has sumtimes. Am not dangerowse dogg! Just like bowncing. Sumtimes fings get in way….. like small dogs….

Dave sed that wen she had kittuns, her mum an dad sed she cud go to RSPCA. That is like cowncil for kats n dogs an you get new howse. Is so kool. Cud get my own kennel an hav dogging partees n everythin! Not sure wot dogging is, but must be gud. Dave still here tho, but cud cum and liv with me. Mite not like dogging tho?

SHOCK HORROR! Joel had 'sex heducashun' at skool. Sex is wen yoo bownce on another dog an they hav puppees. Sumtimes yoo just have to lick them an it happuns. Joel says not wen yoo do it standing tho, an not wen yoo play in pond after. Phew! - wos worreed that mite have puppies! Wot wud Mum say? Hmm, maybe cud get council kennel tho?

Worreed abowt Raoul. Bin gettin catnip off Redbull again. Has to give Redbull 3 mowses every time. Raoul wos lying on floor, purrin, with legs in air, but now catchin mowses again like puss-possessed. Mum says he has cold turky. WOT? Cold turky!! Why I don't have turky. Is not fair. I LUV TURKY! Grrrrr

Bin v busy. Saw Redbull yestuday an he said I'd bin sprayed. Wot's that? Is like hose pipe? BUT NO! Found out is wen you wake up an someone stole yor insides an then they sell them to dogs in turd world. SHOCKING! Is good to help turd world doggies tho, as they don't get bones an stuff and have to eat vegetables insted. Yuk.

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...... bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.... zzzzzzzzz. Licky, licky, licky... nibble, nibble.. "no Cana, no biting your stitches, naughty girl. Put the collar back on now..." Grrrrrr, not fair...... zzzzzz.... Bouncy, bouncy..... "Is this going on much longer?" (Raoul)

Had luvly time at dogg show. Dogg show is wen yoo haf lots of Suvvern Innits, (an Norvern Eh-Ups) in a feeld, an we all run arownd an do lots of bowncin. Sumtimes yoo haf to stop bowncin for a bit an stand wif Mum or Dad, an a BORING old hooman woo is HUNDRUDS of yeers old cums an looks in yor eers. BORING! Arfter that yoo run arownd n bownce again. Is the BEST fing!

Woke up this morning an have terned into lampshayd?!! Am so embarrissed... Raoul an Poppy not nice an keep sniggering an waving their tales just out of reech. Grrr.. - say I have terned into patchwork quilt too?!! Mmmm.. strange. Having lots of cuddles though.... Still sleepy......zzzzzzzzzz

Oooooh feel sick.... elephants flying.... pink ones...... headache...... tummy ache...... more elephants... blue ones ......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mum an Dad lookin peaky this morning. Eyes all watery an v quiet, so desided to take Dad to vet. Inspected vet's, gave everyone nice lick an explained that Dad not well. Unkle Darren put thermometer up my bum again which was v nice, but 'what abowt Dad' I said? 'He'd like that too'. Then he got a needle out to give Dad injectshun… OUCH!.... Not me, him….. You got the wrong wun….. I don’t need… zzzzzzzzzzz

SHOCK HORROR! Saw Redbull at Dave's howse. Dave had 4 kittuns a monf ago and Redbull wos...... offuring them CATNIP!!! Don't beleeve it! Have gon right off Redbull now as is bad influunce on yung minds. Told Dave and she was shocked and said wood take catnip from kittens, but mite not give it bak to Redbull just yet. Roual not bak all weekend. V worreed. Must put up missing puss sign, but can’t hold pen. Grrr

Raoul v interested in my mate Redbull. Strange? Says, can Redbull get sum cat-nip for im, but not to tell no-one. (Catnip kept inside plastic jar on top shelf in padlocked cupboard.) Redbull as runny nose at moment and bit thin, but said e cud get some and not to worry abowt no payment as the first one's free. Very nice of im. Raoul well chuffed. Sed he’s going to have ‘ot weekend. Hmmm, spose wevver is nice? ….

Wassup wiv Mum??? Come in all smellin of puppies....PUPPIES?? OVVER PUPPIES?? Was sniffin er well n proper like, n well excited, n then jumped up just an incey-wincey bit n suddenly like, there's blood like EVERYWHERE!! Woz that all abowt then? Tried to give er a nice likin, but said 'get off me you f.....ng hooligan'. Not very nice! Wos onlee trying elping. Big hug later tho so luvs me again. ‘er mowf luks a bit funny?

'Av new mate innit - name is 'Redbull' an is a Staff. Know-wot-I-mean? 'E is well sorted an well 'ard an I is 'is bitch now. Respect!! I said to 'im, 'I is Cana and I is Souvvern Innit, innit? 'E wos well impressed.

Fed up wivwalking past vet's an never going in, so today... Dad took me in! Yey!! Had BEST time. Likked everywun, smakked king-charles-spangle (was already brokkun - honest) an got to sit on scales. Had treat for being so clever. Then nice man turned into .. NASTY NEEDLE MAN!! Owwww! Better when he stukk thermometor up my bum though; that was quite nice. Mmmmm

Pooo, too hot. Nice paddle in river last nite though, luvlee. Got a bit deep though. Even though am brave an fearluss Suvvern Innit, must be wary of sharks an stuff. Maybe even cat-fish, yuk.. Was worred Mum might follow me, so saved her with guard dog instincts by coming back. Shook all my furry water over her which helped and showed am loving, caring dog. Will go back today and report on sharks.

Strange.. luvlee, sunny day, but Mum an Dad inside watching magik window (TeeVee?). Lots of jumping arownd an showting. No good tho as now look very sad, like have lost favourite stikk. Never mind, looking forward to dinner as Dad says will be fed whole England football team!! Great! He says sugar n spice n all fings nice is wot little girls is made of.

Havin BEST time wiv my frend Jessie, the border collee. In between playin suduko an applyin for mensa, she is re-wiring the howse. I am helping her by holding the instruction manual; 'dogs guide to basic domestic electrics'. Bit soggy now... may as well eet it. Watchin Jessie makes me feel tired zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Had BESTEST DAY.... Mum gave me a ........................... PLASTIC BOTTEL!!!!!!! It kept tryin to escape, but I cortt it an held it down an bit it an gnawed it an ripped the top off an threw it ovur the hedge an cort it again an killed it - twice.


Think is ded now, not movin, even when I nudge it and hit it with my paw of steel.

Mum n Dad tryin 2 get me to eet more so had lots of luvlee raw minse for brekfast... yum. Finished it off by likkin cat bowls cleen, don't like them durty, not nice. Raoul not happy as wos still eeting his. Settled for likking his bum insted. Mmmm, don't know wot he ate yesturday, but it tasted gooood.

Mince again this mornin. Gettin BORED now. Spotted tastee steaks in 'shop-of-dedd', Mum seys is 'butchers'. Fink will hold owt for that now. Hexterminated anovver moff last night in operation 'moffs-must-die-die-die-until-they're-well-dedded'. Dad sed that all creetures desurve to liv in peace and harmony...... no understand? Moffs? Dad is ill?? (maybe ate slug?) Will likk him lots.